I feel like a horrible mom.

OMG. Katie is driving me batshit crazy today. She is super cranky, screaming like she’s starving, but spits and sputters and won’t sit still to drink a bottle. Then she’ll drink for 10 seconds then spit it out. There are no burps in there and she’s in a clean diaper. Lather, rinse, repeat ALL DAY LONG.

And I know she’s not even being that bad…I just have a VERY low tolerance for this type of thing, and why I wasn’t sure about having another baby. If she ever gets colicky I won’t be able to handle it. Seriously.

I feel like a horrible mom. :'(

My little helper

Owen is SUCH a great helper.

I have him do little things for me off and on—partially because it really helps me out and partially to teach him how to follow multi-part directions.

For example, today I asked:

“Owen, can you please go upstairs into your bathroom and bring me the Baby B that’s in the sink?”

And he got it.

I also asked:

“Owen, can you please go upstairs in Katie’s room and get the two bottles that are on her crib?”

And he did that, too.

Both of these are impressive since he often has a hard time with (what we think are) simple/easy-to-understand requests. (For example, he asked me where something was, and I told him (while pointing) “It’s under that chair in the pink cat bed.” And he didn’t get it, even after I repeated it three times.) I’m not sure what the difference is between what he does and doesn’t understand.

But he’s learning and getting better and he’s awesome to have as a helper!

Most challenging day-with-a-newborn yet.

I really wish I knew what made babies spit up. We just switched to a new formula, and it seems that she’s spitting up more. But it’s not all the time after every bottle which makes me think it can’t be the formula. (For example, at her 4 AM feeding she drank 5 ounces, didn’t burp, and went to sleep no problem. The bottle I’m giving her now, she drank an ounce and spit up. She drank two more ounces and spit up again. Same formula.) Sooo frustrating.

That said, I think today is my most challenging day-with-a-newborn day thus far. And I know it’s nothing even bad or rant-worthy because it could be soooooo much worse… But all morning it’s been eat, spit up, eat, nap for 5 min, screech, spit up, spit up, eat, spit up, 10m nap, screech, eat, spit up, lather rinse, repeat since 7a.

I think it’s just feeling worse because I got so little sleep last night (the least amount of overnight sleep I’ve gotten since she’s been home)—she didn’t fall asleep until after 11, was up at 3:30, and I didn’t fall back to sleep until around 5:30 (the last time I looked at the clock it was 5:20), then she was up screaming to eat at 7:15.

Man, I did/do NOT miss this. She’s been spoiling us (me) for sure…

Welcome to my neuroses.

I am trying to figure out how to categorize/sort/label my Katie photos. Owen was easy—separate folders for Year | Month. But now that Katie is here, I’m at a loss. I started doing the same as Owen (Year | Month) but she’s obviously in pictures with Owen…so do the photos go in Owen, Katie, or a new Siblings folder? For the month she was born, I put Owen photos in Owen, Katie photos in Katie, and mixed photos in the folder of whoever seemed to be the main subject of the photo.

Then I figured that maybe I would just group them in a generic Kids folder…but there are times when I take a ton of Owen or a ton of Katie—that could really go in their own folder.

I thought about tagging, but I’m not sure how helpful that really is on my computer (Windows 7). (I know you CAN tag things, but I haven’t really used it or used it to search, so I’m not sure how beneficial it would really be.) I know people use Picasa, but I have tried using it in the past but all I remember is that last time I used it—and tagged EVERYTHING—my hard drive died (or something) and I lost all my work. So I don’t want to waste my time with that again.

Then there’s POSTING the photos. I upload monthly photos to Shutterfly. So, there are (obviously) 41 monthly folders of Owen. I started an album for Katie (currently one folder!)…but these should mimic what I do on my computer. Right? To keep the confusion to a minimum?

And don’t even get me started on this blog. I called it Baby. Now it should be Kids but I’m sure that’s a nightmare to change. And all the posts about Owen I want labeled as Owen but there is NO easy way to do that, so I’m just tagging Katie posts with Katie to at least differentiate that way. I get a headache just thinking about it.

WELCOME TO MY NEUROSES. :**:

Only one feeding a night…but I’m still tired.

I love that Katie has only ever needed one feeding a night…but it’s usually at 5a, which means after I get done pumping it’s about 6a…at which point it’s nearly impossible to fall asleep again (because 1. it’s getting light out and 2. I know I have to be up around 7-7:30 to get Owen up and hopefully shower before Katie wakes up).

If I just had Katie, I’d generally get to sleep in until 8 or 9…but alas that isn’t the case. 😐 So, since Katie usually doesn’t go to bed until midnight…I’m getting five hours of sleep (minus the two times I have to get up to pee). Which sounds like a decent amount of time, until afternoon rolls around and I can barely keep my eyes open.

So, I’m a different kind of tired this time around…

I don’t remember.

I seem to be saying that a lot. About everything (trying to compare to Katie).

How much did Owen eat at one time when he was a week old?
I don’t remember.

When did Owen start spitting up?
I don’t remember.

When did Owen start holding his head up on his own?
I don’t remember.

When did Owen start using a pacifier?
I don’t remember.

None of the questions are life or death, but it’s SO frustrating that I can’t seem to remember ANYTHING from when Owen was a newborn!

It’s not all sunshine and cotton candy…

I am so fed up with Owen and his non-eating habits. I try so hard not to let it bother me but some days I just want to scream.

Tonight we had Bulgogi—marinated flank steak. We’ve had it before and he LOVED it (granted, it was probably 1.5-2 years ago when he might still try new things) so we wanted him to try it again and he just flat out refuses. Shakes his head no, waves his hands in front of his face, growls NOOO at us…the whole nine yards. We used to be able to bribe him with a treat if he tried something and that doesn’t even work anymore. :**:

I’ve read all the things that are supposed to work and they don’t:

  • I put some [of whatever] on his plate with his other food…and he just ignores it.
  • I put out the same food (or just offer it) over and over and over and over in case it takes 20 times. He never tries it.
  • I can’t be sneaky and hide food in what he eats…because he eats nothing I can hide other stuff in (like mashed potatoes or Mac and cheese or meatballs or hamburgers or spaghetti).
  • I can’t fool him with toppings hid on pizza under cheese–he takes them off.
  • He notices smashed fruit in his yogurt and won’t eat it.
  • He didn’t even like the strawberry freezer jam I made—which had nothing hiding, it was just different.

I’ve pretty much given up reading articles on the subject because every one ends up being completely laughable to me.

I keep telling myself he’ll grow out of it, but it’s been so long already with no change in sight (and it’s actually gotten worse!) that I really have no hope. I keep thinking he’ll better understand compromise or bargaining as he gets older, but he doesn’t seem to have a clue.

Tonight we eventually told him there would be no iPad until he tried a new food…and that didn’t even work. And he LIVES for the iPad. Then I feel guilty for doing that…but I feel we have to try all sorts of options. But now I can’t give him the iPad because I cant give in. I expect tantrums.

In my pissed off moments I want to try the giving-him-only-what-we’re-eating thing again, as a take it or leave it meal…but then I feel guilty even thinking about doing that because what if he really does have some major issue with food that we just haven’t figured out yet?

Being pregnant and super emotional doesn’t help any of this, either.

I am just sooooo tired of dealing with this. Yes, I know it could STILL be worse, but as I said, there are just days when it overwhelms me.

A month or so to go…

With a month or so left, I’m starting to get freaked out. Nothing is done so it starts this week…painting the nursery, putting the crib and dressers together, washing clothes, finding baby stuff in the garage. Tom is going to try and take Thursday and Friday off.

I just keep thinking it could be two weeks…it could be two weeks…!!!!!!!!! And to top it off, I’m more paranoid about this birth than the first one where I was completely clueless. I’m afraid of being early again (or even earlier). I’m paranoid of my water breaking somewhere inconvenient or at an inconvenient time (like having to call our friends to take Owen in the middle of the night). I’m paranoid I’ll have actual contractions and it will be worse than last time. I’m afraid the epidural will get screwed up again.

And on and on.

Developmental Pediatrician’s Report

I just got done reading the Developmental Pediatrician’s report/conclusion/findings on Owen…and…it’s depressing. I know it could be SO much worse, but the medical-speak (and length of some sections) is just scary. And I know a lot of the report was just my answers to the questionnaires they had me fill out, but put it all together and it seems so much worse.

Also, I know the doc can only describe what he saw during those two hours we were there, but to hear him describe Owen’s facial expressions as “BLAND, NOT EXPRESSIVE, NOT COMMUNICATIVE” just kills me…because I don’t see him like that at all…but obviously a professional did.

But then there’s good stuff like a picture vocab test he took rated him at an age equivalent of 6yrs 4mo. and another vocab test was 4yr 7mo.

I seriously have to just keep reminding myself that it could be SO much worse…and whatever the professional findings ARE will allow us to get him the help he needs.

Scheduling Evaluations

Getting Owen seen/evaluated at the schools is not as quick a process as I’d hoped…though part of the issue is that Spring Break is next week.

  1. The first appointment for a brief hearing and vision test is on 4/17. They said the paperwork I have to fill out will take longer than the tests. |-|
  2. The clinic appointment for in-depth testing is on 4/20. I’m guessing this will be similar to the tests Owen took with the first doctor and will take anywhere from 45 minutes to 1.5 hours.
  3. The Referral meeting to go over the test results is 4/30 and should take about an hour. We will find out what they recommend as far as any special education type classes.

I guess in the grand scheme of things, it’s not THAT long, but I was hoping it would be a one-day thing I could schedule next week.

EDITED TO ADD: I also scheduled the appointment for the second opinion…unfortunately, however, it’s not until May 30 (the first opening they had)! So that’s a bit of a bummer…but the only thing I can do is call now and again to see if they have any cancellations.

IS ANY DOCTOR EVER ON TIME?

OMG. TWO HOURS FOR A FREAKING EYE APPOINTMENT. Sorry, but that is just insane.

11:32 – Arrive early for 12p appointment.

11:47 – Complete paperwork.

12:45 – Assistant does three eye tests (peripheral line wiggle, air puff, cornea measurement) in 10 minutes.

1:15 – Another assistant does basic eye exam (finds new prescription) in 10 minutes.

1:35 – Doc comes in, he decides on a contact, and checks my eyes quickly without and with contacts.

1:55 – Check out.

2:00 – Walk next door to place order for new lenses.

2:10 – On my way home.

:##

Four more months? Ugh.

Would someone just shoot me? Oh my god. I thought I just ate too much last night, so I took Tums and they didn’t really help—and I had a hard time falling asleep. Uh oh.

And this morning I still felt crappy and laid in bed pretty much all day feeling crappy, not really ever sleeping (so as to feel refreshed) but just snoozing off and on. My body started aching so I thought maybe I was getting sick…but it didn’t really feel like that. I showered and that didn’t even help. :'(

I hadn’t eaten much all day (toast with peanut butter at breakfast) so I had chicken broth and a handful of dry cereal and felt a little better, but my stomach still gurgles like I’m hungry…but I’m not.

I’m just really uncomfortable and it’s annoying. And of course I have zero energy.

Four more months?

/cry

Blood pressure issues

So I’ve been having blood pressure issues lately. Not anything that I have symptoms for, but just measuring a little on the high side (just above normal) when I was in for appointments. They had me come in on a non-appointment day in case it was just a case of White Coat Hypertension…but it was slightly high then, too. So the doc wanted me to watch it and I had to go buy a cuff and take my blood pressure twice a day.

Well, I started to get really freaked out because the readings were really high. Like not just a tad above normal high, but up to crazy scary Stage 2 high (like one day was 190/110 first thing after waking up in the morning). :??: 88| I tried not to get TOO worried, but how could I not?!? I took it religiously for a week, and it was fairly consistently high (anywhere from pre-hypertension to Stage 2 as I said). Of course, the spiked high readings freaked me out more (since I’ve never had blood pressure issues before and these were taken when I was completely and totally relaxed) so I made an appointment with my OB. In the meantime, I went to Walgreens to get my pressure taken, to see if maybe my machine was off—and it wasn’t (so, good and bad).

Of course, the morning of my appointment, my blood pressure in the office was completely normal. Good, but…what the hell? And the doc looked at my logs and said in a blood pressure world of black and white, I’m gray. 😐

My BP at the office was completely normal…but I have the logs of high and crazy high. He definitely didn’t want to put me on BP-lowering meds in case there wasn’t really a problem because then the drugs would lower it too much and that is a problem as well. So for the time being, I’m continuing to monitor it while watching for specific warning signs and trying to drink more water/get more exercise/watch my salt intake. And I get to go back every two weeks instead of four…in addition to my every four weeks trip to the fetal specialist. 😐

He didn’t seem worried so I’ll try not to be as well.

I really liked him, too, so that was good (because on my last visit, I found out that the OB I had seen twice and liked is leaving in three months). And he told me he wants me to see doctors—not midwives, which I had been scheduled to do.

AM I HAVING FUN YET?

More fun thanks to the naval hospital!

>:XX

The naval hospital is seriously on my last nerve. They referred me to a fetal medicine specialist in the next big town (there is a local office, but they have to see me in the main office first). Fine. The office doesn’t allow kids so it was a major issue to try and find a sitter for a weekday morning for four hours. But I did it.

So yesterday I get a call from that office—or what I initally thought was that office—saying they needed to schedule an appointment. Um, I already did…? Come to find out, after much confusion, there are two separate fetal medicine offices…the one I was initally referred to (and scheduled the appointment with) and the one where my OLD fetal medicine doc (from 2008) now worked (which I had been led to believe—by my OB—was the same office, but apparently wasn’t). But I had mentioned to my OB about my original doc, so she made a call to see if my OLD doc could see me, which seemed fine to me since they had my old records. And I thought it was the same office.

But it wasn’t. So I had to make the decision whether to keep my original appointment with the newly referred doc (and hope that further appointments would be in Jacksonville to make my life easier) or take the new doc (which was really my OLD doc) but have to have all appointments in Wilmington (1:20 away). I decided to stick with the originally referred doc, hoping further appointments would be local.

So I thought it was done.

Except just now I get a phone call from the new place (that had called yesterday), saying she called to check things out with the hospital, and…my OB requested the doc/office change and my other appointment had been cancelled. CANCELLED. Which no one ever informed me of, from either the hospital or the fetal medicine clinic. REALLY? Niiiiice. At least the girl I was dealing with (from the new place) was super nice. And I guess as a bonus, kids are allowed at their clinic, so even though I have to drive an hour and 20 minutes, I can take Owen.

But seriously, every single thing I ever have done at the hospital (or through the hospital) seems to get screwed up in some way and it’s never easy and it’s always annoying. This is going to be a LOOOOOONG pregnancy.

Fun at the naval hospital!

You gotta love the naval hospital—I was there for three hours, during which I visited three sections (ultrasound, nurse visit, and lab) for a grand total of 30 minutes (10 minutes each). And I skipped waiting for scripts because that would have added another hour.

FUN! :meh:

But we did have get this nice picture…and an updated due date (July 16):

And now, for a bit of backstory…

Or, why I haven’t been posting much.

We found out I was pregnant on November 13, then called the hospital to see what I had to do to come in and get bloodwork to confirm it. I was told if I had a positive urine test that I could come in. So I waited a few days until it was convenient, and—

** INSERT LONG AND FRUSTRATING STORY WITH THE NAVAL HOSPITAL **

Ugh.

So we made it on base a little before 9am. And since they’re doing construction, one entire parking lot is gone, which means I had to park in the very last row about 200 yards from the hospital. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but super annoying.

So apparently I’m in the Red group, but there’s nothing anywhere noting which section is Red and which is Blue, so I stop at the first Family Practice I see—assuming they’ll tell me if I need to go elsewhere or whatever. So I say I’m there for walk-in bloodwork for a pregnancy and she says “Have you had two positive urine tests here?” Um, no. I told her when I called the appointment line, I was specifically told that as long as I had a positive urine test at home, I could get the bloodwork. She says she’s sorry, but that’s NOT their policy, but they can do a urine test for me. Of course I was pissed. I tried not to be too bitchy, but I asked if there wasn’t anything they could do since 1) I was told something else on the phone and 2) I wanted to get OB involved ASAP since I’ve had a problem pregnancy before and wanted them to do whatever they could to make sure this one worked (and couldn’t they check my records?). (As a sidenote, as I’m talking to her, a coworker was calling [whoever] to tell them about the screw up with the appointment line rep to make sure it didn’t happen again.) So the lady asks if I’m high risk and I say actually, I probably am—they considered me high risk when I had [him] because of my age and thyroid issues, and I’m older now, so…I’m likely to be high risk again. So she doesn’t say anything but makes some motion which TO ME says she’s going to bypass it and let me get the bloodwork. She prints me something and directs me to the lab. I didn’t even think to look at the sheet.

So I get to the lab, take my numbers, and wait. I finally get called, hand him the paperwork, and he asks if I’m prepared to give a urine sample. Wait, what? No. I tell him it’s supposed to be bloodwork. Then I read the sheet and it clearly says urinalysis. Ugh. So the lady apparently led me to believe she was giving me bloodwork but gave me urinalysis and didn’t. even. tell. me. (No, she didn’t specifically tell me I was getting bloodwork, but after the entire discussion about my past and being high-risk, I assumed I was getting bloodwork—and she didn’t say either way.) So I tell him I’ve got to go back. Luckily Owen is a little rock star and just keeps playing with his cars and my phone.

So I go back to the first place and it’s the other girl (who has been making the phone call) and I say “Remember me? I thought this was supposed to be an order for bloodwork.” And then she’s all “Well this isn’t even YOUR clinic. You’re Red. This is Blue.” I ask where the signs are and how I’m supposed to tell—did I miss something?” No, she tells me, we were just doing you a favor so you didn’t have to [go 20 yards farther down the hall to your correct clinic]. Like I was putting her out or something. So off we went.

So we get to the correct RED clinic and have to start from scratch with this lady. I retell the ENTIRE story (Blue clinic visit, appointment phone call, bloodwork that was really urinalysis, failed pregnancy, high risk) and all I get is “Well, our policies are two in-house positive urine tests before bloodwork.” I just wanted to scream HAVE YOU HEARD ANYTHING I’VE BEEN SAYING? To her credit, she said she’d ask a nurse. So I waited and waited. Then she came back and said a nurse should be up in a minute.

In the meantime I asked if I could make an appointment for Owen since he missed his 30-month well-visit and I was pretty sure he needed some vaccine updates. So she tells me he shouldn’t need anything until he’s FOUR and throws a sheet of paper at me with their vaccine schedule. So as I’m trying to read his vaccine chart (via Dropbox on my phone so it’s super tiny and I’m not even sure what I’m looking for!), she says “How about Monday, November 21 at 11?” So she caught me off guard by wanting to make an appointment before I was sure he needed one, then she was all “You’ll have to call to cancel if he doesn’t need it.” And I said, surprised, “Did you schedule it already? I’m still looking to see if he needs it.” And she said No, I’m just waiting on you. All snotty. SERIOUSLY? I finally found that all he needs is a flu shot, so I told her that, thinking I could either take that appointment or they might be able to do it right then. Yeah, no. She tells me they can’t do flu shots until he’s four…but I can go out in town and get one. What? WHAT THE HELL? A military hospital can’t give a toddler a flu shot? If there was some other extenuating circumstance, they certainly didn’t tell me. So now I’m pissed about that on top of everything else.

So then the nurse comes out and signs the form giving me the okay for bloodwork and the snotty lady enters it into the computer and you can tell she’s rolling her eyes while doing it. REALLY? The little old grandma-like lady was a bitch.

The rest of the time there was just fine—the lab techs (who were awesome to Owen) and even waiting for Tom’s scripts. But I am sure my blood pressure was SKY HIGH anyway. (And we were leaving the hospital parking lot 2 1/2 hours after we got there. Ugh.)

And THIS is why I wanted an in-town doctor for both of us. Because I >:XX hate the hospital. Something always pisses me off when I have to go there.

** END OF LONG AND FRUSTRATING STORY WITH THE NAVAL HOSPITAL **

—the following day I got a call that yes, I was pregnant—due July 24, 2012.

So, we had plans for lots of family to be visiting over the upcoming month, but kind of wanted to not tell them because 1) it was still REALLY early (only five weeks) and 2) we wanted to surprise them with the news when we came up for Christmas.

But…my mom and David were the first to visit (the few days before Thanksgiving, on their way to Atlanta to see the Filipeks) and…HOW COULD I NOT TELL MY MOM? 88| So we told them and they were super excited. Unfortunately, after they left and Tom’s mom and brother arrived, I started feeling crappy. Like, seriously crappy. I tried to hide it for a few days—but then it just kept getting worse, so we finally broke down and told them, too. By the end of their week-long visit, I was in pretty bad shape. Incapacitated, even.

I call it the Yucks™ (I suppose it’s morning sickness—which is realy all-day sickness—without any barfing). I had it with Owen, but not nearly this bad or this early. The best I can describe it is that all at once and all day long you feel like:

  1. You just ate a too-big meal.
  2. You are a little hungry.
  3. You have a big ball of nervousness weighing on your chest.
  4. You have a hangover.
  5. You are mentally exhausted.
  6. You are physically exhausted.

I seriously just sat on the couch or in bed like a zombie and wished someone would knock me out until July. Nothing I ate (or didn’t eat) made any difference. No amount of sleep made any difference. I had no energy to do anything simple like post to my blogs, let alone cook or pick up the house. I lost about 8# during the two worst weeks. Thankfully, my dad and Linda were total rock stars, playing with and taking care of Owen, helping put up Christmas decorations, and taking care of laundry, cleaning, and meal prep for the two weeks they were here. I did help out the few hours and or random day when I felt better (YucksLite™ ) but it was few and far between.

We actually momentarily debated NOT going to Michigan for Christmas because I felt so bad…but figured I might as well feel bad where there were other people to help out with Owen. 🙂 I’m so glad we did go, because Owen had a great time staying at Gramma Jean and Grandpa David’s house, visiting with the Len cousins and Schwalm cousins (he now knows the word COUSINS!), and seeing Grandma Marsha and Uncle Rob (Grob) for a bit. I did have a few decent days, but for the most part, I was still dealing with the Yucks™.

So, at this point, seven weeks after we found out…I still feel like crap. Needless to say it’s been a LONG seven months weeks and there have been many, many times I’ve just felt like crying because I’m SO tired of feeling this way. The first trimester is almost over, and I’m keeping my fingers crossed that most of this goes away. Of course, then other fun stuff is bound to appear (like I’m already experiencing gas, bloating, burping, and minor reflux in addition to the Yucks™ ). Of course, my friends all say that being this sick means it’s either a girl—or twins. I’ve disowned the people that have mentioned twins.

Oh! I almost forgot! Another lovely naval hospital story… |-|

After a two-day wait for the general practice office to offically refer me to OB, I had to call and schedule the first ultrasound appointment pretty quickly. Easy, right? The first opening they had was like December 21. I told her that there was a 99% chance we’d be on vacation then, so if there was ANY way to get it even a few days earlier, that would be great. Nothing doing, no way no how, that’s the absolute earliest you can come in. Now, I understand they have to wait a certain number of weeks to be able to get a heartbeat, but I really don’t think a few days earlier would be the breaking point (it wasn’t like I was asking for two weeks early or something). But she does tell me that if I do find out for sure that we aren’t going to be here, to call back and they will try to get me in earlier. Wait, what? Just a minute ago it was no way, no how…but now you’re telling me to call back and you’ll try to get me in? Ugh. So, fine. So when we had decided we were going to Michigan (granted, only about a week before the scheduled appointment), I called and told the lady what I wanted (and I know it was the same lady—I recognized the voice) she immediately became snotty and said “WHO TOLD YOU THAT?” I wanted to say “It was you—I remember you” but I didn’t. Yeah, they can’t get me in that soon at all and wouldn’t even take my name down for a cancellation. The next available appointment was almost three weeks later. Really? Oh, and they’re only in the morning. And I can’t bring Owen with me. And suddenly she tells me that I need to be prepared to be there for 2-3 hours for labwork and a visit with the nurse. WHAT? Since when? You’d think they’d tell me all this the FIRST time I called to schedule the appointment. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. So I had no ultrasound to show anyone at Christmas. And I’m keeping my fingers crossed that everything goes well Friday…though it’s the naval hospital, so I’m sure something will piss me off.

So…thus far…this hasn’t been an enjoyable or exciting experience for me. I’m really hoping things get better.

Tricare Tribulations

Seriously, I could just scream or bust out crying from dealing with this. I hate bureaucracy and I hate inane rules, and Tricare has it all right now.

As with most insurance companies (I’m guessing) you need to select a Primary Care Manager, or PCM. When we last lived here, there was a Tricare clinic less than five minutes from my office, so that’s where I chose my PCM. I did it all online and it was easy peasy. In Michigan, we had a different form of Tricare (called Prime Remote) which basically allowed us to pick “civilian” providers since we weren’t near a Military Treatment Facility (MTF). Again, easy peasy and no issues.

So fast forward to moving back here and needing to pick PCMs again. I should have done it as soon as we got here, but things happen and you know how things slip your mind if you don’t NEED to go to a doctor. But Owen was past due for his 30-month wellness appointment and then I threw my back out, so I figured I had to get it done.

And that’s when the nightmare started.

Actually, it wasn’t a nightmare at first. We wanted to be seen in town (by a Tricare provider) so I searched and yes, the clinic I had gone to was still listed and the pediatrician (that had been recommended to me by a friend) was listed, but I couldn’t seem to access the necessary website to make my selection. Turns out, we had been automatically assigned a PCM so needed a waiver from the Tricare office to change providers/be seen in town, but I was assured (from a friend) that it wouldn’t be an issue and her waiver was granted basically without a second glance. Cool.

So Tom was busy at work (of course) and it took a week or so for him to visit that office to get the form and bring it home for me. I did a website search again to make sure the docs I wanted were still listed, filled out the form along with the reason for my request (base is too far away—30+ minutes usually, and the docs we wanted were 15) and sent it in with Tom.

Aaaaaand, this is where the nightmare actually begins.

I mistakenly put we’re 5 miles from the base (instead of 15—I forgot the 1—maybe I was thinking of the docs we WANTED to go to which are 5 miles away) but when the lady noticed and made a comment about that not being far away, Tom explained that we’re actually 15 miles/30+ minutes away. She agreed we should be going to a doc in town—and was actually stunned that we had been assigned to the base because they’re full. Fine. We’re good to go.

Or so we thought.

Tom got the denial email today saying we’re too close to base (the Naval Hospital is our MTF). What? SERIOUSLY? So Tom called and explained (and rehashed the explanatory conversation he had with the rep when he turned in the form) and oh, THEIR system says we’re 28 minutes from base, and the cutoff is 30, and they don’t count traffic—which of course can add another 20-30 MINUTES if you’re trying to get through the front gate during morning rush hour.

He questioned the decision, and they basically had the attitude of tough shit, it’s mandatory that you’re seen on base, you get what you get, and don’t bother calling again because we’re not going to change it. End of story. She did say that the docs we listed aren’t even in their system—which, WHAT?—I just looked them up three days before! So I told Tom that I’d print out the damn docs off the website and send them in with him as proof—but guess what? The entire site has been redesigned and the stuff I found last week is no longer there. OF COURSE. Searching for providers in our area brings up NOTHING because it’s apparently now MANDATORY that we are seen on base. >:XX

So I call the main Tricare people (Health Net Federal Services), and long story short, she tells me since we’re right on the cusp (28 minutes vs. 30 minutes) they really should give us the waiver, but it IS up to the individual office…and that we need to call that office and ask how to file an appeal. Yeah, it sounds good, but with the severe attitude Tom got when he called, I don’t see an appeal going over well. And he wasn’t exactly in an agreeable mood.

Yes, I know I should be happy that we even have insurance—and I get that. But it really should be easier than this.

So THEN I figured well, Owen needs his appointment and I will need more meds soon (for my back) so I guess I’ll just suck it up and make an appointment for both of us while we figure out if we can appeal the waiver. I know you can make appointments online, but I couldn’t login—and had no idea why.

Which started an avalanche of frustration about all the >:XX Tricare and Tricare-related websites. I know for a fact I’ve registered on these sites, but my logins aren’t working and you can’t just request your password be sent or even reset—since it’s medical stuff with extreme privacy laws, you have to request a reset and expect a security code in the mail within 10 days. Oh, and all three of us can’t be on the same account on one site—everyone over 18 has to have their own account. So Owen is under Tom’s, and I have my own—WHICH I KNOW I >:XX SET UP but they seem to think all my information is invalid and can’t find me…but if I try to register again, it tells me I already have an account. And another site, in order to get a login, I either need a DOD access card or a MyPay account (which I used to have Tom’s login until their changed their requirements and now it’s some unintelligible and random string of gibberish that I can apparently never type in correctly) or I can request my own login, but in order to request that login, you need one of the aforementioned types of logins…that I can’t get because I don’t have the login?!?!?

>:XX :crazy: :## :down:

So yes I can actually make a phone call to get an appointment, but by the time I had dealt with all that >:XX nonsense, I was done. D. O. N. E. DONE.

I can deal with a lot of stuff rationally (believe it or not), but this shit just drives me >:XX bonkers.

Owen really is a good boy!

It’s times like this [when I am fairly incapacitated] that I am so very thankful for Owen. For two days straight, I’ve been in bed laying down (pretty much all day) and he just hangs out with me, playing with his cars, playing puzzles on the iPad, and watching TV. No complaining, no whining about wanting to go anywhere else in the house, no running off for long periods of time, etc.

I just wish I could take a little nap…but I’m not going to push my luck. 🙂

Random bits

I wish Owen would want to stay outside and play longer. I wish he would understand that this current weather is the best we’re going to have for probably the next three years…that it will soon be too hot to want to stay outside very long. But he usually only wants to stay outside for like 10 minutes at a time, at random times throughout the day.

He has figured out how to unlock the screen door, so he’s taken to just going outside whenever he wants (leaving the screen door open, of course). I’m trying to teach him that he has to ask to go outside, and of course that doesn’t go over very well—he collapses into his go-to whining position (crouches/squats on the floor covering his eyes with his fists and whines gently). I would call it a tantrum but it’s not that bad.

He listens and understands basic commands pretty well—which is fun—like “Bring me your juice” or “Turn your car off” and yesterday he even understood me when I told him his B was up in his room…because he went and got it! Of course, being a toddler, he doesn’t ALWAYS listen…but for the most part he does. He’s also still really good when it comes to picking up toys and putting them away.

His words are still coming along, though honestly I’m probably not keeping track as well as I should. He also seems to be repeating things more, even if he doesn’t understand. Since the last update, we have about 15 more words:

Annie => Little Einsteins character
Awesome
Beanstalk => From a Little Einsteins episode
Blimp
Cage => From a Little Einsteins episode
Cute
Cymbals => From a Little Einsteins episode
Helicopter => Pronounced as hector
Hiding
June => Little Einsteins character
Lion
Mouse
Note => From a Little Einsteins episode, as in music note
Orange
Saturn => From a Little Einsteins episode

We have taught him “please” (which comes out as peas and it’s so cute) but he thinks that’s all he has to say when he wants something. So he’ll be saying “peas! peas! peas!” but we have no idea what he wants. I keep asking him what he wants, and all I get is peas. I keep telling him that I need to know what he wants, or that he needs to say “outside please” but it’s just not getting through. If we ask him if he wants to go outside (or wants a snack or wants to watch rocket or whatever), he giggles. So, we’ve learned that giggling = yes. 🙂

Eye Aye Aye

Apparently my eyes went to shit overnight. Or if not overnight, then certainly within about a week or so.

Everything was fine at my last appointment (November) and up until about two months ago I never gave my vision a second thought. Then one weekend we were driving home on the highway and I noticed that some signs—that I’d normally have no problem reading—were blurry! I attributed it to dirty contacts and overtired eyes (not having gotten much sleep the previous two nights), so I just changed contacts when we got home and didn’t think much else about it.

Except that I started noticing my eyes getting dry or feeling like the contacts were dirty (and sometimes even painful)—after only maybe 5-7 hours of wear—with new to almost-new contacts…in other words, totally not normal. But I suffered through it for a while because I just hadn’t had eye/contact problems before and thought it was a passing thing.

But when a new pair of contacts bothered me after only a few hours of wear, I knew it was time to get checked out. A quick exam showed that my cornea had changed shape slightly, though that shouldn’t have caused the problems. I learned, however, that all contacts are different shapes and styles and what might have worked for me for two or four or eight years might suddenly sit the wrong way or rub a certain part of my eye (making it painful and impossible to wear comfortably) so maybe the cornea was the problem. So I got a pair of trial lenses (which felt better immediately) and made an appointment for a recheck in a week.

And they worked pretty well for a few days…until I noticed that my close vision was blurry. It was at night, so I thought maybe my eyes were just tired. But day after day it was the same, at all hours. WHAT? So I told the doc I had good news (the contacts felt fine) and bad news (now my vision was blurry).

Come to find out, he says I’m headed for bifocals and contacts may or may not help (I think he said they work for 60% of people)…but I’m not quite ready for those. So he gave me a different trial pair that would help more with my close up vision, though distances would be just a bit blurrier (but that my dominant eye would make up for it). Fine. And I left excited. Except my close vision is still blurry—and now, in addition, I get random blurry spots that move around. Which is very disturbing and annoying.

I do NOT want to wear glasses full time so I think we might have to try bifocal contacts (which are, of course, more expensive). At least I’ll get a trial pair of those as well to see if they work (before I have to buy a full set). I’ll get more info Monday when I go in for my second recheck.

Getting old sure sucks.

Billing vs. Insurance

I just opened the insurance statement from my ER visit for my cut finger. Once again, I am amazed at what the hospital bills and what little (comparatively) insurance pays and the hospital accepts.

They billed $805.07 and insurance paid $201.61. My responsibility is $25 (which I haven’t been billed for yet).

Yep, this is why people without insurance don’t go to the ER.

I joined…have you?

http://www.marrow.org

Thousands of patients hope for a bone marrow donor who can make their life-saving transplant possible. They depend on people like you. You have the power to save a life. Take the first step today.

I’ve always wanted to join the National Marrow Donor Program but somehow just never got around to it. Also, unfortunately, I discovered I was technically over their recommended weight limit. But not by much. At all. So today I was reading the local paper and there was a story about a local girl and her journey…and I went and signed up, a few pounds be damned. I’ve been meaning to lose it anyway, and this just helps add to my resolve.

It’s free to sign up and do the preliminary mouth swab test (they send you a kit) though they do take donations.

Do it. You know you want to help save a life.