JTOK Chatter > Page 402

Everything happens for a reason, right?

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Well, I just got the results back from the clinic: negative. I said “So what do we do now [since I had a postive test three weeks ago]?” They said they had to call me back. After the longest half hour of my life, they called me back and said to come in for bloodwork. So…I just got back from getting blood drawn—and unfortunately, I won’t know anything until next week after the second draw so they can compare the two results to see if the pregnancy hormone is increasing or decreasing.

God, this just sucks.

I know whatever is meant to be will be and everything happens for a reason, but I have to say I’m more than a little depressed at the moment. On one hand, it’s a HUGE relief, as I did not want to do this alone. But on the other hand, we were getting really excited about it…as were our parents, of course. (I knew there was a reason we didn’t tell everyone—but at this point, I feel bad having told our parents for no reason.)

Of course, it’s not 100% definitive yet, but I’m going with women’s intuition on this one. That said, if it is truly negative, everything will be put on hold until he returns in January 2008…and this blog wlil cease to exist until then.

This is going to be a loooong week.

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Well, I just got back from the clinic and I have to say that it didn’t quite go like I wanted it to. How hard can it be to get a blood test??? GRRR. >:(

They said in order to do any bloodwork, I had to have an appointment, and the earliest they could get me in was October 10—which is pointless, since my OB appointment is October 15. They did say, however, I could do another urine test, so to come back later in the week. If it tests negative at that point, they will do bloodwork. She said even if I did miscarry, there should still be enough hormones in my system to give a positive test result…so the likelihood is that it was a bad test.

So I might just run and get some cheap tests today, just because it’s going to be a loooooong week since I have to wait until Friday (their recommendation) for another urine test.

Overactive brain?

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So I was doing a load of laundry today and I was getting ready to transfer the items from the washer to the dryer—when something brown fell out towards me! 88| I instantly thought OH MY GOD BOOTS IS IN THE WASHER! Of course, that obviously wasn’t the case (it was a brown towel) but still, it’s amazing what your brain thinks in the split second when something unexpected happens! It actually freaked me out badly enough so that my heart was racing!

Am I still pregnant?

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Well, this is interesting…and possibly depressing. 🙁

So Tom and I were talking last night about how I haven’t been sick at all—and while that’s great for me (and while rare, it does happen), it sort of sucks because that would be one way to really know I was pregnant.

Wait, you say, but you got a positive test result at home AND at the doctor’s office. Well, yes, that’s true…but I just can’t shake the feeling that something isn’t quite right. I know, the spotting could all be normal, but it really did freak me out. So we decided just for the hell of it that I would take another pregnancy test. After all, I had one left that was just sitting there.

So I just took it and…not pregnant. Wait, what? Yep, NOT PREGNANT.

On one hand, it confirms my/our suspicions and would actually be for the better (due to our all-around situation right now)…but of course it is also somewhat disappointing, just because we’ve been waiting so long and, of course, have gotten excited (even though our situation isn’t perfect).

I did some quick research and it appears that it could be/have been a chemical pregnancy:

Unless you are testing early, most women may not even be aware that they were pregnant as a chemical pregnancy will often end before any physical pregnancy symptoms manifest (including a missed period). With a very sensitive pregnancy test, it is possible to receive a positive result—and then later test negative if the woman experiences a miscarriage (chemical pregnancy).

Chemical pregnancies are unfortunately very common. 50 to 60% of first pregnancies end in miscarriage very early in pregnancy. Most occur without the woman even knowing that she was pregnant.

A chemical pregnancy means implantation takes place (hCG is produced for a short time) followed by a miscarriage (generally, before any other pregnancy symptoms or signs are noticeable). Chemical pregnancies are quite common and typically only detected by couples who are actively trying to conceive and test for pregnancy on a regular basis. They occur very early—and the pregnancy ends very soon after impantation.

So the more I read about it, the more I’m thinking that’s what has happened.

Final answer? Although I will go back to the doctor’s office next week for a blood test, I’m going with women’s intuition and google research and saying I’m really not pregnant anymore.

Tom has an official deployment date!

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Tom just emailed me to tell me that he just got the word that he will leave Friday, January 5, 2007. :'(

Due to this being a bit earlier than we had originally anticipated (which was mid-January), we will probably come home to Michigan just a smidge earlier so we can be home for a few days before he has to leave (we’d also like to be here for New Year’s Eve).

Stay tuned for further date information.

Things I knew and things I never thought of…

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Things I Knew:

  • No alcohol.
  • No hot tubs. (It raises your body temperature.)

Things I Never Thought Of But Am Learning:

  • No electric blankets/heated mattress pads. (It raises your body temperature.)
  • No soft cheese like feta or fresh mozzarella.

This is definitely a learning experience! There are a lot more things that I’ve been learning, but those are the ones that remain on the tip of my tongue.

Calculated Due Date

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Of course I don’t want to wait for the offical calculation at the first doctor’s visit, so I calculated it myself (there are online calculators for EVERYTHING!)…and it appears to be May 12-15 with emphasis on the 15th.

It still just seems SO surreal.

Tom’s horrible new work schedule!

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Tom’s work schedule has been horrible! This past week was the beginning of his 7-day work weeks—12 hours a day during the week and six hours on Saturday and Sunday. And what makes it worse? He has to be in by 5am! Which means he gets up around 3:30—3:45am. Which means he either takes a two-hour nap when he gets home OR he stays up and goes to bed around 8:30! On the weekends it means a 3-4 hour nap once he gets home—and then the day is practically gone. It really sucks. REALLY.

Hopefully he only has to do it for a month. I say hopefully because that’s the current schedule—but you all know how the USMC likes to change plans midstream (or just plain change their minds).

One good thing is that I think Tom told me a new guy is starting so that means everyone will get one day off a week…or maybe that’s my wishful spin on things and it’s really everyone will get one day off between now and the end of the time frame (mid-October). Yeah, that’s probably it. One day off between now and then. :'(

The Sarcastic Journalist

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One of the pregnancy sites I’ve been visiting is hilarious—in fact, they’re the site where I picked up the pregnancy ticker/timeline at the top of the blog. Anyway, there’s a column (entry) written for every week of pregnancy, and this one in particular struck a chord—it’s from Week 5, the first week I started reading (before backtracking):

After getting over the initial “I’m having a baby!” shock, we began to spread the news. Of course, people asked how I was feeling.“Nervous,” I’d tell them. “Freaked.”

“If you are freaked then why are you having another baby? Why try if you’re going to be scared by the results?”

Might I add, at this point, that everyone who said that to me didn’t have kids.

The decision to have a baby is a lot like the decision to move to France. France sounds cool, other people like France. It would be fun to move to France!

Then you buy the plane ticket and France starts to seem a little scary.

You’ll have to learn a new language! They eat snails! Didn’t someone once tell you that people in France don’t shower that often?

Come to think of it, moving to France and having a baby have a lot in common.

I laughed out loud when I read this. I especially liked “France sounds cool, other people like France. It would be fun to move to France! Then you buy the plane ticket and France starts to seem a little scary.” That is SO how I’m feeling right now. It’s cool and fun to be pregnant and think about having a child…but it’s also scary as hell.

Cell phone gripe of the day

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Why is the voicemail beep louder than the actual phone when it rings?

I totally didn’t hear the phone ring, but damn if I didn’t hear the beep a few minutes later. I just don’t get it. The volume is turned all the way up for both, and I haven’t moved locations, so there’s no good reason for me to have missed the call.

So, if you call and I don’t answer, chances are the phone was not by my side and the ring wasn’t loud enough for me to hear from the other room!

First Official Appointments

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I called today to make my first OB appointments. Unfortunately, I have to go to the base hospital (which means an hour just in drive time)…so am not looking forward to that part of it.

The appointments are Monday, October 16 for the orientation (not quite sure what all that entails) which includes an ultrasound, and Tuesday, October 17, which I guess is the first official exam. Unfortunately, they said that exam can take the place of my annual exam (already scheduled for October 5) because they do all the same tests. I say unfortunately because that means I had to cancel my appointment with my favorite doctor in the world (had the best annual exam of my life with her last year). 🙁

But, on a positive note, I can’t wait to see the ultrasound! At only two months, there won’t be much to see…but there should be something!

First Actual Baby Purchases

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We bought our first baby items today. A girlfriend told me that when she found out she was pregnant, she bought a package of diapers every payday. You don’t really notice the money gone so much, and it’s nice to have a closet full when the time comes. So…we bought our first package of diapers.

I know there’s some debate about which kind to buy (Pampers vs. Huggies vs. store brand) because not all diapers work the same on every baby, so I bought the ones she recommended. It has since been suggested that maybe the better thing to do would be to buy a gift certificate each week so that there is no expenditure when the time actually comes. However, that doesn’t give me a closetful of diapers within easy reach when the time comes and I’m on my own for shopping! 😉

We also had two coupons for $11 off formula, so we bought two cans. Of course, I was clueless about all the types (soy vs. with iron vs. easy-to-digest :)) ) so we just got two different types.

For those of you wondering why we’re buying formula so early…well…

  1. The coupons expired in November so it was use them or lose them. (I signed up a loooong time ago for a baby magazine, and they started sending coupons and samples as if I was pregnant—hence me getting formula coupons that expire so soon).
  2. We checked the expiration and it was 2009, so we’re good on that. (I know we’ll get samples, so I figure we’ll hopefully be able to try those first and then return the full size ones if necessity dictates it.)
  3. After the coupon, we only paid like 50¢ and $1.00 for the different varieties of forumula, as we had to get the small cans. So, even if we can’t return it, I could donate it and I’m only out $1.50.

Of course, I sorta think I’m tempting fate by buying things this early, but worst case scenario, everything can be returned OR donated.

It’s just bizarre. We’re buying baby stuff. 88|

Snoring Maggie

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Maggie is so damn cute. She loves to hop up and sit in the window (in her bed) when I’m on the computer. (Of course, sometimes it gets tiring, as she wants up, then down, then up, then down, ad infinitum.) But this morning she hopped up, curled up in her bed, and is SNORING to beat the band. If only you could hear her!

Too bad I have to get up and finish getting ready for work—as soon as she hears me, she will get up as well. But then it’s one more potty break and then she gets crated!

My poor toes!

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I don’t think my toes are ever going to fully recover.

Just now, this very minute, I was walking into the office like I do every morning and evening (multiple times) but this time, I managed to stub my already-damaged toes on Tom’s chair (which is usually never pushed in all the way, so it’s not like it was a surprise).

OWWWWW!

This is just crazy. I hit them on something probably twice a week—not badly enough to injure them like the first time, but just enough to bring back the throbbing and cause them to hurt for another few days.

Tom always tells me to “be more careful!” but really, I’m just doing things as I would normally do them. I guess I’m probably running into things as much as ususal, it’s just more memorable since my toes are already hurting and the pain doesn’t disappear as quickly.

It’s Official!

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Well, according to the doctor’s office, I’m officially pregnant! Of course, I was 99.999999999999% sure before that, due to two (okay, three!) positive pregnancy tests. (I’m not that anal—I just still say the first one was inconclusive!) Tom knew I would be calling at 2pm to get the results, so he was calling at 2:15 to talk to me!

I was going to wait to tell my mom and David and dad and Linda when I got home, but I just couldn’t wait. I did have to wait until certain coworkers left the office, however, since I do not want this to be public knowledge yet…

I called mom and David first and they both picked up, as she was upstairs and he was downstairs—so I got to tell them both at the same time that I was pregnant. Mom didn’t believe me—she thought I was joking! I said “Why on earth would I joke about something like this?” I think she was just in shock!! Of course, she was very excited as well, as this will be her first “real” grandchild (the other four are technically David’s). The comment that sticks with me is mom telling me that “our visit worked” — meaning our visit to Grandma Len’s gravesite in July…

WARNING: 😥 ALERT!

My grandmother (mom’s mother) died probably 25 years ago. When my cousin’s wife was having trouble conceiving, her father-in-law went to his mother-in-law’s grave (our grandma, above) and said a prayer and asked for some divine intervention in making his wife (grandma’s daughter) a grandma as well. Within a few months, my cousin was pregnant. That was about eight years ago, and I didn’t hear one word about this story until a few months ago when we were about to go home for my other grandmother’s funeral. My mom told me the story and then told me we would have to “go visit grandma, like [my uncle] did” (since all my grandparents are at the same cemetary, actually buried within 40 yards of one another). And we did. So, after three emotional days of my grandmother’s viewing/funeral/burial, we walked across the road and went to see my grandma and my mom said a little prayer and asked HER mom for help, saying she did such a great job with [my cousin and his wife]. That was in July. At that point, we had been trying for ten months. In August, I was pregnant.

Then I called dad and first wished him a Happy Birthday…then said I had a surprise for him. He was scared. I then told him he was going to be a grandpa and amazingly, he was at a loss for words (for just a few seconds, but still). Of course, he was very happy!

When I got home, Tom had gotten me the cutest card…saying he can’t wait to start this new experience with me!! Awwwww, I know! Then he called his mom to tell her that it was official (she was the only one who knew beforehand) and of course, she was thrilled as well!

We decided to wait a bit on telling everyone else, just in case anything bad should happen. It’s customary to wait until the end of the first trimester, so we’ll see if we can actually wait that long. I am pretty sure our close friends/neighbors will know before that, because there are always get-gethers and drinking…and if I am not drinking, they will surely suspect something!

Amazingly Fantabulous Weather

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I’m not sure whether the almost-hurricane blew nice, cool air into town or whether we were just due for a cold front (per se) but man, is it ever nice. It’s in the 70s and we have all the windows open—I can’t wait to sleep all night with the cool air blowing in! I have to say (as I say every time we have this freak weather) that if the weather was like this all the time down here, we would NEVER leave.

%$@#*

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So, my toes still hurt. They’re better when I’m bare foot, so at work I wear really loose slippers (it’s chilly to keep my feet on tile all day) and at home I wear nothing.

And sometimes it bites me in the ass.

I was closing the closet door last night and…I happened to be moving at the same time….and of course I smacked my toes with the door.

ARGH!!!!!

So I was hobbling around almost as bad as when I first injured myself.

And then this morning, I was cleaning and organizing and minding my own business…when Maggie decided to chase Charlie down the hall, and they rounded the corner IN BETWEEN MY FEET and managed to injure my toes again (it all happened so fast, I’m still not exactly sure what happened—whether Maggie stepped on my toes or whether she just threw me off balance and I half stumbled onto the bad toes). Regardless, my toes hurt again.

My toes are not having a good week.

At a baby shower…

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So today I went to a baby shower for a neighbor’s child (long story, LOL, but I say child because she is 18 or 19). What was funny is that the neighbors that were there were teasing me about getting pregnant (they know we are trying). That said, the single hardest thing for me during the entire event was not telling them I was pregnant, as they kept making comments like “We need to have another baby shower….” and “Gee, when can we have another shower….?” and “I wonder when we can have another shower…” I even joked that maybe we could have a Margarita Pre-Shower because I wanted to DRINK at this get-together (and we all like margaritas)! I can’t wait to tell them that I was pregnant at the time we were talking about it!

I jinxed myself.

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awesome egg slicerThe other day I was looking at my egg slicer and thought…

Wow, this is getting old. It was a hand-me-down from mom back when I had my first apartment in college…and I know she had it quite some time before that. I wonder if I shouldn’t get a fancy new one?

Then I saw one at Bed Bath & Beyond for $8 (!!!) and decided I could stick with my old-fashioned one (plastic, not stainless or aluminum).

So guess what happened a day or so later? Yep. I was slicing an egg and…a piece broke off! So, I can still use it, I will just have one double-width piece. But, I am going to look elsewhere for a new, cheaper model than the pretty one at BB&B. It just needs to slice eggs, it doesn’t need to be aesthetically pleasing.

EDITED TO ADD: Crap, I just found the one I really want—it’s $16, but it’s a 3-in-1 that slices, cuts wedges, OR uses both screens to cut teeny pieces for salads! I must have this egg slicer!

“Pregnant”

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Holy shit.

Proof!

Well, Clearblue Easy says I’m pregnant. I don’t think I’ve stopped shaking quite yet. (And yes, I told hubby first!)

Well, what I’ve been saying for the past two years is true (as soon as we find out for sure that he’s deploying will be the time I find out I’m pregnant) and what others have been telling me is true (as soon as one of you gets tested, you will get pregnant – Tom was tested about a month ago and had no problems).

My first pregnancy test ever!

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My cycle has never really been normal, but even so, I was still a few days later than normal. (My overall average is like 25 days, but it’s been as early as 21 or as late as 30.) So, I thought “What the hell!?” and decided to take a pregnancy test. I mean, I bought a two-pack 11 months ago in preparation…I might as well get some use out of them! So I peed on the stick and….???

Let’s just say this particular brand has some markings that are considered “inconclusive” — if one of the boxes doesn’t have any marks, if the marks are going the wrong way, etc. So, where I was supposed to have a plus, the vertical line was definite, but the horizonal line was SOOOOO faint as to almost be invisible. The directions said if there was any line at all it meant pregnant, but I was not wholly convinced, since it was really very very faint. Just the vertical line is inconclusive.

So, I read it as inconclusive and decided to wait a few more days. I decided to buy a Clearblue Easy test—with a digital readout that says “pregnant” or “not pregnant.” Stay tuned.

Two gripes for the day

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I know, I know, there should be no gripes on a long holiday weekend…but you know me.

One, it’s back up to 90+ degrees.

Two, it’s apparently near impossible to find any shower stall (54″ x 78″) curtains. You’d think Bed Bath & Beyond would have them, but it seems they have more Bed and Beyond than they do Bath these days. They had one (count ’em ONE) “extra long” shower curtain—that wasn’t a liner. (We don’t have a stall shower per se, but it’s more a stall than a regular, so our current curtain bunches together too much—and we only have like a 2″ lip on the bottom, so the curtain has to hang quite low.) I have a shower curtain that I love….but would give it up if I could find one I liked that fit right.

Our rollercoaster ride.

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I actually wrote this on a board where I have a few friends. I had NO idea at the time (obviously) that I was already pregnant…

So, before we got married we knew we didn’t want kids. Just plain didn’t want them. After we got married, we knew we didn’t want kids. Just plain didn’t want them. And we were both okay with that.

Fast forward to Tom being deployed and my grandfather dying two weeks later (so obviously he couldn’t be there). And my cousins (mainly Lisa and Lori) I were talking about how our parents (and their cousins) had really grown apart and we didn’t want that to happen to us and that turned into a discussion on having kids (some of my cousins have kids already) and I wouldn’t mind having a big family (I grew up with huge extended family)… and long story short, I decided I wanted kids. And after talking with Tom, and with him being deployed, yada yada yada, he decided he wanted kids. So we changed our mind and decided to have kids.

We decided to start trying in October 2005 (on our “honeymoon”) and just let nature take its course. I had no idea how long it would take, as I’d been on the pill for almost 10 years, then on Depo for probably four, then back on the pill for a year. My [step]sister got pregnant the month after stopping the pill. A friend got pregnant within a year after going off Depo (supposedly it can take up to two). Other people I talked to said it took anywhere from a month to a year.

The second month, I honestly thought I was pregnant. I [thought I] was late (my cycle has always been very irregular), my breasts were very tender, and I just felt different. Except I wasn’t pregnant. Okay, no biggie, it’s only been two months. Then for the hell of it I tried the ovulation detectors… and I never once ovulated. WTF? Four months, five months, six months, seven months pass. We’re not desperate, but just frustrated. How can it be so hard to get pregnant? We had sex (almost) every day for a month…surely that would work. No. We had sex exactly when we were supposed to (like a two week period, since my cycles are screwy). No dice.

Eight months, nine months pass. Two neighbors had babies, two more got pregnant, and I find out an old friend (who up until now has said they were not having kids)…is pregnant—having gotten pregnant the first night they decided to try. Cue the sappy and/or depressing music. This is the first time I was actually depressed about it (not for long, but still depressed—and Angi, if and when you ever read this, do NOT feel bad! It was VERY short-lived!).

Ten months pass. A neighbor (who just had a baby in February) is now pregnant again after a month of trying. Even though my doc said not to worry until a year has passed, we decide to have hubby tested, just because it’s much easier to test him than me. And his swimmers are fine. So it’s either me and my dusty eggs…or it’s just taking longer than normal.

We are just now starting our eleventh month. Of course, during all this, we’ve known hubby will be deployed. First for a year, then six months, now a year or nine months. We’ve already gone through the rollercoaster of deciding to have a baby, not getting pregnant as quickly as we thought we would, then the thought of him being gone a year and me not wanting to do it all alone (so we stopped trying for a few weeks), to him getting switched back to six months and us going full-steam ahead with the baby-making, but now he’s back to being deployed for a year (or 9-10 months) and part of me says to stop trying because of course, NOW would be the time I got pregnant, when he was going to be gone the entire time. But, if things keep happening (or, rather, NOT happening) like they have been, why worry?

I’m not making myself crazy (even if it seems that way)… I am just getting frustrated. I know life is never easy, but I didn’t think it would be this hard. I mean, as my girlfriend said, you spend your entire early adulthood trying NOT to get pregant and being told you can get pregnant at any time, but when it comes down to it, there are like three days you can get pregnant and it’s harder than you think.

Two broken toes

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Or at least it certainly feels like it.

Let me start at the beginning.

Two weekends ago, during a period of inebriation, I slipped on a wet floor and fell. It wasn’t until the next morning that I noticed my left pinky toe area was EXTREMELY bruised and painful to walk on. It has gotten better over time (the bruising is gone), but it is still somewhat painful and hard to walk on.

So what did I do this morning?

Of course, I rammed my right pinky toes into a door/door frame. The pain just about brought me to my knees—and it did bring tears to my eyes. I could barely put any pressure on it at all, but I managed to make it downstairs (carrying the dog, no less) and put a cold pack on it (which didn’t really seem to help at all). I hobbled around to finish getting ready, and it was extremely painful. By 9:30, it was very swollen and bruising nicely.

Although I’m sure it would have been much more painful, I would rather have crushed the same toes I did before, so at least I would have one good foot to walk on.

My second new phone

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So last night, Tom went to grab my phone and it said No Service. Odd, since his phone was fine. So, after a call to Alltel and some basic tech support, we were told I’d need a new phone.

Hoo boy.

I had all my numbers backed up, but getting a new phone meant I would lose my protective stickers (you can only stick them on once), all the photos that were attached to each contact (so your picture comes up when you call), all my specialized ringtones, all the ringtones attached to each contact (like the photos, so a certain person calls and a certain song plays), and both games that I purchased!! Luckily, I was able to get a credit for the games I’d bought (so I can download them again) but otherwise, I had to totally reprogram my phone…

Not fun.

But, I did get a brand new phone (it was under warranty), so that was good.

A Surreal Meeting

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For those of you who might not know, I belong to a few online groups where I spend quite a bit of time (different than the ladies I met around the time of our wedding). Anyway, these groups have “meets” every now and again at places across the country, but even though we haven’t been able to make it to any (the major one was in Las Vegas for five days), I spend enough time chatting with these people that it feels like I know them.

So earlier tonight, I happened to read a thread where one of the members said he was at Camp Lejeune.

Huh? What?

I’ve never been shy or hesitant in sharing where I live, so I was very surprised that this guy didn’t know I lived here! Anyway, a few quick PMs and I was on my way to meet him! (Tom was on his way to bed, so he elected not to go.)

The whole thing was so surreal—I was meeting someone I’ve been chatting with for a year! Of course, I had brought my camera to fully document the occasion, so here you go—me and Mike:

tcr combat medic meet

Depending on his schedule, we will meet (all three of us) for dinner before he leaves. I really think the boys will get along well, as they apparently worked on the same technological systems in Iraq. Small world.

UPDATE (inserted here because it felt out of place on the actual date): We never did get to meet for dinner. 🙁