So I’m a hot mess of anxiety today and have pretty much checked out and am just doing what I need to do to mentally survive the next few days.
I woke up to a text from Tom saying Maggie (age 14) doesn’t feel well and is moving slow and acting odd and needs to go to the vet. They can’t get her in until Saturday but we’re on a waitlist. Of course every time she’s out of sorts I assume the worst and that this. is. it. She’s had a few of these days before and has always rebounded but this feels different. I vascillate between thinking of taking her to the emergency vet and just waiting another hour… And then she seems fine. And then she doesn’t.
I had to carry her down the steps to go potty and then she wandered around the yard a little shakily for a bit…then just stood at my feet and stared…so I just picked her up and sat in the grass in the sun and held her in my lap for a loooong time in case we are near the end.
That was my breaking point and just sat and cried. 😭 It doesn’t help that I haven’t had a good hard cry since this all started and I really need one because I’m just so sad about so many things. Kids not in school and eLearning sucks. Kids not being able to play with their friends. Behaviors issues with kids. Feeling like I’m failing as a parent. Baseball session cancelled. Swim lessons cancelled. Community pool likely being cancelled. Life just being on hold but Tom’s retirement still looming… Nothing Earth shattering, but all still…there.
I talk a good game about this Covid thing not being that hard because I’m an introvert and being at home is actually pretty easy…but there truth is lots of things are getting to me. And this was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
I’ll be fine. She’s been on my lap on the couch sleeping nicely for two hours. But for the immediate future, I’ll be taking it easy and spending time with Maggie.
