A Pasta Lesson

Wow.

I didn’t really think much about eating pasta last night. I mean, I’ve eaten LOADS of crap (i.e. carb-o-licious meals and snacks) with no major problems…until last night. Or should I say “until about 4am,” at which point I started having serious digestive issues. I seriously thought I might have to call in sick to work! I figure the pasta was the ONLY suitable answer—that was the only thing I consumed last night that I haven’t eaten in 1+ years (low-carb pasta doesn’t count, and you can’t eat much of it anyway because it doesn’t taste that good). So, the lesson learned was NO MORE PASTA.

Coldwell Banker Awards Night

We got free dinner at Ducks, a local hot spot, so why not go, right? 🙂 It was actually pretty good—I know more people now than I did at the Christmas party, so I didn’t feel quite as uncomfortable. And of course, Jane and Dick saved me a seat with them, so that was great! (They are so cool—I love them!) There was an open bar (great!) and great appetizers (the garlic bread and crab dip was TO DIE FOR). Let’s just say it’s a good thing I saved up my carbs all week for this night…three Amaretto Sours, probably a half loaf of the yummy garlic bread, and Pasta Alfredo! DEE-licious!

But the most awe-inspiring part of the night was the awards. The staggering amounts of money involved overall were unbelievable (well, maybe just for a newbie to real estate). Of course they had Top Rental Agent and the Million Dollar Club, but that’s nothing compared to the level my boss is at! In 2004, Onslow County had something like $285,000,000 in sales (approximately 2800 homes). Our office did (approximately) $44,000,000 in 2004 (compared to like $32M in 2003). Of that $44M, my boss was responsible for 25% of that, or $11,000,000 (give or take a few thousand). I knew she was a player, but I didn’t realize she accounted for 25% of the entire office’s sales! She received Top Lister, Top Sales, and International President’s Premier (I think it was). Phew!

Jane then thanked her “team” and gave Dick and me a card and gift certificate! (Tom, we’re going to Rucker Johns when you get home!) Then, to top off the evening, Countrywide Mortgage (the mortgage people in our building) had a drawing for a $40 gift certificate to Pier One…and I won! YIPPEE! I also got to take home one of the glass fishbowl centerpieces!

There were only two slightly not-good things about the evening (and I say not-good because they don’t really even classify as bad). First, it was cold and very rainy…and we happened to be on the enclosed patio…so they had those large patio heaters going…which created condensation…so we were constantly being dripped on throughout the night! Second, and I didn’t realize it until I got home…I smelled like smoke! There was NO smoking in our room, I didn’t smell smoke the entire time I was there, and the only access I had to smoke was on the 10 second walk to the patio and the 10 second walk back outside. Yuck!

But, all in all a very nice night!

Stupidity, Smoke & Spatulas

You know those spatulas that are rated to 500°? Worth every penny.

You know those stoves that run on gas? Want one.

Let’s just say I wanted to make hot chocolate. Seems innocent enough, right? Put water in the kettle, turn the burner on. Jump on the computer to check my email. Then I start smelling something…like heat. Well, I did just turn the furnace on. Mmmm, no, more like…cooking? Maybe something was on the burner under the kettle that I missed. Hmmm, getting stronger…I better go check it out.

THE KITCHEN WAS FULL OF SMOKE! What the…? ARGH!!!! I had turned on the wrong burner—the one that still had my fry pan [from dinner] left on it…with the spatula laying in it! I tore open the porch door, threw the pan on the grill, turned on the microwave fan, opened all the windows in the kitchen, and set up a fan (leftover from summer) to blow the smoke out. I was keeping my fingers crossed that the smoke alarm didn’t go off—it takes forever to quiet it down again! (In fact, I’m surprised the smoke alarm hadn’t gone off. Well, I guess I could still see, so maybe it wasn’t THAT bad.)

A few minutes later, all was well. I went to retrieve the pan from the grill and it was still smoking, so I retrieved the spatula, expecting to have to trash it. But what do you know? It was my fancy schmancy Williams Sonoma one…so no damage done!

P.S. Did I forget to mention this isn’t the first time this has happened? I miss gas stoves, where you can instantly see which burner you turned on!

I LOVE EBAY!

I just have to say how much I love ebay—although I’m sure most of you already know I’m an ebay freak because I freely admit it! It’s especially great living in a small town where there aren’t lots of clothing stores…I find brand name things (my current fave is Tommy Hilfiger) for a FRACTION of the price! I love selling, too… right now I’m selling a bunch of things I won on ebay but didn’t fit or decided I didn’t like! Hey, it keeps me busy while Tom’s away…

Profound thoughts? Daily blather is more like it!

Welcome to the first entry of my new (but old—the account was created over a year ago) blog. Pretty, ain’t it? You can thank Jim, whose own blog experience made me want to actually work on mine! I always thought it would be cool to have my own blog (and, you have to admit, it seems like a Jen thing to do)—but since I have a whole website that I sort of consider a blog, I never really got around to doing it…why duplicate things? That, and I was sure it would eat up more time than I was willing to devote to it…because you all know how I get sucked in to anything computer!! But, then Jim had to go ahead and change blog providers and he got me all excited again. So…after wasting a GOOD 30 minutes trying to get it set up correctly (wrong paths, wrong ftp logins, wrong passwords), I finally did it! (Then add another hour or so for fiddling with account settings…) So I might try my hand at this for a few days and see how it goes. Enjoy!

Palace Grounds

Hi Guys!

I had to clear this up for Jen as well; I know all of the stories that have been on the news about Ramadi. Before I got out here I was a little worried as well, but in fact I am at Camp Blue Diamond, which used to be a wild game preserve for Saddam and his sons.

Ramadi is across the Euphrates from us and there is a huge wall (about 30 feet high) which blocks out everyone’s view of us. I think Saddam didn’t want to see the Iraqi people or have them see him. On the other side of us is a huge wall as well, which used to have huge portcullis gates at each end of camp. [See below for an example of a portcullis gate! -Jen] However, now the gates have been removed and it’s just the arches! We have these well guarded with barriers and lots of firepower, artillery, and snipers, so nobody gets more than a hundred yards of us.

I won’t be leaving the camp, unless I have to go on a convoy, which are at night, for safety, or on Helo. There is a chance that I will be going to Camp Fallujah for a month or so, but that camp is a lot like ours, away from the city and heavily fortified.

As for living conditions (as I mentioned before) I am in a large guest quarters with 12 other officers, and it is just like a frat house. I have a night shift and have the place to myself most of the time. I am the Division G6 (Communications) watch officer. I maintain all communications systems (secret internet/e-mail, regular internet/e-mail, telephones, satellite, tactical radio and HF radio) for the Division units, which are spread over a 100 square mile area around Baghdad. If something goes down, I have to identify it and then start the repair process. Once that starts, I then have to start the report process to the colonels and have to keep updating them until the issues have been resolved.

I am also working part time as the Information Management Officer with a Warrant Officer. We have to do a lot of IT work like creating data bases, Active Server Pages, maintaining websites and development work. We were working 8 hour shifts, but now I have 12 hour shifts and might go up to 16 hour shifts pretty soon.

I only get about 4 hours of sleep a day. I have trouble sleeping, because people come in and out all the time, slamming doors and such, oh well. I wake up around 2ish and then go to the gym for an hour and a half, then go back to the room and relax. I then get ready for the night meeting around 7 and work from 8pm till 8am and start the whole thing all over again. We work 7 days a week, no days off. I don’t mind it much; I am actually having a good time. I get to do what I wanted to do when I joined the MC.

Love,
Tom

Palace grounds—This is near the river where I work.

This is the other side of Usay’s Palace.

This large gate is the entrance.

This is the outer hallway of the palace in which I work.

Wetdown!

WETTING DOWN: USMC Tradition

After a promotion, it is customary to celebrate by spending your first pay raise on your fellow Marines at your favorite tavern. Tradition has it that the new grade insignia was placed in the bottom of a glass of spirits, and the Marine drank the glass dry.

WETTING DOWN: Our Story

Tom and Neil (a fellow Communications classmate and current neighbor) were being promoted at the same time. Following tradition, they wanted to participate in a Wet Down. However, they both decided that it would be better (financially-speaking) to host the party at home, instead of at the Officer’s Club. (You may start with just a few people in your party at the O Club, but as soon as people know it’s a Wet Down, they ALL flock to you…thereby increasing your tab for the evening!) So we decided to go with a backyard BBQ, complete with beer, burgers, brats, and deep-fried turkey!

I just couldn’t sleep anymore (thinking about everything), so I was up by 7:30 (listening to the rain POURING down). I also wanted some time to be able to relax, if possible, so I wasn’t running around at the last minute. The only thing left to do to get the inside of the house ready, really, was clear off all the surfaces that were full of crap (i.e. the dining room table, the coffee table, the kitchen counters), so all that stuff went into huge Rubbermaid containers and into the guest shower! Voila! Instantly clutter free! There were also minor things like vacuuming, moving the dining room chairs to other seating areas, and moving a last few boxes. I also wanted to add some personality—but we didn’t really want to hang stuff on the wall in case we moved furniture anytime soon (we’re not sure if we’re leaving the couches where they are)—so I just put some framed pics and bamboo up on temporary shelves which are just sitting on the floor (crap, I just realized I don’t have a picture of that wall) and it looked pretty good (it might actually stay there for awhile!) and decorated the mantel/fireplace area. We had also installed two curtain rods earlier in the week. Let’s see, what next?

Oh, the turkeys. I was still defrosting the turkeys in the sink. Tom swore they were done, but I just couldn’t believe that a 24# bird was done in two days so I just kept both in water. Then I thought, you know—we should really research just how to deep fry the turkeys. I mean, I had asked the king of turkey frying (my cousin, Brian) how to do it, but I didn’t think to ask all the particulars. (You’d think we’d have learned just from watching him do it 20 times, but it was our first time and I wanted to make sure we didn’t screw it up—especially since many guests were involved!) So, in my research, I learned that you really shouldn’t have a turkey over 20#…so I didn’t even want to attempt the 24 pounder, but then we would have only had an 11# bird, which was not a lot of meat for the number of people we were expecting. Tom assured me it would be fine, although he’d really have to watch it (to cover the turkey, the oil would be closer to the top than recommended). We decided to inject the birds with marinade (I happened to have a pre-made Creole Butter mix which smelled heavenly) and then we did a cajun rub on the outside. Then they sat in the frig to marinate and dry off. Here’s my fridge-ful of turkey.

Then I had to make my salad. I was making KFC’s cole slaw (I chose that because it’s simple and doesn’t take long). The only bad thing was that with all the turkey in my frig, we had nowhere to put it so it was neighbors Tom and Karen to the rescue!

In the meantime, Tom was working on getting the outside ready (it had stopped raining and was overcast—actually very nice and breezy). Our neighbor, Roger, came over to mow the lawn for the second time (the first time the night before was to mow it, the second was to obliterate all the little grass clumps). We definitely owe Roger for that…but then, Roger just loves his riding mower—we think he’d mow the whole neighborhood if people would let him!!

Tom ran some last-minute errands…getting the propane filled (we needed one for the turkeys as well as for our grill, so I bought one the night before at Sams…except it was empty) and picking up just a few more plants and stones (to hide the cord to the fountain).

Oh, yes, the fountain. And the garden. That’s a story in itself! Before we knew we were hosting the party, we had decided to change our front contractor-provided landscaping to something more unique (every house has red mulch and the same shrubs). We were going to move all the shrubs to the front of the house (under the bedroom windows) and plant the front area with grasses and such—and fill it with river rock (a whitish stone) instead of mulch (moving the mulch to the shrubs) and edging it with red scalloped brick pavers. Well, earlier in the week, Tom had it laid out with the plants and grasses we had, and honestly, it was a little too barren for me. So, I told him as long as he was taking all the time and making the effort to do this, we weren’t going to do it half-assed…so I ordered him to go buy more stuff. (I’d much rather do it now then wait and try to do it later since it wouldn’t just be a matter of planting stuff. There’s a layer of weed-protectant sheeting that you had to cut through in order to plant, and once the stones were on top, it would be harder to add stuff later.) I also told him I’d love a fountain—it just looked like it needed one! Of course, when I said I wanted a fountain, I thought we’d go buy a small/cheap one and that would be it. Oh, I should have known better! Tom rushed to all his magazines and found a fountain…to build himself! So he ran right out and bought the supplies. (This was before we knew we were hosting the party. Had we known, we would have waited to start building it.) So, over the course of a few nights, he built and installed the fountain. It really does look great in the garden and we’re thrilled with it. The other major project was replanting all the shrubs and moving all the mulch—which HAD to be done before the party, since the mulch was covering the entire sidewalk! That was completed Friday night around 10pm (talk about last minute)!

Around 4, Tom was just getting ready for his second shower of the day and I was just getting ready to sit down and relax…when the doorbell rang. Turns out, it was one of Tom’s buddies! He apparently couldn’t stay long and had somewhere else to go later, so he just showed up early! Ack! It’s a good thing we were done cleaning and whatnot! So Tom talked with him while he got the grill and deep fryer set up. Shortly thereafter, Kate arrived (she would have been there earlier but got tied up in traffic).

About this time, I was starting to get anxious. I was worrying about simple things like how to arrange the table (where to put the silverware, napkins, and plates in relation to the food) and where to put the cups and how many cups to put out…stupid stuff, I know, but never having thrown a party before and wanting everything to be perfect, I was worried! Kate assured me none of it really mattered, and she took the role of just telling me what to do! (Thanks again, Kate!) We got the music started in the living room (gotta love the digital cable music channels—Party Favorites!) and on the porch (a large selection of compilation CDs—I had started to make some mixed CDs then thought ‘Why am I bothering? We have a ton of CDs ready to go’ so I dug them out and that was that). The volleyball net and horseshoes never got set up—which was just as well since everyone was busy chatting. (Although, I’m sure there would have been some good volleyball pics!) We could not have asked for better weather. It stayed overcast all day, so it was actually almost cool (compared to what the weather has been lately) and there was a nice breeze the entire time.

Then stuff just sort of started happening at once. The doorbell rang and one family arrived (whom I happened to know) and my first thought was…”Oh, kids.” Hmmm. Hadn’t thought kids would be here. I mean, we knew two of our neighbors had kids and they would be there, but we honestly had not thought about other people bringing their kids! (Can you tell we’re just SO not in that frame of mind?!?!) Then just as I directed them to beverages and whatnot, the doorbell rang again—and I had no idea who they were. So I introduced myself and they said who they were friends of…okay, cool. Then I happened to look out on the back porch and there were about 10 people out there (who just walked around from the front) who I didn’t know. Okay, the party was officially started! It was just really weird not knowing everyone. And they didn’t know who I was, either. When I introduced myself to people, it was “I’m Jen. This is my house.” It sounded weird, but everyone said “Ah, I was wondering who Jen was!” (We have a sign outside our front door that says “Jen & Tom Hudson, Established 2001” (a wedding present from my aunt). Everyone we talked to loved the house and we got SOOOOO many compliments on it…it was such a good feeling!

Then a plate of burgers came in and Tom said it was time to eat! I lovingly told him that I really wanted more than five burgers on the table before I invited all our guests to eat (probably numbering 20 by that time)! So, about 15 minutes later we had burgers and brats aplenty—plus the first turkey was done so that was being carved. It also turned out to be our first party foul—it wasn’t quite done. So, into the microwave it went and all was good (and no one even knew, until now that is!). Then dinner was announced and people filed in and all went well!

I stayed out of the area (giving little tours to people I knew) and then I filled a plate and went to sit down. Most people were outside, which was great, and only a few were inside. I walked into the den and felt immediately at ease—it was filled with our neighbors! I sat down and said “Finally, some people I know!”

Tom was the consummate host. He was literally busting his butt cooking and frying and running around. I hadn’t been out to the garage (where the cooking was going on, because it was too windy to do in the back yard) but when I did venture out there, there were another 20 people out there—much to my surprise! Then I looked and there were cars up and down the entire street! (I wished I would have taken a picture.) Tom’s best guesstimate is that there were probably 45-50 people there throughout the night.

Then things are a blur. There was visiting and hostessing and the time was just flying by. We had plenty of food, and everyone loved the turkey! The cool thing was the people who showed up… we invited our actual next-door neighbors that morning when we saw them outside (it seems they’re hardly ever home) and we didn’t expect them to come but they did! And she even brought a chocolate dessert!! We had a really good time visiting with them and it’s great that we now know them better. We also got to meet another set of neighbors that we’ve only seen in passing. The wives all talked and I got the scoop on our contractor and the development corporation (from the wives that have been here over a year). Then I turned around to someone else I didn’t know…turns out, it was our kitty-corner neighbor and his wife (with introductions like “Ohhh! So you’re the one on the riding lawn mower!”). You know, I honestly don’t know if they were invited or if they just came over…but it was all good. The really cool thing is that I saw someone I knew from Quantico—I didn’t know she was living in the area and she showed up at the party because she knew a friend of a friend who lived down the street! I was walking down the driveway and I saw her and I was like “Hey! I know you!” It was funny.

Things started to clear out around 11 (and I thought “Oh my! It’s only 11? I could have sworn it was later!”) and the music got a little louder and the guests a little rowdier! Roger was walking around with a bottle of Goldschlager trying to give out shots (so I obliged in a few), then later I was walking around with a bottle of Jagermeister to pass out shots—and there were more than a few takers!

Overall, the party was a success. I really do need to give a huge thanks to our neighbors—they all offered any assistance we needed and really came through… from Roger mowing the lawn and blowing off the driveway, sidewalks, and garage to Ursula (Roger’s wife) bringing two side dishes (as well as getting me some last minute lemonade)…from Tom and Karen loaning us the use of their refrigerator to Tom making a run for some Captain Morgan…and at the last minute when our grill went kaput, both Roger and Tom bringing their grills over! (And I do mean last-minute….there were burgers on the grill when it died.) Then, of course, Heidi and Neil (who are also neighbors, but they were also the co-hosts)…Heidi brought two side dishes and Neil picked up the keg and some extra tables!

The biggest storm yet!

Last night, we had the biggest storm yet! We were actually worried it might be a tornado. It always starts with thunder rumbling in the distance, then it’s soundless lightning, then all of a sudden it’s raining and then raining harder. This time, it was raining so hard and so fast—and the wind was blowing so hard—that the rain was actually being blown UP as it tried to fall off the roof.

The scariest thing was that I was sitting at the computer (in the office) when I saw our neighbor’s trampoline (you know, one of those HUGE ones) come rolling right toward us from across the street! Luckily it stopped in the street (upside down and broken, of course)…but come to find out, it did hit another neighbor’s house and put a hole in their side garage door. Our side next-door neighbors lost about six sections of their huge 6′ fence. At our place, somehow the wind was blowing in through the screen porch and some piece of something came out of place, and we had insulation blowing around and covering everything on the porch. It looked like it snowed! After the storm died down, Tom and Joel hauled the trampoline back (those neighbors were gone for the weekend) and everyone in the neighborhood could be seen gathering all their stuff from across their yards. It was horrible. I can only hope we never see a tornado or hurricane weather. Ironically, our other friends who live down another street at the end of a little cul de sac, barely knew there was a storm brewing. We’re sure it’s because they’re protected on two sides by trees and a third side by a house. We’re pretty much out here in the open, so we got the brunt of it.

The last of the painting.

Our last weekend of painting…the last thing we wanted to do, but best to get it done before all the furniture is there, right? It was such a wonderful feeling pulling into our driveway and knowing we were home…and of course, we felt just as home when we pulled into Lowes 20 minutes later (LOL) to get another gallon of paint and some odds and ends we forgot. We also ate dinner so we’d be fully prepared to paint when we got back home!

Tom did the first coat in the bathroom while I played with my bamboo. It apparently didn’t go quite as smoothly as he hoped, because there was some yelling coming from there. I guess that’s what you get with a TEENY bathroom and a LARGE body! I just stayed away! LOL!

Anyhoo, I was thrilled to finally be able to use the vases I bought shortly after the wedding…I bought them because they had a similar “square” pattern as our dishes—but they’re not going to be used in the kitchen! I thought they’d look stunning on the mantle, but of course, one of the vases is just TOO big, so it has to sit on the floor, but it still looks good.

We also got to meet another neighbor, Tom (husband of Karen, who we met the previous weekend). He’s another marine on the block—a pilot. He came over when he saw us outside, and proceeded to loan us a ladder! I LOVE OUR NEIGHBORS! Then we messed around the house some, not really wanting to start painting the living room because we were tired…so we decided hit the grocery store so we wouldn’t have to eat out the entire weekend. So as we’re walking out the door and turning off the lights, Tom says “Jen! Come here and look at this!” I rush over and OH. MY. GOD. There is a small green tree frog ON our window. ON OUR WINDOW! Weird. He was cute so it was okay, but still. A frog on the window??? Of course, I had to run to get the camera and take a few pictures (below)! North Carolina is a straaaaaange place. We were home and in bed by 10:30.

Tom was up early painting the second coat of the bathroom. Then tragedy struck. I had just gotten up and had just put my contacts in. I was simply attempting to walk out of the bedroom when I literally SLAMMED my toes into the door frame—WOW was that some intense pain!! The nail of my pinky toe was intact, but I ripped off a huge chunk of skin (although it’s still hanging on) and it was bleeding slightly. I could barely walk on it…how was I going to put shoes on and paint? Goodness. I eventually put socks and shoes on and it wasn’t too bad, but when I took the socks off, the toe next to it was really bruised (the pics I took were from the following morning when it doesn’t look quite as bad).

Then, just as we were about ready to start painting the living room, our neighbors showed up for our “mail delivery” (they’re watching it until we get there). I tell you, I like this neighbors thing!

So, painting the faux finish. Let me just say upfront that (1) it was a MAJOR pain in the ass, (2) it doesn’t look much like the pictures, and (3) I will never do that finish again, ever. It seemed simple enough: mix matte paint with wallpaper paste (for a sort of glazing effect), brush on the paint, stipple the paint (to get rid of the brush strokes), then rag the paint (with a chamois). They did mention you had to work quickly because it dried fast—and man, they were NOT kidding. We had planned on working right behind one another (one painted and one ragged) but it dried too fast for us to be moving ladders, so one person did everything. If Tom was on the ladder, I was handing him paint brushes filled with paint and if I was on the ladder, he was handing me paint. The chamois (one of two things they suggested using) was useless. I don’t know if we had too much paint on the wall (I didn’t think so) or a too-thin chamois (do they come in different thicknesses?)…but after two or three uses, it was FILLED with paint and seemingly useless. But we pressed on. After half the wall, we said “Are we sure we want to do the WHOLE room?” I said no way in hell. Then we agreed on doing two walls and seeing what we thought. Okay, fine. So we finished the two walls and it was okay, although it was not nearly what we expected. The second coat was another “glazing” coat which was supposed to be 1½:1 (paste to paint) instead of the 1:1 ratio of the first coat… but that still seemed too thick, so we added more paste and then even added water because it still seemed too thick. By the middle of the first wall (second coat) I had had it (I had done the majority of the work so far) so Tom took over and finished while I showered. Afterwards, we went out to dinner with our neighbors. When we came home, we decided that two walls WAS enough and we would just paint the remaining two walls with plain paint. That process went SO quickly, after the time-consuming finish of the other walls!

A funny thing happened while we were painting, though. Tom went out in the garage for something and I heard “Jen! JEN! Come here!” I had no idea what on earth it could be, so I went out there. Oh my goodness! Gold paint tracks all over the garage! He had left the paint lid off the can and on the garage floor. One of those little toads had hopped right onto the paint lid and then proceeded to hop around the garage! Tiny toad tracks everywhere! We laughed and laughed and laughed—it was so cute! I wanted to leave them to dry, but Tom cleaned them up! I did make him take pictures, though! Again, we were in bed by about 11.

Sunday morning, Tom was up early (he let me sleep in) working on the ceiling fan…so that by the time I got up, our new ceiling fan was in the newly painted room—and it looked awesome! It looked like it was made for the room!

Then it was time to start picking up and getting ready to go back to Virginia. I did another load of laundry and then we made another trip to Lowes…we had found out they were having lots of installation specials ($69 instead of $99) so we decided to go ahead and have them do the garage door opener. And of course (of course!) we bought some other stuff. Then back home, Tom decided he had to mow the lawn (it had been raining on and off all weekend so he couldn’t do it before then) so he borrowed a neighbor’s mower. I continued packing/cleaning/laundering. I tried doing some work outside, but it was SOOOO damn hot and humid it was awful! And the flies! Oh my goodness, the flies! They must have come out after all the rain, because we never had flies before…but they were all over and all over everything everywhere! Yuck! Tom took his shoes/socks off after mowing the lawn and they were covered by probably 100 flies! When I went to get clothes out of the washer, it would have 10 flies on it! Every time you get in the car to go somewhere, you get flies along for the ride! Oh, I hope they go away! Anyway, after Tom mowed the lawn, he decided he wanted the lawn mower we had seen at Sams Club…so off we went to Sams to get it (we’ll need it the next time we come down, and he was sure it would be gone by then).

Before we left, we returned the ladder…and got to see Tom and Karen’s house. I was really excited to see it because they have the same house as us—just in reverse. It was great seeing a house actually completed and decorated. I was afraid once we got the furniture and stuff in it would be a lot smaller, but they still seemed to have lots of room so I feel better now! Then it was back home (across the street!) to pack the car and head out. And of course, we hated to leave…

We are homeowners!

Wednesday (28 May)

Tom talked to our realtor and found out that the contractor IS NOT fixing any of the house problems before closing…including the MAJOR things the inspector found (like no insulation in the attic). HUH? The realtor originally told us that they typically don’t fix anything until [after] the walk-through, but since our contractor knew we couldn’t make it down during the week, and would not adjust his schedule for us, we had to schedule the walk-through on a weekday…and the only available day was closing day! (Typically, you would do the walk-through with them a week or so before, then they’d have time to fix the problems before closing.) So anyway, we were really ticked off. I mean, this is EXACTLY why we did our own walk-through two weeks prior—and faxed the list to the contractor! And our realtor, at the time, told us the contractor was going to fix the things! It was just a nightmare we didn’t want to deal with. We just knew we did NOT want to close on a house with major things still unfixed. We tried not to think too much about it.

Thursday (29 May)

It was a loooooong day for me at work. All I could think about was the house and what was going to happen. Of course, I was thinking the worst. We left town about 4pm and of course, had to stop by the house on our way into town. Since we had assumed some of our changes would have been done (especially the OBVIOUS ones), we were VERY disheartened to see that the shutters and front door—which had been brown but were supposed to be green—hadn’t been changed. We reasoned that if they couldn’t even change that one basic/obvious thing, what hope did we have of anything else on our three-page list being taken care of? Falling asleep that night, thankfully, was no problem…but we were both wide awake at 5:30am!

Friday (30 May)

We had checked out of the hotel before we even got our 7am wake-up call! We had time to waste but didn’t have anything to do, so we went and sat in our driveway and waited. The building supervisor showed up around 8 and chatted with Tom for a bit while he waited for the rest of his guys to show up. Apparently they were going to have painters and whatnot following us around fixing things as we pointed them out. That was all well and good, I thought, but what about the things that just couldn’t be fixed on the spot (like a broken drawer latch)? I did not want to close on a house that still had problems!

As it turned out, we had nothing to worry about. They had, in fact, been working on our list—and probably about 80% of it had already been fixed. We then walked through the house, room by room, with a painter and he touched things up (sanded, filled, painted, etc.) as we pointed them out. There were other guys there doing some of the bigger patching jobs, as well as our contractor, his son, and [what looked like] a buddy of his. There were about 10 people milling about—and I was a little overwhelmed. Things went smoothly, but I did feel a bit rushed. Then the supervisor walked us through the house and explained how things worked, we asked some questions (we found out that there was insulation in the attic—it just hadn’t been in when the inspector was there), and were done by 9:30. We did end up with a list of about five minor things that they needed to fix (including the shutters/door and shower rods) but it was nothing major (thankfully). Then it was off to the lawyer’s office for closing.

The closing went very smoothly. The lawyer was very nice—and funny. We signed about 30 sets of papers and were done in about a half hour. One good thing is that our mortgage is going to be lower than we first thought—at least until next year. Since the house wasn’t completed at the first of the year, we don’t get charged all the taxes—so our payment is about $75 lower per month than we thought. And next year, even after it goes up, it will still be a bit less than we thought. Bonus! We thanked the lawyer, thanked our realtor, then sat in the car saying “We just bought a house. We own a house. Oh my god.”

Then it was off to set up our water and electricity accounts. And eat a celebratory lunch. And head to Lowes for the first of many trips—we knew we had underestimated how much paint we needed, plus we had decided on the color for the main/guest bath (a medium turquoise). We went home (home!) and unloaded the car and got ready to paint! I taped up two rooms while Tom put the epoxy coating on the garage floor. Then our neighbors saw us so they came over and we stood in the driveway talking for about an hour. It’s so cool to have neighbors that we can talk to!!

After they left, we started. I had SO been looking forward to painting…but damn, I forgot how hard it was! And how painstaking it could be. And how frustrated I get when I can see roller lines. But I wanted it painted, so it was getting painted and I tried not to complain at all. It was after midnight by the time we finished the first coat of green (Misty Sea) and the first coat of red (Chilled Wine).

Saturday (31 May)

We slept in until 9, then I started edging the bedroom while Tom finished the garage floor. Then it was back to Lowes for more painting supplies…and a few other odds and ends (including a vacuum). I can’t recall what all we bought (it was mostly stuff we needed), but it was an expensive trip. The only bonus is that they had a 10% military discount until June 6! We grabbed lunch, then back at home it was more painting. Tom and I finally worked out a good system whereby he did the edging with a cool tool and I did the walls. Somewhere along the line, we took another trip to Lowes for more supplies—I wanted toilet paper holders—and we ended up getting a medicine cabinet (which he have to return because it doesn’t fit right) and a ceiling fan that we just fell in love with (that was a bonus because, unbeknownst to us, it came with a $25 rebate—but we had to get it because it will go PERFECTLY with how we want to paint the room). Then Tom was messing around with getting the washer and dryer hooked up and realized that we were missing a plug for the dryer (or was it the washer?) that was supposed to have been included. So, while he ran into town to pick it up, I started painting the bathroom. It was a small room, but it was a lot of work and I did most of it myself.

We had dinner at our neighbors at 6:30 (it was so cool to be able to just walk there!) and came home around 9…and started painting again! I didn’t want to AT ALL—I was SO dead tired and sore—but we had to get as much done as possible. And Tom kept reminding me that *I* was the one who wanted all the color! So, we got the second coats on both the den and bedroom, including edging. We also did a test run with the washer and dryer. OH MY. The front-load washer is the ultimate in cool. It is so quiet you would not even know it was running. Plus, it’s fun to watch! (Too bad it’s not inside so Fuzzy can watch it!) And the clothes came out almost dry! It was after midnight, again, when we finally went to bed.

Sunday (1 June)

I honestly thought I would die if I had to pick up a paintbrush or roller again, so Tom finished the second coat in the bathroom while I cleaned up, packed, and vacuumed the house. It was a GORGEOUS morning, so I turned off the A/C and opened all the windows! (I know there won’t be too many perfect days like that, so you have to take advantage when you can.) Tom planted our lilac bush (or, rather, lilac twig!) and I sat on the screen porch and made a few calls. We were done and showered and ready to go by 11:30. It was very hard leaving, especially knowing what we had to go home to (yucky apartment!) and that we wouldn’t be back to our house for three weeks!

Miscellany

Everyone warned us there would be bugs—lots of ’em. And believe me when I say they were NOT kidding. The mosquitoes are HUGE and they are all over. And in addition to the bugs, there are spiders (brown recluse, among others). And toads (those little mini ones). And bullfrogs (which are fun to listen to). One night in our garage, there were three mini toads, a spider, a cricket, and many mosquitoes. Lovely. I got pictures of them all just in case you don’t believe me.

Painters tape is a crock. We had two different kinds (brown paper with a tacky strip and blue tape) and neither worked well at all. The brown stuff actually came off on it’s own before we even got around to painting. It was actually pointless to use it—I did better hand-edging. Needless to say we have LOTS of touch-up to do on the trim and just a few spots on the ceiling.

After we completed our walk-through (and tested the facilities!) we went to visit Heidi and Neil and see their house. We loved it—seeing their vibrantly painted rooms confirmed our decision to paint our rooms! (Their living room is a wonderful golden color and their kitchen/dining area is a rich red.) Of course, the topic of conversation turned to “Where are you from?” and it turns out Heidi grew up in Michigan and lived in Traverse City for a few years! We knew all of the same places and hangouts—and she already put in an order for Traverse City wine when we come home! Then it was time to head home—saving money by not staying in a hotel for the second night!

One of the silliest things I am most excited about is having lights in every room! After six years of apartment living and having to have lamps in every room for ANY light at all, permanent fixtures are a wonderful convenience! But there are also quirks: There are cable outlets in the den and each of the three bedrooms—but not the living room! (And the one in the den is next to the fireplace?!?! Someone was NOT thinking on that one.) Along the same line, there are phone jacks in the kitchen, living room, and all three bedrooms, but NOT the den. Why??? And then there are the little things we can’t wait to find out what they’re for—like the pipe coming out of the house at about attic level!

Paint bought!

We finally decided on a few colors for some of the rooms so we braved the Memorial Day Weekend traffic and went to Fredericksburg to get our paint at Lowes (they had the brand of paint we wanted). The scans don’t do the colors justice, but are good enough for you to get an idea. (The blotches you see are the actual paint smears.)

Den (room with fireplace): We were leaning towards painting just the fireplace wall a maroon/reddish/wine color and painting the other three a light tan/suede color—to really draw attention to the fireplace as a focal point. However, we did end up deciding on all one color. We have a 6′ mirror for above the fireplace that I think we’re going to gold leaf or paint gold (depending on how expensive gold leaf is!).

Master Bedroom: We had planned on a sage of some sort to match our comforter, which was labeled as celadon…but NO paint samples named “celadon” even came close! We thought we had come to a decision, but changed our mind in Lowes. I hope it looks okay—the color was REALLY hard to match.

Master Bathroom: I knew I wanted some shade of lilac to match a shower curtain I just got (which matches the lilac accessories my Aunt Marge got us for Christmas). I wanted it light (because the bathroom is small) but dark enough to still know it’s a purple! The interesting thing about the purples is that I had picked out about 20 different cards—thinking any of them would be good…but when it came time to actually match them, there were red purples and blue purples and purple purples! I hope we succeeded.

Living room: Still deciding. No idea. I want it to go nicely with the Den and the Dining Room/Kitchen because you’ll be able to see both (all colors together, since it’s fairly open). And it also had to go nicely with our olive-greenish couches. We thought of a gold color, but our friends’ living room/dining room is gold and maroon and we don’t want to copy them! I am thinking a pumpkin-ish or cinnamon-ish color maybe…but again, it can’t be too dark. Tom is leaning towards a suede/leather faux finish in a light tan color. The more I think about it, the more I like that idea, too. I might also stencil something at a chair-rail level just for more personality.

Kitchen/Dining Room: Still deciding. But we’re thinking of doing a texture—either sand or something else. Originally we were worried we’d have to paint it SOMETHING in order to make the countertops look good (since we thought they’d be too dark or not matching) but they look okay so we’re not worried. We were thinking a light peach or rust???? Something sort of Mediterranean to match the floor.

Main Bathroom: A bright yellowish gold to match a shower curtain. I like the idea of bright since it’s an inside room with no windows. I wouldn’t mind a turquoise blue of some sort, but we want to use the same rug we have (which is a country blue) and I don’t think turquoise and country blue would go well. I’m taking the rug down to see if it fits. If it doesn’t, we will go turquoise.

The other bedrooms I’m not worried about at this point. I think we have our hands full with all the other rooms. We’re definitely doing the den, bedroom, and both bathrooms. The other rooms can wait.

Inspection completed!

We got our inspection results and overall it was positive. However, there were two WOWs. One, there was a lot of “average construction quality” and “generally good condition” type comments that worried me slightly because, well, this IS A NEW HOUSE and I would expect more than average and generally good…but Dad confirmed it was the typical inspection BS. Two, the one major thing found was that the attic did not have insulation!! When we talked to our realtor, he was shocked and was definitely going to talk to the contractor! We’re waiting to hear how it went, because we fear the worst. Why? Because the contractor has been GREAT so far (so we don’t anticipate any problems) but you never know. He could suddenly become the contractor from hell or the contractor we never see. I’m just paranoid because things have gone so well this far!

We saw it and love it!

We headed out Friday afternoon in rainy weather and ran into a few traffic jams on the way (seen in the first picture)—plus a detour OFF the highway due to a HazMat cleanup. Since we were so excited, we drove straight to our house (taking a back way we discovered, which saved some time). It was dark by the time we got there, but the electricity is connected, so we had lights. We loved it. Everything was perfect! Or so Tom thought until he saw the carpet.

He was determined it was the wrong color—it looked too light. I was sure it was right, but we decided to check it out anyway. Then I checked out the countertops—which I had been VERY worried about…and they were good! They weren’t as dark green/teal as I had been afraid of and they didn’t look bad at all. Truth be told…if I had it to do over, I would probably go with another color that more closely matched the floor. Also, I would go with beige or almond appliances, to also more closely match the floor. We only spent about 20 minutes there, because we knew we’d be back the next day for a more thorough inspection. We were also hungry and tired!

Saturday morning we went to Furniture Fair to upgrade our range. Our contractor agreed to switch ranges and credit us what he paid—we just had to find what we wanted and pay the difference. The range that was included was nice—but it was electric. And I decided that if I had to continue to live with an electric range for the next three years, it was going to be a flat-top (I HATE THE COILS!). But, since we had time, we first made a detour through the living room furniture to see if I could find some high back chairs that I liked. Not that we were necessarily going to buy any, but I just had to see if I could find chairs similar to those our friends have—they are the MOST comfortable high back chairs I have ever sat in and I would buy them if I could find them (except they were 20 years old). So, in the process of sitting in chairs, we ran into a minor snafu…as I got up out of a chair, my jeans were snagged by the chair in front of me—there was a wire sticking out! We called a manager over to show him, and they are replacing my jeans (well, sending me a check). So, although we were upset at ruining a pair of jeans, it was very cool that they’re taking care of it. So back to range upgrading.

Front Load WasherWe headed over to the appliances—but before we got to the ranges, we saw that they had a washer and dryer on clearance for $850. And it was a front-load washer like we wanted. So we looked at it, hmmmed and hawed (I wanted to run to a computer to check it out online), and thought we really wanted it. But we weren’t there to buy a washer and dryer—we were only there to upgrade the range! So we moved on to the ranges, saying we’d think about the set. There were only a few ranges in our price range (meaning cheap) so it didn’t take long. We debated over two ($50 difference) for about five minutes and ended up choosing the exact same range we had but in the flat-top. Then it was back to look at the washer/dryer set while the salesman did our paperwork. We looked more and talked more and decided what the hell—we needed a washer and dryer so why not get it now when it was on sale??? So, that was more paperwork. But then we noticed that they were running a “12 month/No Payments/No Interest” sale for purchases over $1000, so we had to add something else (the upgrade didn’t count). They had garbage disposals…so we added one and there we were! Now we have a year to pay for it all.

Then it was off to lunch (Texas Steakhouse, which I’m THRILLED with because they have my fried chicken salad that I miss from a restaurant in Lansing) and then to Sherwin Williams to check on the carpet. They looked it up and told us Pewter was installed and then showed us the samples—and it was indeed Pewter. Phew! Then it was off to our house. The first thing I did was to go outside to take a picture of the whole house. After the first shot, I saw a girl across the street, and we both yelled hello and then just walked to each other and started talking. She introduced herself and her husband (Brittany and Joel) and one of the first things I told them was that when we were deciding which house to buy, it was either ours or theirs and I really liked theirs for the inside washer and dryer and the master bedroom/bathroom (jacuzzi tub)…and her response was that they really liked ours because the washer and dryer were in the garage and they wanted our screen porch! Then Tom came looking for me and came over and we all chatted for awhile. We mentioned our mutual friends Heidi and Neil, who live down the street a few houses (Tom and Neil are classmates) and they said they knew their neighbors (also military) and they were already dog-sitting for them!

Then it was back to our house to do the unofficial walk-through. We told our realtor that we just wanted to see the house with everything done—but really, we wanted to do a walk-through on our own without the contractor there. We thought we’d be able to take more time and do a more thorough search for problems without him watching us and hovering over us. And there were problems. The only major thing was the shutters and front door—they are supposed to be hunter green but they are brown. We’ve already told him this and he was going to change it, but it obviously slipped his mind. The other things are minor, but there are lots…dings/scrathes/gouges in lots of the walls, mismatched fixtures (both silver and gold in the bathroom), misplaced fixtures (a light not centered over the mirror where it should be), drawers that didn’t sit right, carpet not installed nicely, painting errors, etc. I have about five handwritten pages to type up and fax to the contractor. I’m assuming (hoping?!) they had already planned to fix most of the obvious things (the huge dents in the wall). And, of course, we took loads of pictures.

IT’S OFFICIAL!!

3:40pm

Our mortgage guy called me at work to tell me the paperwork is done and the loan has been approved!! So, we’re FINALLY official!! Of course, I was totally geeked about it and couldn’t even think about working the rest of my shift, so my manager let me go home (it also didn’t hurt that we were overstaffed at the moment). The hardest part was not being able to share it with Tom right away—he’s out in the field for two days (most of you will probably have found out before he did!).

4:30pm

I got another call from our realtor to set up the actual closing time and to try and set up the walk-through with the contractor. That’s the only thing left, aside from the actual closing paperwork (which is still set for May 30). I called Tom and left him a message to call me ASAP because I was home early from work and had news for him! We’re still planning on going down in two weeks to see everything completed (and take pictures, before it all gets too hectic) and to have the inspection done. We really debated about having a home inspection (and when I say really debated, I mean REALLY debated) but decided “better safe than sorry.” So, we’ve got to get that scheduled. Hopefully it will work out so that we can do the walk-through with the inspector. If not, our realtor said he could do it.

5:30pm

After a flurry of calls from the realtor, we have finally set up the walk-through with the contractor. Since it’s nearly impossible for us to be there on a weekday (the only time they do walk-throughs), we’re going to do it right before the closing…so it’s going to be a busy day!

6:15pm

Tom called (on schedule, since he thought I worked until 6) and I told him the news. He didn’t quite believe me at first, but after I assured him the loan was a done deal, I admit I head a WAHOO from his end! Of course, he was totally geeked, too. HOMEOWNERS! OFFICIALLY! YIPPEE!

The waiting game…

April’s theme so far has been paperwork and worry. Lots of paperwork for the mortgage guy to confirm the credit reports and lots of worry on our part. There hasn’t really been anything specific to worry about—just the fact that we both have this feeling that something is going to go wrong—we can’t be this lucky to get this house. We did ask what could possibly screw this up now, and the mortgage guy said not much, but was honest and said that my transfer to Staples was a factor—since they figured our loan amount based on my current salary and what I told them I would be making in Jacksonville. They have a letter from my GM stating my guaranteed earnings and my intent to transfer, but I’ll surely (eventually) need a letter from Jacksonville stating their acceptance of my transfer and a confirmation of my earnings. Overall, it’s not expected to be a problem…it’s just a slight worry that they won’t accept my transfer because I make too much money (from the other retail jobs I’ve seen ads for, the going rate is about $2 to $3 less per hour than I make)…and they don’t HAVE to accept the transfer. So, we’re taking one day at a time.

On the fun side, we’ve been researching appliances and paint and everything house-related. Friends of ours recently bought a house, so they’ve been a wealth of information—including a subscription to Consumer Reports which we’ve been taking advantage of!! Tom has been busily researching shed plans, fence plans, and workshop plans. I’ve been thinking and rethinking paint colors for all the rooms and trying to arrange the rooms before we get there.

Good news…and bad news.

So I get a call at work today from one of the managers at the Jacksonville Staples. He basically just called to say hello, let me know they were excited to get me, and let me know he got the paperwork—and to see if I had any questions for him. I asked about the letter for the mortgage company and he had no idea. Lovely. I said all the information was faxed at the same time as the transfer paperwork…but he didn’t get that part. Okaaaay. So I explained to him what I needed and said I’d refax the info to him and he said it shouldn’t be a problem. Then I explained about my start date—why it would probaly be July 1 and he was okay with it. He did tell me that they really need someone now, but they will hold the position for me until I get there. So, that’s good. But then he says “So, did Todd talk to you about salary at all?” and I said no. He said “I see here on your paperwork that you make $9.25 an hour. Unfortunately, the highest I can start you at is $8.00—which is $2/hour more than I normally start people at.” My heart almost stopped. I mean, I had known in the very back of my mind that it was possible, but I honestly didn’t think it would happen. He went on to tell me that the Specialists there make about that much (as I make now), so he couldn’t give me that. Then he said “How does that sit with you?” And I told him I didn’t really have much choice as I really needed the job. But man, that’s a huge pay cut for me. It’s like starting all over—back to when I was hired. And that really sucks. He gave me the song and dance about how the cost of living is cheaper down there and all, but still. That’s a huge pay cut for me. But what can you do? At least I can be thankful I have a job.

Staples transfer in progress.

Tom had called our mortgage guy the day before just to check in and see how things were going. Everything was going fine, except that he said he was still waiting for a letter from the Jacksonville Staples regarding my transfer. Um, excuse me? Still waiting? He had told me before that we would probably need the letter, but he would let us know for sure. We hadn’t heard anything so I wasn’t worrying about the letter. So, now I had to. I talked to my General Manager and explained everything, so he called the Jacksonville Staples right then. Of course, I was paranoid that they would say they no longer had room for me…so imagine my surprise when it was the total opposite! Long story short, they would take me today if I could be down there. When my GM told them my start date would probably be July 1 (a sensible date I gave him, since we’re moving on the 19th and are planning at least an 8-day trip to Michigan)—the manager said if I could get there sooner, it would be appreciated. Hoo boy. So, I’m not sure what I’m going to do about my start date, but at least it’s great to know they still do want me and are looking forward to me arriving. So the paperwork has been faxed, and I’m giving it a few days before I call to check on their letter to the mortgage company.

On an actual house note, Tom called our contractor to check and see when the house would be done (since no one has given us a date so far). He said it should be completed by May 13, which is about two weeks before closing. We are trying to decide whether or not to go down that following weekend to see everything, or just wait until closing. I hate to make two trips so close together, but I don’t think either of us will be able to wait until closing!

Shopping…and a phone call!

So last night we went to IKEA for “one last time” since there’s not one in NC…and we ended up finding the PERFECT dining room chairs. I’ve always loved the fabric covered look…and I absolutely HATE the ones that “came with” our table—they’re much too small and uncomfortable for my big butt and they’re not padded and they’re slippery. All-around yuck. But they matched the table and they were only $50 each (you get what you pay for). Sooo, anyway, as far as I’m concerned, they’ve served their purpose and it’s time for new ones. Anyhoo, I really only was looking for slipcovers (a la Trading Spaces!) but they didn’t have any good ones (just some 70s-looking stretchy tube-top-looking ones—not!) so we started looking at chairs. And I just LOVE these. They are birch, so they match our table (although they’ll be mostly covered up). And you can take the covers off to wash. They are a bit more expensive but they are SOOOO comfy and look so much more elegant! So, now I have to sell our current chairs. Hopefully someone around here will want to buy them. They’re like new, for pete’s sake, since we never sit at the table. Tom said to say “Used for 32 meals.”

So, while we were shopping, our cell phone rang. First, it scared the bejesus out of us because we didn’t know it was with us (it was in my purse and had been there who knows how long)—and second, who would be calling us on our cell??? It was Don, our realtor. He was just calling to say he was sitting in front of our house and wanted to let us know what was going on. They had put in the flooring, cupboards, and countertops—and the landscaping was done. LANDSCAPING? I knew they were going to throw down some grass seed, but actual landscaping? We must have missed that in the brochure. LOL So now, Tom and I are itching to go back down even more!! Unfortunately, the next few weekends are out—but we’re planning!!

Our second visit.

After a short night’s sleep (nastily interrupted at 3am by the alarm that the housekeeper apparently forgot to make sure was OFF), it was off to meet with the contractor at 7:45. He was an extremely nice and easygoing guy—we really liked him. As expected, we only had about 16 carpet samples to choose from—but I was immediately glad we had decided on color ahead of time. We knew we didn’t want anything in the brown family, so that knocked out about six colors right there.

We also knew we didn’t want major color, so that knocked out about six more (greens, blues, pinks, and black). So, of the few that were left, we chose Pewter, or a medium gray. Cool, one decision in 30 seconds!

Next we were handed countertop samples. Of course, none of them jumped out at me—and none of them even closely resembled any of the 20 we picked out at Home Depot. I wanted something granite-looking but it wasn’t meant to be. We thought we’d like some color, but not too much or anything that would possibly clash. I kept thinking about my purple dishes and what would go with those but that didn’t work too well, either. We ended up picking some boring gray stuff.

Next on the list was linoleum. Surprisingly, we had a huge stack of choices—and as an added bonus, we could choose different styles for the kitchen, bathrooms, and entryways!! We already knew we didn’t want anything that looked like typical linoleum for the kitchen, so that knocked out all but about 15 samples. Of the remaining samples, my favorite style came in about six different colors schemes, so it was just a matter of which one we liked best. We chose a Spanish/Mediterranean style tile-looking pattern in about 6″-squares in peaches, browns, tans, and greys. Surprising even ourselves, the decision took about three minutes. We also chose that pattern for the entryways. Bathrooms were next, and it took about a minute to decide on plain white squares, tiled in 1″ segments, for both bathrooms.

Then we wondered about our countertop laminate choice—it didn’t really go well with the flooring we had just picked (that we loved). It was okay, but nothing great. So it was back to the laminate samples again. I still didn’t really love anything, but we both sort of liked this greenish speckled stuff but I wasn’t sure it went well enough with the floor. But, Tom liked it—said it was a nice contrasting color—so I said “What the hell!” and went with that (although I’m still second-guessing that one). I can’t wait to see if it was the right decision!

Then, we got to pick cupboards—even though there wasn’t much of a choice: dark or medium wood (your basic oakish looking stuff). I would have liked something a bit lighter (more birch) or a bit darker (more cherry) but it wasn’t meant to be. Beggars can’t be choosers, right?

We also got to pick shutters—something I hadn’t even THOUGHT of. It was a good thing, too, since he said it was slated for brown slat-style doors (ick!) and we chose hunter green raised-panel doors.

The last thing we got to pick was appliance color. Since stainless steel wasn’t an option, we went with white, although thinking back, off white would probably have gone better with the floors. Oh well.

All in all, we made all the decisions in about 30 minutes. I think we really surprised the contractor, and he was impressed that we did some pre-planning before we got there. Of course, we were so wrapped up in making the decisions that we didn’t even think to take pictures of any of our decisions…so my descriptions will have to suffice for now. And the only new pictures you get are of the inside of the house. Oh, and we found out that the siding is apparently cream, not light yellow as I thought. It’s one of those “depending on how the light hits it” kind of things.

A Whirlwind Week

We were going crazy thinking about stuff we never drempt we’d be thinking of. I actually think we were on autopilot for a few days. Of course I, being the organizer, immediately created a hanging folder for all the information and paperwork we had…plus I started a notebook for any questions we had and thoughts that occurred. I didn’t want to forget or overlook anything.

Of course, every 10 minutes we alternated between “WE’RE BUYING A HOUSE!” to “Something has got to go wrong. We won’t get this house. It was too easy.” After all, we hadn’t bought the house yet. In our excitement over the whole thing (and our total cluelessness as to the actual house-buying-process), we actually thought we had already bought the house! Silly, silly us—we had just signed a contract for the offer to purchase the house! (Oh, the things you learn after the fact!) We did still have to gather lots of paperwork for the mortgage company, but our agent assured us he didn’t anticipate any problems with us getting the loan.

Just to calm our nerves a little—and to hopefully prepare for future decisions—we spent some time at Home Depot looking at carpet and linoleum so we’d hopefully get an idea of what we liked before we had to make any decisions. We’d rather spend unhurried time here looking at everything and hashing it out—than end up having to spend three hours with the contractor arguing over minutiae. As it turned out, it’s a good thing we did this, because our real estate agent called us mid-week to tell us it was time to pick out our carpet—the contractor was moving along quite rapidly and he was ready! This really caught us off-guard because we assumed we’d have a few weeks, or maybe we could even stop by Lowes to pick out stuff (if that’s the vendor the contractor used). But nope—less than a week after we were in NC the first time, schedules were rearranged and we were headed back down! Unfortunately, I couldn’t take off the whole weekend, so we didn’t get to leave until Friday around 4 and I had to be back to work Sunday at 10.

Our first visit.

After some research and contact with a real estate agent, we decided to finally bite the bullet and head to Jacksonville, North Carolina (Camp Lejeune), for the weekend to see the area and start looking for a place to rent. It really was too early to look at rentals (since everything we looked at would surely be gone by the time we were ready to plunk down a deposit) but we went with our real estate agent anyway just to get a feel for what was in store for us.

Unfortunately, there wasn’t much…having pets really cuts down on the number of available options. So, what there was we either didn’t like (the first house we saw was absolutely gorgeous on the outside with a cute little driveway and front yard…but the inside was very old and in need of TOO much work—plus it was $850/month) or the ones that we really liked were just too expensive (the last house we looked inside was perfect—just the right size, great amenities, and much much newer [what we’re used to]—but it was $925/month—somewhat outside our budget).

Sidenote: For those of you who know what we pay now for our dinky apartment ($900), you may be asking “What’s the big deal about paying that much for a house?” Well…it’s a matter of how much Tom is allotted for housing. Since Quantico has a higher cost of living (pretty much the highest in the country), we get just over $900/month for housing. Camp Lejeune, however, has a much lower cost of living, and we’ll only get about $700—so anything above that comes straight out of our pockets. And while we could afford a BIT above that, we certainly couldn’t afford $200 or so above that.

We looked at many neighborhoods, and we didn’t like any of them. Most were very crowded (think cars parked on the road and houses an arm’s length apart) and were older buildings besides. The townhouses were nice—somewhat crowded but acceptable—but none had garages (something we really wanted for storage purposes, which is why we wanted to rent a house in the first place). So, since we weren’t finding any acceptable rentals, our realtor (of course) suggested buying a new house. After we got done laughing at him, we explained that we’d love to, but that we didn’t really think our finances were in good enough order to do so. He said “Let’s just go look at some new houses. You’d be surprised at what the rent would be…considerably less than what you’re looking at for rentals.” So off we went.

About eight miles out of town, we reached River Hills, a brand new subdivision (where, ironically, we saw neither a river nor a hill). And we looked at two new houses, neither of which was even finished being built (but one of which was the reverse twin of the house we loved earlier but which was too expensive). Of course, we loved both, but didn’t want to get excited about them…I mean, really. Us buying a house? What planet did we think we were living on? As we stood there falling in love, the agent whipped out his trusty calculator and figured our payments would be about $700 a month. What? That certainly got our attention!! On the way back to the office, we again explained our concerns with getting a loan, and he said “We’ll just have you call our mortgage agents and see what happens. We’ll go from there.” So we did. And to our surprise, we were pre-approved for a VA Loan!! So we decided to go ahead and buy a house! We quickly debated which one of the two we wanted and he started the offer-to-purchase paperwork! We came back a few hours later and signed!

It’s a three-bedroom, two-bath house with a two-car garage, fireplace, and a huge screened-in porch. Since the house isn’t finished, we will get to pick the carpet, flooring, countertops, and cupboards. It comes with some appliances, but we have to buy our own refrigerator and washer/dryer…along with some other things we hadn’t though of like a mailbox and garage door opener!

So, after we finished the paperwork, the rest of the night was spent saying “OH MY GOD. WE BOUGHT A HOUSE” about every 10 minutes. We are so very excited, yet scared to death. The whole process was just so sudden (we were NOT planning on buying and by the end of the day, we had bought a house!) and easy (I had always imagined the house-buying process to be looooong and very tedious).

After we had dinner out with friends, we decided it was time to call the parents! Tom called Marsha first and of course, she was thrilled for us. Ironically, she told us, she had recently bought a landscaping book for us, in the event we EVER bought a house. Then I called my dad and Linda—and the first words out of his mouth were “Without asking me?” Gotta love dad. Of course, they were also thrilled for us, and wanted to know every last detail (and you know dad is just itching to get here to make sure the contractor is doing everything correctly)! Then I called mom and David and after the initial shock wore off, they were thrilled for us, too!

We’re both excited to actually have space, space, and more space. For once, we’ll actually have too LITTLE furniture!! We’ll also have a dedicated computer room and a dedicated guest room (you won’t get a real bed, but you’ll get a blow up bed in your own room)! Tom is excited because he’ll get to have a workshop in the garage (which means he’ll have to park in the driveway, which he accepts!). I’m excited because I actually get to decorate—I’m already picking out paint colors in my head (master bedroom, light sage; main bath, golden yellow). We don’t relish the thought of having to spend a few grand on appliances, etc., but it’s a necessary evil. I also don’t really like having the washer/dryer in the garage, but we liked that house better overall (the floor plan felt more open and therefore bigger) plus we really liked the screen porch (or “The Fuzzy Run” as we’ve taken to calling it—he’ll probably get his own kitty door).

Closing is officially May 30, and we’ll be moving in shortly after Tom graduates on June 13!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?? WE STILL CAN’T!!!!

Lt. & Mrs. Thomas & Jennifer Hudson

You can find all of the wedding pictures at Shutterfly — why duplicate the effort here?

The short story…

THOMAS AND JENNIFER TIED THE KNOT on an absolutely gorgeous Saturday morning in the Northern Michigan town where they met. The ceremony went off without a hitch (okay, maybe one—but you’ll have to read further to see what it was) and everyone loved the couple’s personalized vows. Then the couple and their guests enjoyed a three-hour gourmet lunch reception aboard the local Grand Traverse Dinner Train. The couple left the reception on a horse-drawn carriage.

The long story…

SMITH/HUDSON WEDDING CEREMONY
August 18, 2001
Grand Traverse Children’s Gardens
Traverse City, Michigan
10:30am

Pre-Ceremony

The girls arrived at the library at 10:15…in plenty of time for the wedding (10:30!), but much later than anticipated. (We originally planned to get dressed at the library, but it just didn’t happen.) I had also totally forgotten that we had lots of wedding stuff in the van that had really needed to be at the site earlier (the CD player and prelude music, the guest-signing picture frame/matte, and the programs) so that stressed me out even more, although I do have to give my attendants (and brother!) credit for getting things taken care of. A stream of people came in to see me, and while it was nice, my mind was elsewhere—I was still very nervous and hoping that everything went okay. I was elated to see that after all my worrying and back-and-forth with the florist, my flowers were absolutely gorgeous (sidenote: they were MUCH heavier than I anticipated). Then before I knew it, it was time! (I also learned that the guys had arrived at the library much earlier, and were actually starting to get worried because we weren’t there yet!)

Ceremony

I had to wait with my dad around the corner while the mothers were seated, because Tom was doing it and he couldn’t take the chance of seeing me. My dad started to say something that sounded sentimental and I bluntly told him to be quiet. Then he started again and I “shhh”ed him again. This went on for a good minute. I kept telling him he couldn’t say anything that would make me cry since that would ruin my makeup and give me red eyes!! He ended up getting out one sentence which wasn’t TOO bad! Then we got our cue, so as we walked toward the garden, I looked over and saw Tom standing there in his uniform. WOW!!!!! He looked absolutely amazing! So we stopped at the back of the garden and waited for the trumpeter to start. It was VERY surreal looking around and seeing everyone who was there, all looking at me—and Tom waiting for me! Then the trumpeter started and we walked up the aisle.

I alternated between looking at all the guests, looking up at Tom, and looking at the ground (for dips and bumps) to make sure I didn’t trip and fall. The aisle wasn’t very long, so that part was over quickly. Tom came down to us, my dad handed me off to Tom and shook his hand, then I gave him a kiss and Tom and I walked up to our places. Julie welcomed everyone and started the ceremony. This was the weirdest part, because we were both just standing there looking at everyone. I wanted to at least hold hands (wondering if brides and grooms normally did that—I couldn’t remember!) but I had my bouquet and he was being Mr. Strict Military Man (as he was technically supposed to be) with his arms at his sides, his hands in little fists. This part seemed to go on FOREVER. However, it was neat to have time to be able to see everyone who was there!

WEDDING PROGRAM

Clicking any of the four wedding program thumbnails below will popup a full-size version.

PRELUDE

Various Classical Selections

PROCESSIONAL

Variations on a Theme by Paganini (Rachmaninoff)

Seating of the mothers (Grandma, Marsha, Linda, Jean) by Tom

That’s How You Know It’s Love (Deana Carter)

Groom’s Attendants (Kate, Don, Morgan)

Best Man (Rob)

Groom (Tom)

Bride’s Attendants (Marie, Kathryn, Beth)

Maid of Honor (Angi)

Flower Girl (Jessica)

Trumpet Voluntary (Clarke)

Bride & Father (Jen and Mike)

THE PRESENTATION OF THE BRIDE

Who presents this bride for marriage? Her parents. (Dad hands Jen off to Tom. Tom shakes Dad’s hand. Jen kisses Dad on cheek. Jen and Tom walk together to front and face the guests.)

WELCOMING OF THE GUESTS

Good morning. I’m Reverend Julie Chai and I have the honor of officiating this marriage ceremony which Jennifer, Tom, and I have co-created. On behalf of Tom and Jennifer, I would like to welcome all of you to this ceremony celebrating the love they have for each other. We would also like to welcome those who have passed on and are celebrating with us in spirit today—especially Tom’s father, Robert.

We would like to take this opportunity to introduce you to the parents of the couple. Would the parents please stand? On your left is Tom’s mother, Marsha, and Jennifer’s mother Jean and stepfather David. On your right, her father Michael and stepmother Linda.

QUESTIONS TO THE PARENTS

As the parents of Thomas and Jennifer, do you affirm your continuing support and love to them as they grow in their marriage? Yes.

Do you celebrate with them in their decision to choose each other? Yes.

Do you offer them the best of your care and counsel in times of struggle, and will you celebrate with them in times of joy? Yes.

THE ROLE OF THE COMMUNITY

As the much loved friends and family of the couple, you are very important to them and your role in their marriage is a very important one as well. Today you will be witnesses to the vows they will be making uniting them as a couple. As witnesses, they ask that during times of stress, you offer them a quiet listening ear, advice when requested, and encouragement to uphold their vows, honoring the love they have found in each other. It is our hope that as we celebrate the love of Jennifer and Tom here today, that you will also cherish and hold more dear your own loving relationships. And as they take their vows, that you, too, will find renewed commitment in the relationships you have made in the sacredness of your own lives.

ABOUT THE COUPLE

I asked Tom and Jennifer why they want to get married and what is drawing them to each other. Tom noted that he was first attracted to Jennifer’s eyes and smile. He said, “I love her personality and sense of humor. We are so much alike that it’s comforting. She’s easy to be around.” To this Jennifer quickly added, “It feels like we’ve been together forever.” Tom agreed, noting that they often know what each other is thinking and he said, “Jennifer is my best friend and I couldn’t think of being with anyone else.”

Jennifer remembered the first time they met, saying, “When we saw each other across the smoky bar and met [big laugh from the guests!], we knew that night we would get married.” She said that she loves the fact that Tom loves her unconditionally, no matter what. And she appreciates how easygoing Tom is and how he gets along with everyone in her family. Finally, she noted, “Tom does his best to make me happy, including the cute little animal noises I love.” [Everyone laughed. Then, still laughing, Julie asked if anyone had ever heard these noises—because she kept hearing about them but had never actually heard them. Everyone laughed again.]

WORDS OF SPIRITUAL SIGNIFICANCE

And now Jennifer’s Aunt Marge will offer some thoughts on love:

Love is caring as much about the welfare and happiness of your spouse as about your own. It makes burdens lighter because you divide them and joys more intense because you share them. Love is a promise that is always kept, a fortune that can never be spent, and love is a seed that can flourish even in the most unlikely places.

And now Jennifer’s brother-in-law, Jim Coe, will read an excerpt from The Art of Marriage:

A good marriage must be created. Remember that it is the little things that are the big things. It is never being too old to hold hands…remembering to say I love you at least once a day…never going to bed angry…and at no time taking the other for granted. In a good marriage you have a mutual sense of values and common objectives. And you stand together facing the world. In a good marriage you do things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy. You speak words of gratitude and demonstrate it in thoughtful ways. In a good marriage, the husband is not expected to wear a halo, or the wife the wings of an angel. You do not look for perfection in the other, but cultivate flexibility, patience, understanding, and a sense of humor. You forgive and forget. A good marriage is not only about marrying the right partner, but being the right partner.

SYMBOL OF UNITY

As a symbol of their unity, Jennifer and Tom have chosen a bell. During times of conflict and pain they will ring this bell. In ringing the bell, they will be reminded of the love that unites them and surrounds them here today. The ringing of the bell by the couple.

THE HANDS OF THE BRIDE AND GROOM

[Note: At this point, we finally get to turn towards each other.]

Jennifer, hold Tom’s hands, palm up.

Jennifer, these are the hands of your best friend—young, strong, and vibrant as he promises to love you all the days of his life.

These hands will work alongside yours as you build your future together, laugh and cry, and share your innermost secrets and dreams.

Though large and strong, these are the hands that will be so gentle as he holds your baby for the first time.

These are the hands that will work long hours for you and your new family.

And these hands will love and cherish you throughout the years in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy.

Jennifer, bless these hands you hold before you this day.

Thomas, hold Jennifer’s hands, palm up.

Tom, these are the hands of your best friend—smooth, young, and carefree as she promises to love you all the days of her life.

These are the hands that will hold you tight as you struggle through difficult times.

These hands will hold you with joy and excitement and hope each time she tells you that you are to have another child, that together you have created a new life.

These hands will console and comfort you.

And these hands will love and cherish you throughout the years in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in joy.

Tom, bless these hands you hold before you this day.

Please join in the unison prayer for the blessing of the vows by repeating after me:

Jennifer and Tom, we your friends and family celebrate your love and with our love bless the vows you are about to make. Receive the patience, courage, wisdom, and humor you need to grow together, and fulfilling your vows now and forever.

THE VOWS OF THE COUPLE AND EXCHANGE OF RINGS

Jennifer’s vows:

Thomas, I love you.

  • I promise to affirm my love for you by giving you a quick wink and a smile to let you know everything is okay.
  • I promise to hold you and comfort you to make you feel safe.
  • I promise to try to appreciate the good in everything.
  • I promise I will give you time to work things out when you feel overwhelmed.
  • I promise to do my best to accept the time it takes you to analyze and make a purchase.
  • I promise to accept your quirkiness and unique sense of humor.
  • I’ll do my best to understand your need to have the TV on all the time.
  • I promise to do my best to understand and accept your future military responsibilities and not make you feel guilty about having to put studying first.
  • I’ll do my best to try not to watch QVC as much.
  • I promise to never put another sugarprincess sticker on my car, just in case you ever have to drive it.
  • I look forward to making our relationship even stronger and spending the rest of my life with you.
  • Thomas, I give you this ring as a symbol of our vows—and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you.

Thomas’ Vows:

Jennifer, I love you.

  • I promise to be faithful, trustworthy, and honest with you.
  • I promise to listen to you and only fix the things you ask me to.
  • I’ll do my best to communicate more, even when the topic might be uncomfortable for me.
  • I’ll do my best to compromise, even with my TV habits, such as endless channel flipping.
  • I’ll do my best to support your decisions, even if I might not agree with them.
  • I promise not to become addicted to any more computer games.
  • And I look forward to making our relationship even stronger and spending the rest of my life with you.
  • Jennifer, I give you this ring as a symbol of our vows—and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you.

THE PRONOUNCEMENT

Please join me in pronouncing the couple husband and wife:

Tom and Jennifer, we now pronounce you husband and wife.

THE KISS

THE APACHE WEDDING PRAYER

Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter for the other.

Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth to the other.

Now you will feel no loneliness, for each of you will be companionship for the other.

Now you are two persons, but there is only one life between you.

Go now to your dwelling place, to enter into the days of your life together.

UNISON PRAYER FOR THE BLESSING OF THE COUPLE

Please join in the Unison Blessing of the Couple by repeating after me:

Jennifer and Tom, may your lives be blessed with health, love, and happiness, and may your home be filled with laughter now and forever.

BLESSING OF THE COMMUNITY

As you have blessed, so may you also be blessed. And may your lives also be filled with health, love, and happiness—and may your homes be filled with laughter now and forever.

INTRODUCTION OF THE COUPLE

Friends, it is my honor and pleasure to introduce to you Lieutenant and Mrs. Thomas and Jennifer Hudson.

RECESSIONAL

These Are Days (10,000 Maniacs)

 

Post-Ceremony

After the recessional, we came back and greeted the guests at their rows and everyone said they loved the ceremony—and some people even asked for copies of it and suggested I post it online. It took awhile to get the pictures started (especially getting the extended families together for each family picture), but once they did, they went pretty well. By this time, too, it was quite warm (although not terribly hot and humid) so I was really warm with all the layers of the dress. I really needed a fresh application of powder to take away the shine I had developed, but I had forgotten to prepare a little makeup bag, and at that point, I had NO idea where my makeup bag was. So, I was more than a little anxious about what I would look like in pictures (as it turned out, some are great and some are way too shiny!).

Bridal Party

Reception

We made it to the train with a few minutes to spare before the 1pm departure. I made sure to tell Chandra (the photographer) to get on the train first, so she could get a picture of Tom’s reaction when he saw the personalized cake topper. So we got on the train and the server announced us and everyone clapped and it was really neat—and I almost missed Tom’s reaction to the topper because in the few minutes since I had talked to the photographer, I had forgotten about it! I actually looked down and saw the photographer and wondered what she was doing down there…and then remembered just as she was snapping the picture! He was SO surprised! He just looked at me, laughed and smiled, and said, “You stinker—you told me you weren’t doing this!” I asked if he liked it and he said he did! Then we just sat down, relaxed for a bit (and gave my feet a chance to rest—I had kicked off my shoes as soon as we sat down), and drank a lot of water! Once the train got moving, we got up and started visiting with all of the tables. Everyone LOVED everything—especially the CDs. (I was worried about having lots of extras—since I made one for everyone—and the only leftovers were for the people who didn’t show.)

Carriage

The carriage ride was very cool. We got a few honks as we rode along the main road (on our way to the side streets) and Tom even got a few salutes! Most of our ride was along the side streets, past all of these old Victorian houses. It was a nice, relaxing way to end the hectic day. One bizarre thing happened, though. As we’re clip-clopping down this one street, I see this woman step out onto her porch holding a baby—and it was my hairdresser who had done all our hair that morning (and who had been doing my hair for the past six months)!! She was like, “Jen!!!!” and I was like, “Hey Heidi!!!!” I had no idea where she lived, and we just happened to go by her house. Strange.


Vendors

Stupid Driver Gripes

Give me a license to pull people over and write tickets and you don’t even have to pay me.

I SWEAR THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED: In the left lane, a slow-moving garbage truck. In the right lane, a slower-moving semi. I was in the left lane, behind the truck and another car. As us two left-lane travellers are approaching the point where we can merge in front of the semi, the car in front of me moves into the left turn lane. Cool, I think, he is getting out of my way and I will be able to pass the truck and semi sooner. So, as I merge into the right lane (in front of the semi) and then go to move back into the left lane (in front of the truck), GUESS WHO IS ALSO MOVING BACK INTO THE LEFT LANE IN FRONT OF THE GARBAGE TRUCK?? The guy who had gone into the left turn lane!! YES, FOLKS, THE @*$!% USED THE LEFT TURN LANE TO PASS!! Had I been paying less attention, or had I moved just a hair quicker, he would have smacked right into me. WHERE ARE THE COPS WHEN YOU NEED THEM?? Needless to say I flipped the guy off.

I SWEAR THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED: I’m in the left lane behind a slow-moving car. There’s no one in the right lane, but there’s not really enough distance for me to worry about passing because I NEED to be in the left lane to make a left turn two lights up (a short distance). So we come to a stop at a red light, and there’s STILL no one in the right lane. The light turns and off we go, still moving slow. Well, about 2 car lengths before the light (which is two lane/left and right turn only), the car decided to get in the right lane, which is now, of course, packed with cars turning right. So the car stops, with his blinker on, waiting for someone to let him in, which isn’t going to happen because there’s about 10 cars in line waiting to turn right, so he will never get over—let alone through the light—before it turns red. HELLO? Can we say planning ahead? In the meantime, about 8 cars—including me—are backed up behind this idiot in the left turn lane. So I broke the law, crossed the double yellow center line, and passed the fool. Everyone after me followed suit, and I didn’t bother to look behind me to see what happened to the idiot in the car.

I HATE PEOPLE WHO:

Leave their blinker on FOREVER when they’re obviously not changing lanes. It’s even MORE annoying when you hang back to let them in and they don’t merge.

Slow down before getting into the left or right turn lane (when there’s obviously NOTHING in their way TO slow them down), thereby causing you to slow down as well.

Slow down on the expressway BEFORE getting into the exit lane (duh, that’s what the lane is there for—so you don’t interrupt normal traffic flow).

Think they’re SOOOOO cool and sit leaning WAAAAY back in their seat (so you can barely see their eyes over the door frame) and drive with one arm; this is generally a young man in a muscle car. (See next item.)

Can barely see over the steering wheel, for whatever reason. THIS JUST CAN’T BE SAFE! Get over your insecurities and sit on a book or something—no one else other than your occupants will know, and the rest of us will feel a lot safer knowing you can see your surroundings!!

Aren’t paying attention (or don’t know the rules of the road) and don’t turn right on a red light.

Keep inching forward at a red light and then don’t go when it turns green.

Pull out RIGHT in front of you when there’s NO ONE behind you…and then don’t speed up.

Dart in and out of heavy [generally rush-hour] traffic to get ahead—when it’s obviously pointless since you end up stopped at the light together. (See next item.)

Cut in front of you (with barely a foot to spare) just because you’re not tailgating like everyone else.

Fly by you going at least 75mph in a 55mph zone, and then slow down to 70mph on the expressway, so you pass them doing 75.

Refuse to approach actual highway speed while on the expressway on-ramp, interfering with your own merge onto the highway.

Live in Michigan (or northern states in general) and don’t know how to drive in inclement weather or on snowy/icy roads. They either drive way slower or faster than conditions warrant, or think that they can blast through anything just because they are driving a 4×4 (FYI: 4x4s really have no effect on ice—they slip just like the rest of us).

Wait for you to pull out of a “good” parking spot instead of parking 5 spaces farther away.

Don’t go the speed limit. This is especially annoying on a rural highway (55mph) when it’s impossible to pass and you’re stuck doing 45-50mph because they’re out joyriding.

Drive in the left lane at the EXACT pace as the right lane—instead of using it for passing, which, of course, is what YOU want to do. This can happen either on the highway or a 4-lane thoroughfare.

Are driving slow for miles and miles…until you get to a passing lane (or a passing area) and suddenly they’re moving at the speed of light—so you can’t pass—and then after the passing area is over, they slow back down to their previous speed.

Don’t use cruise control…they pass you and then you pass them and then they pass you and then you pass them—all the while not changing YOUR speed at all.

Force you to pass them on the right. They stay in the passing lane regardless of their (your) speed, and then look at you like they’re pissed that you passed them on the right…and then they STILL don’t get over in the right lane.

Stay (or get) right on your ass, so, thinking they really want to pass, you move over to let them, and then they drop in right behind you.

Are going a bit slower than you, so you pass them, then they get on your ass, so you move over to let them pass, and they stay in the left lane going your same speed…which causes you to nudge your speed up a bit (because, of course, you’re quickly approaching another slow-moving car), and you cut in front of them to pass [the second car] bceause they didn’t keep up their passing speed. (I just did this recently and I LOVE it. Serves them right for not having the balls to pass.) BUT THEN, they have to get right on your ass again, and then fly by you doing 90, only to slow down again 2 miles later. Whatever.

Have waited too long to pass and then DART in front of you, causing you to hit the brakes. (See next item.)

Cut in front of you to pass and then don’t get out of your way when they see you quickly coming up behind them.

Turn their blinker on RIGHT AS they’re making the turn.

Don’t use their blinker when cutting directly in front of you.

Dart in front of semis as they’re coming to a stop—as if semis can stop on a dime.

Come to a complete stop before merging onto the highway. TWH

Have been waiting in the “left-turn-only” lane and THEN decide to go straight—pulling right out in front of you and cutting you off (since you were in the correct lane). This actually happened to my boyfriend, and he almost got into an accident because of the asshole. TWH

Wait and wait and wait to pull out into traffic and then pull out RIGHT in front of you—when if they would have gone right away, there wouldn’t have been any problem.

Don’t know when to honk the horn.

  • This actually happened…A mini-van almost causes an accident with an Explorer, the Explorer screeches to a (sliding) halt to avoid the collision, and then comes to a stop behind the mini-van, which is now stopped at a red light. The Explorer then sits behind the mini-van at the light for at least a minute, and then, as traffic starts moving again, decides to start honking the horn. So, may I ask, what is the point of honking so long after the fact?? That’s just it—THERE IS NO POINT—it’s a stupid driver. Honk at the time or don’t honk at all.

AND JUST WHEN I START TO THINK I CAN’T COME UP WITH ANY MORE GRIPES, WE TAKE A WEEKEND TRIP…

Can’t maintain a constant speed (in a no-passing zone, of course) and consequently travel at 65mph, then 50…55…60…55…50…65, etc. I’d much rather follow someone going a constant 60mph than some idiot going all speeds.

Don’t give it extra gas to maintain speed going up a hill, so they slow down to 45 or 50mph, and then reach 70-75mph going down the hill.

When I’m the third car in line and the idiot in front of me refuses to pass the slowpoke in front of him—even when there’s PLENTY of time, which means I never (okay, rarely) have enough room to pass both cars at once.(See next item.)

When someone then comes up behind me and, since they’re obviously so much more studly than anyone else in line, they attempt to pass all three of us, and then have to cut in the middle somewhere because they ran out of time. I’d like to NOT let those people back in and force them to run off the road—it’s the price they would pay for their stupidity.

Don’t turn their brights off after you pass them.

Get on your tail like they want to pass at a faster rate than you’re currently going, so you speed up to finish passing, and then they drop way behind you and never pass.

Have to fly by you to pass, and then pull RIGHT IN FRONT of you. (OR…see next item.)

Have to fly by you to pass, and then pull RIGHT IN FRONT of you…ONLY to slow down so you have to pass them 10 seconds later.

Pull out directly in front of you when you’re doing 70—causing you to practically slam on the brakes—only to turn off a half mile down the road. Generally these are old people.

Make like they’re going to turn into a drive, so you go to drive around them, and then they suddenly pull back into the stream of traffic and you have to slam your brakes to avoid hitting them.

People who cut in front of you to make it onto the exit at the last minute because they either weren’t paying attention or they have no idea where they’re going (on ramp or off ramp, it’s the same story).

Brake at every intersection (major or minor) because they apparently have no idea where they need/want to turn.

Drive down the middle of the highway for more than 50-75 yards or so. Are they drunk? Do they realize what they’re doing? Don’t they care? Do they think they own the road?

Are driving in the left lane (of a city thoroughfare) and are partially hanging over into the left turn lane—forever.

VISITOR SUBMISSIONS

Courtesy of Chuck Johnson, who had this to say:

“I just read your driver thing, and I done woke up my roommate laughing my bollocks off…I think I have experienced every one of those on my journey to California.”

  • How about the motorhome towing a Geo Tracker in the slow lane and then pulls in front of me when I’m doing Mach 5 to get around a semi who is going 3 miles an hour slower then he [the motorhome] is … So [the motorhome] goes back to [the slow lane in front of
    the semi] … and now that they are going the same speed, they both approach the small incline and the motorhome is now going slower and the semi is going a constant speed [so the semi passes] and now the motorhome is behind the semi again. The motorhome driver is
    usually this little Mr. Magoo type of person who is white-knuckled and confused.
  • Or the old Honda Civic Hitler Mobile that you get stuck behind at a stop light, just so it can just totally smoke you out during the whole process.
  • Or the people who are too scared to pass the cop car that is from a whole different county.
  • Commuting to college is one thing when you’re doing it during rush hour, but when you add stupid drivers you are essentially adding another half hour to the commute. I approached Hwy 18 off of I-5 which has a steep hill with a passing lane. I decided to just punch it in the “Hammer” lane and get ahead of the Semi. Well half way up was the guy who was at the end of a pack of cars and is now in the lead and doesn’t want to committ to the 15MPH+ over the speed limit rule and realizes that he doesn’t want any of that and tries to get over……when there’s a semi right next to him. So he just coasts with his signal now in the off position. Now I am getting passed by everyone changing lanes and the exit is coming up. So now I am signaling, trying to get over, and all I get is the finger. I just laugh and realize this is just another moment of a “Stupid Drivers” episode.

Courtesy of Jim, who had this to say:

“Great list! Had road rage till I started commuting 120 miles daily – now just watch and wonder.”

  • The person who pulls out of a side road onto a busy 2-lane in front of of a long string of traffic traveling at 50mph.. which is alright..(esp in Boston, where everyone expects it) EXCEPT, unlike in Boston, the idiot takes 1/2 mile to accelerate to speed “because it saves gas”!!! Never mind that everyone else had to slow down behind the moron and used up more gas total than if he’d floored it. AND (!!!) if he has a late model car with port EFI, he aint saving any gas anyway.. Saab proved it. (slow vs accelerating Briskly, not flooring it)
  • You leave your house and as you pull onto a street a block down from the stop sign at the intersection, you see someone facing you, waiting to turn left .. you stop at the sign – the traffic clears and HE NOW WAITS ON YOU TO CROSS!!!! Of course you hesitate to pull in front of him, because he MIGHT be dozing and realize he has the right-of-way and smack you on principle… and the BEST variant.. You wait for 2 minutes at a sign for the traffic to clear so you can turn left onto a thru street; Just as a small gap in the traffic appears—some yo-yo comes screaming up to the sign opposite yours and flips on his right turn signal.. Now do you go or not??? I GO and see the guy mouthing Expletives at me.. You know, you cant even get a cop to define the right-of-way in these situations!!! I think they really dont know… Keep it up but keep smiling—life’s too short.

PEEVES I SNAGGED

Todd is bellyaching about…WHAT is the deal with jackasses who INSIST on BACKING into parking spaces?!? There is NO reason for this AT ALL!!! I’m driving through a parking lot. There’s someone in front of me. I see them pass an empty spot. “Oh, boy,” I cheerfully think. “I’ll get to park there my very own self!” But, before I can even begin to turn my wheels in the direction of the spot, that car’s back-up lights spring to life, and the chowderhead is now BACKING INTO THE SPOT!!! And he can’t do it quickly, either. Or correctly. He’s got to shift into D again, so he can straighten out, then back into R so he can get in the space. HELLO?!? Does the entire world have to stop and wait for your precious vehicle to get itself situated? Why the he** can’t you just pull into the spot facing FRONT?!? Do you honestly think that you’re impressing anyone? Has it not occurred to you in that peabrain of yours that any time you think you’re saving by being able to pull out of the spot going forwards is taken away by your inablility to back into the space in the first place? You people make me SICK!!!

And Misty says…It’s not really a peeve just a comment on the guys with low rider cars. It’s funny how they will buy a $4,000 – $5,000 car and spend $2,000 having it lowered so it’s about one inch off the ground, another $1,500 on reverse wheels, and at least $1,000 on the stereo, and of course, the big tailpipe extension that looks like a chrome funnel. I know they must think they have the hottest babe magnet vehicles around, but what they really have is a funny looking car, that can’t go over a speed bump at more than 0.25 MPH, a stereo that does nothing but blare out “THUMPA THUMPA THUMPA” to be heard for miles around, forget trying to have a conversation while the stereo is playing, and a tailpipe that makes their car sound like its blowing farts as they drive. Get a clue guys, the ladies aren’t impressed.

And an AOLer says…We have a lot of construction on our highways and especially the Interstate. My peeve is when one of the lanes is closed ahead, people have plenty of time to merge but they continue to fly around me and then want to merge into traffic right when the closed lane ends. Someone will always let them in line but you can bet it won’t be me.

And Grandnet says…One of my peeves is parents who carelessly drive around with small children not in car seats. I’m always seeing people with their little ones standing on the seat next to them. Why do these people think that there is a law concerning small children and car seats? So the kid fusses, give him a sucker, but don’t put his life in danger. Accidents can happen in the blink of an eye and the kid can be airborne and through the windshield before you know what’s happened. Maybe these parents just don’t care.

Roommate Rules

Extenuating circumstances will, of course, be taken into consideration regarding all the following rules.

KITCHEN RULES

Preferably, dishes should be taken care of right after eating/cooking or within the same day. If someone else wants to use the pan you just used, they shouldn’t have to wash it OR wait for you to wash it. They should also not have to move your dishes to use the sink to wash their own dishes. If not at all possible, they should stay in ONE side of the sink only…no fair taking up BOTH sides of the sink (see next item).

NO STACKING DISHES TWO FEET HIGH ON ONE SIDE OF THE SINK.

No dirty dishes in the sink longer than two days if they’re just dishes. This means nothing that holds water and can start smelling.

No dirty dishes in the sink longer than one day if they’re icky, really-need-to-be-washed-and-you’re-just-feeling-lazy-I’ll-get-around-to-it-whenever dishes.

No dirty dishes/pots/pans left sitting on the stove or counter longer than a day.

If you drop or spill something, or something leaks a) on the floor, b) in the frig, c) anywhere, clean it up. This means wipe up your toast crumbs, flour dust, cooking spatters, etc.

Keep the microwave wiped out. If something explodes or spatters, it’s much easier to clean then instead of later when it’s hard and crusty and caked on.

If something boils over, wash the metal plate under the burner. Don’t keep cooking on it, letting it burn and stick more.

If something falls onto the burner, clean it off—don’t just let it sit there and burn and stick more.

When washing the pots/pans, wash the outside of it, too. And make sure it’s clean. Once it’s dry, if you notice it’s still dirty, DON’T PUT IT AWAY. Wash it again.

Don’t leave the dishes in the drainboard for more than a day or two. Put them away as soon as they’re dry, if possible, if you haven’t dried them individually.

Don’t leave food on the counter/take care of leftovers. (Sure, this may sound obvious, but I’ve seen cornbread in the pan on the counter for two weeks. This is just plain ridiculous.)

NO STACKING THE GARBAGE TWO FEET HIGH. Empty it when it needs to be emptied.

Clean out the frig on a regular basis. Meaning, go through your shit, and if you’re not going to eat something, toss it—and if it’s bad, toss it. Don’t let it sit there (in the way) until it starts smelling or your roommate takes it upon herself to throw it away because you won’t.

Don’t leave jars/containers/pitchers/etc. in the frig with only smidgeons of stuff or three sips of juice. Finish, empty, or toss it.

Become a Tupperware Mistress. Meaning, get used to putting stuff in Tupperware!! Don’t just cover a huge plate (or whatever) in tinfoil and leave it. Don’t leave something in the soup pot for a week after you’ve made it. When portions get smaller, transfer it to a smaller container. Yes, I realize this one is somewhat personal choice, but…if I want to use the soup pot, it better not be in the frig with 3-day-old soup. And I don’t want to have to worry about knocking your stupid corn-on-the-cob off the plate when I have to move it to get to something else you’ve conveniently blocked. (Yes, I’ve seen corn-on-the-cob on a dinner plate, barely/loosely covered in foil—FOR A WEEK AND A HALF!! Like the foil was helping anything. You might as well just throw the corn in there by itself.)

DISHWASHER RULES

Run it when it needs to be run (i.e. when we’ve run out of something). Don’t wait to fill it to the brim if we’re out of glasses or silverware.

If there’s room, ask your roommate if she has any dishes in her room she’d like to add.

When the dishes are clean, EMPTY THEM. Don’t stack dishes throughout the kitchen just to avoid emptying it and don’t use dishes out of the dishwasher in hopes that someone else will empty it. If you’re the first person there, empty it. Try to keep things equal.

Don’t put in big Tupperware—especially if it’s not that dirty (i.e. bread crumbs/chopped veggies, etc.). Take the 30 seconds and wash it by hand so we can fit REAL dishes in to be washed.

When loading the dishwasher, load all the dishes that are around in the kitchen, don’t just load your own.

Learn how to load it correctly. (There’s nothing more irritating than a bowl in the wrong place taking up the space of 4 dishes.)

MISCELLANEOUS RULES

No fair clogging up the kitchen table with stupid miscellaneous shit for more than the time you might be working on something (i.e. balancing a checkbook/working on a scrapbook/something similar where you need the use of the entire table). It doesn’t matter that no one immediately needs to use it—it looks tacky.

You can do whatever you want—create whatever mess you want—when the roommate is gone for the weekend, but everything better be somewhat picked up by the time the roommate gets back. This goes for the kitchen (dishes especially) and the living room/dining area. No one likes to come home to a disgusting house when they left it in a decent condition.

Try to pay bills ahead of when they’re due—and mail it in time. Whoever is responsible for the bill being late pays the late fee.

If the bill is in your name, you take the higher half and you mail it. (It sounds petty since “the higher half” is only a penny more, but it’s the principle of the thing and it’s only fair.)

If any form of a rebate is given to the apartment on a bill, it will be split 50/50, regardless of who spends more. (Yeah, I know it sounds logical, but one of my roommates split a long-distance phone rebate about 20/80 in her favor because, as she said, she spent more.)

“IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING” RULES

Long-distance calls take precedence unless it’s important or an emergency.

You must answer call-waiting beeps if at all possible, unless you’re in the middle of a crisis phone call.

Leave roommate’s messages on the machine. Meaning don’t just write it down for them, since we all know we can’t take as detailed a message as people usually leave.

If you need to use some food of your roommate’s, ask first if possible.

Always replace food items if you finish it or use a lot of it. Don’t use all but 1 teaspoon of the butter and then leave it just so you won’t have to replace it. (This was done to me a number of times.)

Roommates will agree (this might include compromising) on some sort of cleaning schedule for common areas, whether it be duties-per-person-per-week or duties split between who hates/likes doing something.

Roommates will inform, if/when possible, when guests will be arriving/around.

Be considerate—if your roommate is watching TV/listening to the radio, ask if it’s okay if you do the other—don’t just do it. If it’s okay, keep the volume down.

Roommates will agree on use of air conditioning. It should not be running when it’s cool outside and you just don’t feel like opening a window or turning on a fan.

Roommates will be considerate of the other’s schedule, re: “quiet hours.”

No having sex in your roommate’s bed. 🙂

SUGGESTIONS BY NELL

Don’t read your roommate’s diary. (I have had no less than three roomies read my diary. I should publish the thing!)

Don’t leave face mask remnants or removed fake nails lying on the end tables or TV stand.

Make sure your boyfriend doesn’t use my bath products or towels.

Compromise on TV viewing – especially if you’re not paying the bill. Don’t sigh when I watch an episode of “The Real World” or “The Daily Show” then grab the remote and force me to watch 3 hours of the French Open or a day of football.

If you say you’re going to do a chore—DO IT!!! Don’t wait for a week and then bitch about how much harder that chore has become. (ie – dishes, mowing the lawn, cleaning the bathroom.)

Don’t lend MY STUFF to YOUR friends without asking first.

Don’t slam doors when I’m in bed and expect me to be quiet as a mouse when you’re sleeping.

SUGGESTIONS BY D

When dirty dishes, including left-overs are left for more than 48 hrs, they are to be removed to the offending roommates room. If said dishes are returned to the kitchen without being washed, they may be returned to the offending roomates room, and turned upside down on the offending roommate’s bed! (We had to do the upside down thing with a roommate’s leftover french onion soup once. Gross!)

My roommate from hell.

READ ON ABOUT THE PSYCHOTIC, MENTALLY UNSTABLE, HORMONALLY IMBALANCED, DEMON BITCH FROM HELL!

WARNING: I am not exaggerating when it comes to the vulgar language.

FIGHTING OVER A FLOWERPOT? Only with Terrie. She hung this basket from the porch corner and I almost ran into it like three times so I asked if it could be moved to one of the other three hangers. She asks why and when I told her, she says “Well it was there last year and you didn’t have a problem with it then” and I said “Well, maybe not, but I do this year” and she asks what the problem is and I told her it hung too low and I kept almost hitting my head on it and she’s like “Well just move around it.” I tell her I shouldn’t have to when it could easily be moved. So then she says “Well—it doesn’t bother me” and I said “Well I’m taller and it bothers me.” She gives me this look like I’m asking for the world and then says “We’ll see” and I was like “What’s the big deal? Just move the damn plant.” Then she gave me some lame excuse about having it in that specific spot so when it rained it would get wet. I told her she could move the damn thing when it rained, I just didn’t want it there all the time. Well, about four days later she finally moved it.

FIGHTING OVER A BREADMAKER? Yep. This was a BIG one that happened when Wayne (her man) was there. We had previously talked about all the delicious breads we would like to make so I thought she’d be thrilled when I got a breadmaker for my birthday. Well, I figured the best place for it would be on this one shelf of hers— where there was plenty of room and it would be totally out of the way (because I knew she’d have a fit if it disrupted the look of the room). So I put it there and she had a total f***ing fit over it. So she starts yelling at me, and soon we’re screaming and swearing at one another. She basically told me if I wanted to put anything anywhere I’d have to f***ing buy it myself (i.e. shelves, cupboards) because she had to buy all her stuff herself. I said I hadn’t thought it would be a problem since there was plenty of room and it would be out of the way—which I knew she would like—and she went off on how it was HER space and she had no goddamn use for a bread machine anyway and what ever made me think she’d think that she’d want one at all? I told her how we had talked about it before and I thought she would be cool about it and she just rolls her eyes and was like “I never said any such thing.” Fine, so I said “Well where will you LET me put it? Let’s talk about it” and she says something like “If I had my choice it wouldn’t go anywhere—we don’t need it and there’s nowhere to put it.” I say “Well I want it and it’s going to go somewhere, so what about here?” and she rolls her eyes like How can you even suggest that? and says “Well, it doesn’t look very nice there.” I shrugged my shoulders and walked away. The next day she berated me for the whole scenario taking place in front of Wayne. I basically said Oh well, sorry, but I was pissed and I needed to talk about it right then. She didn’t care and she was pissed. Oh well.

ME BEING SARCASTIC. She basically told me that I couldn’t be sarcastic with her because she just didn’t like it and she thought I was being mean. I told her it wasn’t meant to be mean, and that I was sorry, but it was really too bad because it was part of me (my personality) and it was just a fact of life. She basically said tough shit, don’t do it around me, I don’t appreciate it.

FIGHTING OVER KLEENEX. Can I kill Terrie now?? Jesus, just when I think things are going okay with her, she does something f***ed up to piss me off. One night when I got home, I saw that she had written me a note saying it was my turn to get kleenex. Okay, fine. But there was already some in the bathroom so I didn’t think much abut it—I just knew that I had to get kleenex the next time I went to the store. I thought it was a little bizarre that the box of kleenex in the bathroom felt quite empty, but I didn’t think much about it—I thought maybe she was trying to get out of buying her box and just put the remainder of her own personal box in there. I wasn’t going to argue about it because I didn’t really care. So the next morning the note is on my trunk and I think she just wanted me to be sure to see it. Okay, fine. (Yes, I’m almost to the major point here. You just needed all the background info for the full effect of the story.) So the next day when I got home, I was looking for something else in my closet and I found two boxes of kleenex. Cool, I thought, now I don’t have to go out and buy any. Melissa (a neighbor kid who was basically my “little sis”) came over and she was doing that braided floss wrapping thing on a piece of my hair and, for whatever reason, I happened to look over on my bedside shelf—and guess what? MY F***ING KLEENEX BOX WAS GONE. Then it hit me like a brick—the tissues in the bathroom were mine—that’s why the box felt so empty. So, she obviously came into my room and took my own personal box of kleenex because, apparently, it was my turn NOW to get the kleenex and she felt she had the f***ing right to do it. Can you believe she took it upon herself to take my something out of my f***ing room? That would be like her owing me money and me seeing some on her dresser and just taking it! Well, since Melissa was there I didn’t want to confront her with it right away—besides, I was so pissed I wasn’t sure what would happen. Well, later she was watching a movie and I didn’t want to interrupt that (although, thinking back, I should have) and then I just didn’t want to deal with it the next morning. So tonight’s the night. I still can’t believe she had the f***ing nerve to do that. She slays me, she really does. And the thing that gets me is that I KNOW she THINKS she DOES have the right to do whatever the f*** she wants around there—even with my stuff! Why she has that belief is beyond me.

TERRIE AND I HAD IT OUT LAST NIGHT. And, of course, she totally turned the whole thing against me. I told her I appreciated her leaving me the note about the kleenex, but she really had no right to go into my room and take my box. To which she basically said “Well if you would remember that it’s your turn I wouldn’t have to” and then asked what the problem was. I told her the problem was that she just took it upon herself to go into my room and that was not suitable. She said she wouldn’t have had to do it had I had a box of kleenex there already. So we fought like cats and dogs for like 20 minutes. Of course she thought she was in the right to take them out of my room (since it was my turn) and maybe that would teach me a lesson. I told her it really wasn’t her place to teach me a lesson like that. She kept asking me what the big deal was (about her scamming my kleenexes) and I told her that it felt like an intrusion and she had no right to go into my space like that. I must have said something like that about six times and I still don’t think she got it. To her, she had the perfect reason to do what she did (as I told you she would). She always reverses it and blamed it all on me (as I told you she would). Then, of course, she gives me the lecture on responsibility and how I’m an adult and should be able to remember to get tissues. I told her what it really boiled down to was that I just don’t notice stuff like that. So, in the course of our argument, I told her that she was controlling and asked why she was always right and I was always wrong. She brushed that off, of course, and went right on ragging on me. I gave her this example: If you had money on your dresser and you owed me money and I just went in there and took it—you would have an absolute FIT over it. And, of course, she said she wouldn’t. (I know DAMN WELL she would.) Now I can’t wait to see what we argue about next…

I swear Terrie abuses state aid programs—and thinks she deserves it. Her attitude (which she stated to me once): F*** it, I’ve paid so many goddamn taxes I deserve to get some money back when I’m not working. But if she’s so goddamn worried about money—she could easily go out and find a job. But no, she won’t accept anything beneath her standards. State aid is a good thing for those people who really need it, but definitely NOT for someone like her—someone with a college degree who could easily work a number of jobs—but just refuses to—who seems to have enough money to buy sports equipment, whose brother was footing the rent bill because she couldn’t afford it, etc. But she thinks she’s entitled to absolutely everything. I might grant her something like the food stamps—but, you know, some things you just go without when you don’t have money—like a dermatologist’s appointment! She got a red blotch and it was like OH NO—rush to the dermatologist so my face clears up and my self-esteem doesn’t drop. Christ, get real. A dermatologist’s appointment when there are people who really need to see doctors for serious problems? I think that’s a bit self-indulgent.

She started an argument over whose bike was going to go where. She got her spot on the porch (protected from the elements under the roof and able to lock to the posts) because, in her words, that’s where she had it last year (before I moved in). We talked about different options FOR ME—but compromise on her part was NOT an option. She told me I could put my bike on the front porch, but gee, thanks, it’s in full view of a VERY busy main avenue, and with no good way to lock it, anyone happening by could steal it. So I decided to put it on the other porch (away from the street) and cover it with a tarp. (See next topic.)

Since she had 90% of the porch covered with flowers/flowerpots, they needed to be moved to put my bike there. I figured she would have an absolute FIT if I moved them (god forbid I do it wrong) so I left her a message about it. When I got home, nothing was moved and she had left me a note saying that 1) she NEVER said SHE would move the flowers, she said they COULD be moved, 2) What happened to putting my bike on the front porch? and 3) Here she said some stupid thing about if I put my bike against the house whoever said I was going to do that? I’d have to take my handlebars or pedals off because they’d be in the way of our neighbor’s flowers. Okay, like where the hell did THAT come from? It doesn’t even make any sense. But that was Terrie. So I moved the flowers and that was that.

After my boyfriend came up for the second weekend, Terrie says that if he’s going to be showering here frequently, I’m going to have to clean the shower more often because it’s getting dirtier quicker. Yeah, right—those extra two showers every other week are getting it THAT much dirtier. Give me a break. I ignored her and never did it.

She told me—in no uncertain terms and with no compromise in her voice—that my boyfriend would have to be out of the apartment before she got up in the morning (when he left Monday mornings) because she felt very uncomfortable not knowing when he might be coming downstairs and she liked to leave the door open after she showered. Fine, I could understand that, but it meant he would have to leave before 6am and I knew that would never happen, so I told her that I didn’t think that would work and how about if he wanted to come downstairs, I would come down first to make sure she was dressed (or whatever). She said we could TRY it once. (Like it’s only up to her and she’s LETTING me do this. It wasn’t at all like we were discussing it. It felt like I was a child asking to stay up late if I did the dishes.)

I knew she didn’t like the drainboard we had so I told her I would bring mine to use. She thought that was cool. Well, it turned out to be smaller than the one we had (but the pieces fit better) and WE said WE’D think about it. So two days later she tells me “I don’t think I’M going to use it—you can take it home.” Excuse me? I was just flabbergasted at how she said it: I don’t think I’m going to use it. Sorry, but last I checked there were two of us living here to make decisions. It wasn’t like she said “I don’t think we should use it because of XYZ,” but it was like she made the decision and that was that.

FIGHTING OVER CLEANING—AGAIN. About 10pm, she came up and asked when I was going to vacuum and I told her I already did. Well, she tells me, it certainly doesn’t look like it. I shrug my shoulders and tell her I did it this morning. Then she asks if I shook the rugs—and I was like HELLO? I just told you I did the floors—but she keeps on me. Then she asked if I did the stairs and I said no, and that I really didn’t think they needed to be done four times a month anyway—every other week was enough. So, she bitched about it and then said Fine, you do it now and I’ll skip my turn. I wanted to smack her. Then I asked why everything, it seemed, had to be done her way and she tells me in this annoying tone WE AGREED ON EVERYTHING AT THE BEGINNING. (I should have responded—No, you stated what was to be done and I had no choice but to agree. But of course, it didn’t come out that way.) I said something more like I agreed to your standards and she says “Yeah, we agreed.” It was a no-win situation. (She always thinks she’s right and no one is going to change her mind, regardless of the facts.) So we went around and around on other issues (one being that damn hanging flower pot again) and it just got ridiculous. So the next morning I thought, well, we’ve had a night to sleep on it and get over any harsh feelings so I’ll be nice and say good morning (which I never do anyway, except when she says it first). And I totally got the cold shoulder. The microwave door slamming shut was basically her response. Fine, I thought. F*** her, I don’t need that shit in the morning.

I “finished” cleaning (everything but the stairs) and I was going to apologize for the debacle the night before, and then I was going to get into how I still thought everything was done “her way or no way” and I was going to tell her the examples of (1) her mom always giving her more cups/mugs and they always end up hanging in the kitchen (where there isn’t a lot of room), but when I want to bring one damn appliance—my electric can opener—I get hassled about it and (2) she told me I could put some of my stuff in her cupboard and when I did, she moved it and told me there was no room (there was). So, then I fell asleep and heard her come home but I just didn’t feel like getting up quite yet. Then she was on the phone—forever. By that time I had decided f*** it, I don’t feel like I should have to be the one to apologize—so I didn’t. I went to talk to Michelle (next “apartment” neighbor), who was out planting flowers, and Terrie walks out and says a few words to Michelle, looks right by me, and leaves. Michelle asked about it, so I proceeded to tell her. She told me the Nixon’s (the landlords) don’t like her or the dog and that she doesn’t either (good—it’s not just me). Michelle told me she’s been worried about me ever since I moved in because she knows what Terrie’s like. She told me this (which sounds like everything I’ve been dealing with): Last year Terrie planted flowers in Michelle’s “area” (the flowerbeds along her part of the house)—without asking. Michelle had been planning on putting stuff there, but she figured it was nice of Terrie to do it, but as long as they were in her area, she was going to put them where she wanted—so she moved them. And guess what Terrie did? MOVED THEM BACK! So Michelle called her and said the flowers were beautiful and thanks for planting them, but as long as they were by her place, she was going to have them where she wanted them—and Terrie had a fit about it.

TAKING OUT THE GARBAGE? She was always bitching at me about the garbage—telling me it was my turn—even though she was the one who just crammed it totally full and I had just taken it out the day before. It wasn’t a big deal overall, but it’s like she was just trying to find something—anything—to bitch about.

NOVEMBER 15, 1996

AND THEN THE 3 MAJOR FIGHTS OVER 3 DAYS THAT FINALLY CAUSED ME TO MOVE OUT… (Yes, these deserve their own paragraphs.)

FIGHT #1
Terrie went total-ballistic-ape shit on me. I had been talking to Michelle (our donwstairs neighbor) on the phone and broke off with her to talk to my cousin who beeped in long-distance. Terrie came home and I told her Wayne had called and I would be another 10 minutes or so. Fine, no problem she says. She also told me her disk had a virus blah blah blah so she needed my help on her resume/cover letter. Fine, no problem. So after I finished talking to my cousin, I quick called my friend back just to touch base and finish our conversation (no longer than two minutes). So I go downstairs and ask Terrie if she wants to do her resume thing now and she says sure so I sit down and work on it—for like 10-15 minutes. Fine, no problem (although I could have cared less about helping her, since we had been getting along lately, I figured why not?). So as we’re both sitting there, we hear this weird noise, and as we come to realize it’s Michelle singing to her music, we both look up at each other, smile, and laugh. She’s reading over her resume still, so I reach over and call the neighbor (to tease her about her singing). I’m not on for more than 20 seconds when Terrie is suddenly hovering over me telling me she needs to use the phone. Over and over. Well, fine, but give me a damn minute to finish my call. So I tell Michelle I have to go, but she has to tell me this one last thing that will take a minute. No problem, right? Wrong. In the meantime, Terrie has gotten verbally abusive and is practically screaming at me: “Get off the phone. I told you to get off the phone. I told you I needed to use the phone so get off the phone. F***ing go downstairs and talk to her.” Etc. I tell her to chill a minute because I’m almost done. She continues to bitch. So I take the phone away from my ear and say “Terrie, if you’d quit bitching at me, I would have been finished with this conversation two minutes ago and this wouldn’t be a problem.”

Well, of course that means nothing to her and she continues to bitch at me, now escalating her banalities into “I can’t believe you’re so f***ing rude, I told you I needed to use the phone before and you told me you would be off in 10 minutes and then I HEARD YOU CALL MICHELLE AGAIN” and I was just staring at her in disbelief—since I had been off the phone for a few minutes because that’s when I asked if she wanted my help with her resume!! Apparently her call was THAT important, right, that she had to wait until I was on the phone to make her call?? So I finished my call and she picked it up to call Wayne and I was not about to go down without a fight. So I started in on her, saying how immature she is and it was just a damn two-minute phone call and where does she get off getting ballistic on me and she’s like “I can’t believe you just f***ing picked it up and made another call.” I tell her because it was funny—we both laughed at Michelle’s singing so I thought I would just call her to be funny and she’s like “I didn’t think it was so funny.” (Okay, so she apparently smiles and laughs when she’s pissed?) So I tell her that if HER call was so damn important she should’ve called BEFORE we sat down to do her resume thing. So then she makes it sound like it’s my fault—she says “Well you were on with your cousin and then you called Michelle back and then you came down here”—and I told her her resume could have certainly waited and she said well that was important, too. (And obviously more important than this supposed all-important phone call to Wayne that she was ripping me a new one over.) I mean, she could have even called him while I was reading over her shit—she wasn’t sitting there the whole time—only about the last five minutes. So we’re going around and around and we’re swearing at each other like you wouldn’t believe and she’s telling me how f***ing rude and inconsiderate I am. So I tell her I can’t believe her attitude—here I am helping her with her damn resume that I could care less about but that she asked for help with—and she’s ripping on me for making a two-minute phone call when she wanted to use the phone? That’s immature. So she tells me “If you don’t f***ng like it you can move the f*** out.” I kept telling her I couldn’t believe she was getting this upset over such a little thing—and she kept telling me how f***ing rude and inconsiderate I was for just blowing her off.

So I told her how rude and inconsiderate I thought SHE was—the night before when I was having a major crisis (when my boyfriend broke up with me), I told her my friend would be calling and I really really needed to talk to her. Well, her mom called (at 11:10, and my friend was calling at 11:15) and I reminded her that my friend would be calling and that it was extremely important I talk to her. She said fine. (And do I need to mention that 10 minutes earlier she was being the extremely caring roommate [about the breakup thing] and giving me a hug and talking to me about it?) So I’m sitting up in my room, a total basket-case, waiting for my friend to beep in. And when she did, what did I hear? “Angi, I’m talking to my mom, can you call back in about 10 minutes?” EXCUSE ME? So I brought that up in our fight over the phone—that that was rude and inconsiderate of her and—get this—she tells me I’m lucky she LET me talk to my friend—she didn’t HAVE to. (Isn’t that a nice roommate to have? She didn’t “have to” let me talk on our phone.) I said she wasn’t even talking about anything important and here I was devastated about my boyfriend breaking up with me—and she tells me not to change the f***ing subject, that has nothing to do with [the current fight] and I said something like “It sure as hell does—I’m supposed to bend to your every whim and demand about the phone, but when I really need to use it and call you on something rude YOU did, you pitch a fit?” Well, of course she didn’t want to hear that, so she bitches again that it has nothing to do with anything. Right, whatever. So this went on for like a good 15 minutes—totally screaming and bitching at each other. Towards the end, she tells me that she “can’t wait until I need to use the phone and she gets to repay me for this bullshit because what goes around comes around” blah blah blah. So I go upstairs and I hear her call Wayne and tell him all about our fight—all calm like it’s really no big deal and it’s all my fault, of course.

FIGHT #2
It was my weekend to clean. I took out the garbage/recyclables, shook the rugs, vacuumed, swept the floor, and cleaned the bathroom (tub, toilet, sink, and mirror)—like always. When I got home around 10 there’s a NOTE for me saying the tub is still dirty, the mirror hasn’t been cleaned, the floors haven’t been swept, and the toilet is still gross. I marched right upstairs and told her I did everything and she proceeds to tell me “No, you didn’t—and everything is still filthy.” Well, this starts another fight. She bitches that I shouldn’t try to “buffalo her” and I should just be mature about it—and I’m going to have to reclean everything. I tell her I am NOT doing that and she tells me I am. I tell her again that I’m not and that’s the end of it. She tells me if I can’t clean it right, I can’t use it (pretty logical for a bathroom, eh?). She tells me that when I moved in I agreed to clean and I said “Yes, I agreed to clean, but not to your standards.” She says “No, you agreed to clean every other week” and I told her yes I did, although I didn’t have much of a choice and she tells me I didn’t have to move in. So then she’s telling me that I have to clean the bathroom her way and if I don’t, I have to move out. Please. She threatened that she was going to raise my rent (something she obviously can’t do), kick me out (another thing she obviously can’t do), or make my life a living hell. I said “Why should you stop now, you’ve only been doing it for the last year” and she says “Oh, and I suppose you’ve made my life a joy?” and I said no, not at all. She kept referring to it as HER place because she moved in first—so I’d have to move out. (She’s so delusional it’s not funny.)

THEN she brings up the (friend/her mom) phone call again—saying again how she didn’t have to let me talk (and she almost didn’t) because she was talking first and I said “Even though I had an urgent/important call?” and she basically told me she didn’t care what she was talking about with her mother and that she didn’t care about my problems and I was just damn lucky I got to talk to my friend at all.

FIGHT #3
I moved some things around on my shelf (the one thing she LET me have in the kitchen) and when I got back Sunday, I see she has moved the stuff! Well, the one thing I didn’t care about, but the others I did, so I moved it back (some Tupperware containers). So I get home from work Monday and they’re moved again!!—so I move them back. I get home from my parents’ Monday night and she’s moved them again!!—so I move them back. I got up the following morning and SHE HAD MOVED THEM AGAIN! And this time, they’re nowhere to be found. Of course, she’s been staying in the bathroom in the morning past her allotted time, trying, I assume, to piss me off (considering the whole cleaning fight the night before), so when she gets out, I ask where she put my Tupperware because I wanted it out because I was going to try to find the missing tops and organize it and find a good place to put the set (which I had been wanting to do, that’s why it was setting out to remind me!). She tells me she put it away. I tell her it’s MY stuff and I had it on MY shelf (“that you ALLOWED me to have”)—she didn’t get the sarcasm of that statement—and that’s where it should stay and she should keep her hands off it. She tells me it looks like total crap there and she’s not about to let the rest of the house look like my room. CAN YOU BELIEVE HER? Like my room has anything to do with anything?? Besides that it’s my damn room and I should be able to keep it however I want it. So, I didn’t even have a response for her pointless and irritating comment so I just told her I wanted the Tupperware back, which it was when I got out of the shower. I believe I gave notice to my landlords that day.

AND THE ARGUING AFTER I MOVED OUT!!
The landlord and I arranged to meet Monday morning to go through the place—just so she could “make sure” everything of mine was taken care of and so Terrie couldn’t hold anything over my head, you know. So I called Terrie about 10 minutes before I was coming over—just to make sure the chain wasn’t latched. I waited for the landlord in the parking lot so we could walk in together. So I let us in and was talking to the landlord at the same time and Terrie got all defensive right away: “IS SOMEONE WITH YOU? WHO’S WITH YOU?” So I told her the landlord was here to “check me out of the apartment” and make sure everything I needed to have done was done. Fine. So right away Terrie starts bitching and “tattles” that I didn’t clean the carpet in my room and the landlord says “Terrie, we’ve already worked that out with the security deposit and you know about it.” Terrie claimed ignorance and asks how much and the landlord says “IT’S BEEN TAKEN CARE OF, Terrie.” Then Terrie turns all sweet for a moment like “Oh, okay, I was just making sure.”

So then I ask Terrie for my Tupperware and—JUST GET THIS—she says I can’t have it because I haven’t done what I was supposed to—I didn’t clean [this, that, and whatever]. “EXCUSE ME?” I say, “But what the hell does that have to do with you keeping my Tupperware? And besides that, I most certainly DID clean [this, that, and whatever].” So then she totally goes off on me about how I’m so lazy and I didn’t clean anything I agreed to clean and I’m so irresponsible and the refrigerator is still a mess and there’s no way in hell she’s going to be charged to clean it because I didn’t do my part blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. As she said to the landlord about me, “She hasn’t done anything the entire year she’s been here. I’ve cleaned the oven and she agreed to do the frig…” I said I never agreed to do any such thing upon moving out and Terrie just rolls her eyes at me and says “Oh Jennifer, you know you’re lying” or some such idiocy.

The landlord and I were just looking at her like she’s psycho so the landlord opens the frig and says “This is fine, the $15 cleaning fee in the lease is like if there’s dried syrup or crusty eggs or something major we have to clean out” so then Terrie calmed down a bit but you could tell she was still pissed because the landlord took my side (who WOULDN’T take my side?). Then the landlord noticed that part of the frig was broken (that they had tried to fix once already) and she asked Terrie about it and Terrie gets all snotty and says “ASK JENNIFER ABOUT IT—IT’S HER FAULT” and then stands there like TAKE THAT and I said “Yes, Claire, nothing is EVER Terrie’s fault—of course it’s my fault because it happened to break when the heavy stuff was on my side and not hers.” The landlord said it wasn’t a problem.

So then I tell Terrie I want my Tupperware and she says “We’ll wait to see what the landlord says” meaning if my room is “acceptable” to move out. Give me a break—she was holding my Tupperware RANSOM! Is that not one of the most childish things you’ve heard? Fine, I say, knowing full well there won’t be any problems. So I go upstairs with the landlord and by this time, Terrie had moved/condensed most of her boxes and they aren’t covering up NEARLY as much space so I show the landlord where the boxes were beforehand and tell her that’s why I didn’t vacuum the whole thing. (Bit of background: I went over the night before to clean my area and vacuum my room. But when I got to my bedroom, the ENTIRE floor was covered in HER boxes. There was about a one-foot space around the edge of the room where I could actually vacuum. So I did and that was that.) She deemed everything okay so back downstairs we go. The landlord said my room is fine, so I tell Terrie to go get my Tupperware, and off she goes in a huff. So she comes back and practically throws it at me, I give my keys to the landlord, I tell Terrie I hadn’t vacuumed the whole room because her stuff was in my way and she bitches again how god**** lazy I am and tells me I should have moved it—“it’s just empty boxes”—and I tell her I was not about to move HER god**** stuff out of my way to clean—especially when she knew I was going to be there to clean—and that she shouldn’t have had anything in there anyway since I was still paying rent and it was still my room. She says “You move, you lose” and I said, “Well, you have your stuff in there, it doesn’t get cleaned.” (The landlord is witnessing all this, mind you.) Then I told Terrie I didn’t wipe out certain cupboards, either, because her crap was now in there and she just keeps giving me the OH PLEASE, GIVE ME A BREAK look. So we are screaming and swearing at one another and I finally said “You know what Terrie? I don’t need your shit anymore. Goodbye.” And I just walked right out the door. She didn’t like that at all.

So I waited for the landlord to come out and we talked for another half hour, bitching about Terrie. Apparently the landlord had asked her about the missing rent again and all of a sudden Terrie “doesn’t have time to deal with this”—claiming she had to shower and get ready for an appointment at 11. Yeah, right, she’s wrapping Christmas presents in her robe and PJs at 10:45 but she still has to shower and get to this appointment in 15 minutes? Right. So that was the end of Terrie—THANK GOD.

COMMENTS FROM 2 COOL READERS

Jane says: I was waiting and hoping for the part where you “kicked butt.” What about the Jerry Springer show? (Subject: Roommates from Hell.) You could invite her then stuff the Tupperware up her jumper??

Terry says: OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why aren’t you in jail? I sure as heck would have been, they would have found her hanging in that dirty shower with tupperware crammed in her nose if she were my roommate!! I can’t believe you took that for a whole year (or more). You must be easy going or something…Anyway, that was a hell of a story. I haven’t been glued to a web page like that in I dont know how long. You need to write a book on roommate etiquette or something. Jolly good story!!!!