Calgon, take me away!

Owen’s baseball stuff is in Tom’s truck BECAUSE OF COURSE IT IS.

I don’t have enough time to go get his stuff and make it back to pick him up from strength training and then get to baseball camp.

Owen doesn’t want to go to baseball camp anyway because his arm hurts.

Oh, and he doesn’t want to go to baseball camp at all anymore because “he knows everything already” — forget that we spent $200 on it.

Tom isn’t answering his texts.

I checked Owen’s summer health class scores and they are not where they should be.

The housekeepers come tomorrow, and I just want to burn the house down.

And the new swipe keyboard I’m testing is a disaster.

Today’s tip? Don’t get old.

I apparently tweaked my back last night leaving the reception—and didn’t realize it until this morning when I tried to get up and out of bed and realized I had more than my usual amount of pain.

Walking out, I had half stumbled on some rocks (in my stupid heels—why did I try to be fancy?!) and “caught” myself. (But aren’t they fancy?! They looked amazing!)

I can walk (thankfully) but can’t bend at all. And Tom had to help me put my underwear and pants on. But isn’t that what marriage is all about?!

All the feelings tonight.

It’s really strange being here at my dad and Lin’s house…and he’s not here. I keep expecting to see him shuffling in to say good morning, coming to the table for lunch, grabbing a Coke from the fridge, sitting in his rocker, sneaking some cookies, or giving him a kiss goodnight.

But at the same time — and of course something I feel immensely guilty about — is that it’s almost… easier? less stressful? a sense of relief? because there was so much involved in his daily care and dealing with his anxiety.

I’ve pretty much been avoiding any serious grieving before now because we only really saw him 2-3x a year so it was mostly “out of sight out of mind” (as crass as that may sound). But being here…and the memorial service is later this morning…well, I predict I will be a hot freaking mess. Just writing this is hard.

I don’t want to adult today.

Four years ago, August 11, 2018.

I’m just asking you to have an open mind!

So, in my recent downtime thanks to my #pissygallbladder I was scrolling my local Facebook groups and saw someone asking for a product recommendation but they explicitly said NO MLMs. Huh? And then another post asked for ways to earn extra income and after a few suggestions someone says “OOH look…here come the MLM folks” with a shark emoji and eyeroll.

I get it. I know these companies (as a whole) get a bad rap because reps added you to parties that you didn’t want to be added to (which is totally bad practice). Or some ladies legit post non-stop about why they have the best products and you roll your eyes… scrolling on.

But I hope you hear me on this…

When someone suggests a new hair care or household item you can pick up at a chain store or order from Amazon, do you think to yourself “UGH, she’s trying to get me to buy something else?!” No, you don’t. You think “Hey cool, my friend likes this and suggested it so I will give it a try.”

Do you have the same disgust for Target ads? Sephora? Tesla? McDonalds? Those are multibillion dollar companies. Your fellow neighbors or friends are just trying to find a way to be a parent and a monetary contributor to their household!

I’m not asking you to support everyone in your friends list by purchasing something. I’m just asking you to have an open mind about why they began that journey and be open minded to what they are trying to accomplish for themselves and their families.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get back to working from the couch so I can help pay our mortgage this month.

Life fatigue struck today.

Friends, do you ever have one of those days where you just. can’t. get. moving?! Or don’t want to? I’m feeling very overwhelmed today…. House, business, kids, animals, finances, Covid, eLearning…in short—life. Nothing specific or worrisome is going on…just…overall blurgh. I’m sure this is a thing, right? Life fatigue?

I posted on Facebook and pretty much everyone was like YEP UH HUH SAME. So at least it’s not just me.

So eventually I did what I tell others to do…and did a little self care.

Then got some kitty cuddles.

Took a long hot shower and washed my hair.

Caught up on a few episodes of a favorite show.

Got surprised with yummy treats from a friend.

And had a margarita.

I think I’m doing quarantine wrong.

Can I just say that I am legitimately jealous of anyone who is getting to binge watch multiple hours or hundreds of hours of TV? (I just deleted 325 episodes of Ellen because I will NEVER have time to even start catching up.) Or anyone who has had time to reorganize their pantry? (That’s legit the one thing I wanted to do and I haven’t even come close to being able to do it yet.) Or clean out closets? Or cook a bunch of new dishes? Or do some crafting? Or read some books?

I don’t know what I’m doing but I feel like I’m doing this quarantine thing all wrong. Pretty much nothing in my day to day life has changed except my kids are around 24/7 and I don’t get to run out on errands.

This pandemic is a lot like bringing home a new baby.

I Don’t Have The Bandwidth To Make This Pandemic An ‘Adventure’ For My Kids

She’s right. This pandemic is a lot like bringing home a new baby.

I realize I have it easier than a lot of people so I am not complaining, but I don’t have time to paint my bedroom or organize the pantry or read a shelf of books. I am busy all day long and at the end of the day I legit have no idea what I’ve been doing, but I do know I only crossed off a few things on my ever-growing to-do list. It’s infuriating. So while this isn’t the absolute worst thing that can happen, it certainly isn’t idyllic. And it isn’t that much fun. And my kids certainly aren’t getting a freaking adventure.

This is our third school schedule.

I did a daily schedule the first week we were out of school. It worked pretty well. The kids knew what time blocks came next and pretty much stuck to it on their own.

Then came the week of spring break and we got off the rails a little. I revised the schedule a little in preparation of the anticipated actual distance learning… Only to have the teacher’s schedule sent out after I had finished so I had to revise a little. After a day of no one really even following it…I came up with a new schedule that put all academics in the morning so when it was lunchtime, that was the end of school. I had been trying to break it up throughout the day but I kind of think it made it harder, so…we’ll see. I actually hate having a schedule at all, but if we didn’t have it, every day would be a dumpster fire as no one would do any schoolwork but they’d beg for tech all day.

I already see some minor changes I want to make, and I’m sure this will get edited a few more times before we get settled into our new learning routine. We have at least a month ahead of us…

I’m appreciative that we are able to do distance learning and that I am actually able to be here for the kids and it’s not a hardship for us…but it is frustrating that ALL the hard work I did to get the kids detoxed from tech has all been wiped away within two weeks. 

Now the kids have even less technology.

I can’t believe I forgot to post about this. It happened way back on November 21.

The MOPs guest speaker today talked about the horrifying effects of media and technology on kids. We didn’t know all this stuff years ago, but the research has now been done and the results aren’t good.

So I had been feeling pretty good about how little they use media now—but after listening to her talk for an hour I decided to remove even more media/screen time from their lives. They just DON’T need it and their behavior is so much better without it.

She told a story about Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood. She said the opening scene is like 2:32 long—one long scene, no cuts—and kids sit still and watch the whole thing. Then she said, watch the intro to Paw Patrol and see if you can count the number of cut scenes in it. SHE LOST COUNT. So how can we expect our kids to sit and pay attention to teachers for longer than five seconds if we’re training their brains to watch the fast-paced BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM video style? It’s impossible. And there really is no such thing as an educational app—kids can’t really learn off a cold glass screen. They need tactile learning—feeling the smoothness of the paper, hearing the pencil write on the paper, smelling the crayon. (There are very few actual educational apps and shows—like Sesame Street and Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood from the Children’s Television Workshop.)

We told the kids at dinner…explaining that it wasn’t a punishment but that people/parents/we didn’t know better at the time, but as we learn and grow and scientists do research, we learn things that may change our behavior and how we live our lives. And technology is one of those things

Overall, honestly, it wasn’t a huge change. They still get video game time (Owen) and computer time (Katie) but only on the weekend (no more during the week). They don’t get to play computer games masquerading as math or language arts apps (we have workbooks for that). No more unlimited video after video at night on YouTube before bed (they’ll get one if they’re lucky). And don’t even ASK to use the computer.

The biggest thing is that Owen loses Chromebook time (he needs it for band but unless he has specific homework, it stays closed) and a too-adult videogame (I haven’t liked it from the beginning but I didn’t fight Tom on it—but Tom now agrees). But the videogame was really killing him. Like he was crying and said he was really upset and went to his room. When he calmed down and came back I reminded him about a game he used to play that was PERFECTLY appropriate and he thought for a moment, smiled, and thanked me for thinking of it and reminding him.

And just so you don’t think it was all about the kids…we also agreed to no devices at the table. And we are all going to try to look at one another when we’re talking to each other so they can learn how to react to people and pay attention.

Oh, and we watched an episode of Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood tonight. Holy crap. We weren’t quite sure what to expect—I mean, Owen hated the original Star Wars episodes after seeing the whiz bang newer versions first so I didn’t hold out much hope. But I knew both would give it a shot because they will watch ANYTHING on a TV. I think they’d watch static, frankly.🤦🏻‍♀️

So imagine our surprise when we put the first episode on and they sat and watched, totally entranced. They both loved it. They asked questions. They talked to the screen. We discussed things. WHAT?! It’s amazing.

(We’ve also started watching The Brady Bunch—and while not educational, those shows have a lot of good lessons and they love it, too.)

So I will continue to be a hard ass on this so my kids don’t turn into little terrors. And enjoy some walks down memory lane…

I didn’t expect this conversation this morning.

Well I certainly didn’t expect my morning with Owen to include the reveal that Santa is not real. 😳😢💔

I’ve known it’s been coming for a while and I’ve managed to keep pushing it off…and although you know the day will come and you can kind of prepare yourself for it…you are never really ready and I’m sure I didn’t handle it as well as I could have.

I did go over some major points that I had ready (Santa is the spirit of Christmas, he can be a Santa now, etc.) but he wasn’t having ANY of it and he was PISSED. 😭 There were a few tears and throwing things…and saying we lied to him for 10 years and he’s a stupid kid for believing us and that he was disappointed in us. 😭 (P.S. The Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy were included in this bargain of a conversation as well.)

I then had to talk him down from wanting to tell everyone (including Katie) and thankfully 45 minutes later by the time he left for school he was laughing about it and excited about being a Santa this year.

(The best news is that after school he seemed to be really okay and was even shopping for secret Santa gifts for Katie when we were out running errands that night (without her).)

But still, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be over here crying in my margarita because my kid is really growing up and I hate to think about it. And I’ll also be silently cursing the mean kids who ruined it for Owen (apparently) last year. 🤬

Fri-YAY: Friends!

This week I’m thankful for friends. That seems really generic, I know, but let me explain.

Being military and moving every three years, there is a certain cycle that we go through each move–it generally takes about two full years before we finally have a good set of friends. You know…the ones you can call last-minute to watch your kids, the ones you can call to take your kids to sportsball practice when you can’t make it, the ones you invite over for dinner because your kids get along so well. It’s also a time when friends are around regularly enough that it seems very commonplace–like we’ve been here our whole lives.

So we’re at that two-year mark.

This week I went for a walk around the neighborhood with a friend, I ran into a friend shopping at Michael’s, a friend came over to shop for make-up, a friend and I vented to each other about life, I helped a friend decide what artwork to hang in her house, a friend came over and picked me up because she wanted to talk and I had been drinking and couldn’t drive, and a friend offered her assistance in designing a T-shirt for our upcoming family vacation.

Friends are amazing and I don’t take any of them for granted.

It’s all clutter and chaos.

I love a clean house. Love love love. It’s actually relaxing and lowers my stress level and makes everything in life just that much better…but unfortunately I don’t have the energy to do it, let alone the energy AND patience required to get the kids to do their fair share. (You’ve heard the expression herding cats, right? It’s legit.)

So we live with clutter and chaos and hope for a somewhat picked up house every few weeks when we have friends over. 😂

What state is your house normally in?

I have a confession to make: Today has been a shitty parenting day.

I knew it wasn’t going to be all sunshine and roses because we did have some work to do before our houseguests arrive tomorrow…but I told them if we got everything done by noon then we could go to the pool. Easy, right?

They literally had less than an hour’s worth of work to do but we are currently on hour five because they can’t stop whining and complaining and fighting and giving me attitude. And not doing what they should be doing.

They have been having nonstop fun for days and days but today, when I’ve asked them to do a tiny bit of work to prepare for overnight houseguests FOR THEIR DUAL POOL BIRTHDAY PARTY, they lose their shit because they can’t follow directions and I refuse to give in and reward them for poor behavior.

I know being a kid is hard, but being a parent on days like today is something I am not prepared for (unfortunately I have lost my cool more than once). I even shut myself in my room at one point because I just. couldn’t. anymore.

I know today will blow over, but we need to do something because I cannot go on like this.

So I need all your suggestions. I’m totally open… books, theories, classes, therapy… Whatever.

#parentingsucks #keepingitreal

If you had asked me this morning, I’d say I was a damn fun person.

I love laughing and having fun and doing crazy things (have you ever flown across the country to meet a bunch of internet strangers?). Right?!

And then I started reading this book: HAVE MORE FUN

It’s like I was meant to read this book. 😂

And now I know things need to change. If my life ended tomorrow would I regret the 300 unread emails? The clothes still in the dryer? The boxes still packed from our last move? Hell no. I’d regret not playing in the rain with my kids, not taking that cruise with the family, and not spending as much time with friends as we can before we move again.

Don’t get me wrong, the kids are still going to have to do their reading and workbook pages, but I’m going to make a concerted effort for us all to have more fun.

I want to crawl back into bed.

You ever have one of those days where you just want to crawl back into bed and not do anything? Just skip being an adult because you’re tired of all the little annoyances?

Today is that day for me, y’all. Long story short I’m tired of losing shit and feeling fat and stupid sibling fights and NOT KNOWING WHAT PURSE TO TAKE ON A DAY TRIP. 😒

Yet here I sit at Katie’s makeup gymnastics class because I had to schedule it two weeks ago and today was just as good a day as any. And from here we go directly to a friend’s house so we can take all the kids to a museum in Milwaukee.

I know in the grand scheme of things all this minutiae doesn’t matter and as soon as I’m with my friend I’ll be happier, but I might still crawl into bed when we get home just so I can pretend for a bit that I have no responsibilities. 🛌

Do you open your circle or leave it closed?

I never thought about my situation (being a military spouse) in quite these terms but as soon as I read it I knew it was perfect. 😢

I can’t tell you the number of times that I have tried to get into a circle of women and they just ignored me or barely talked to me. School, sports, work, business–take your pick. They have their friends and their circle and anyone not already in it is not really welcome.

I’m sure they don’t really think that much about some random woman saying something to them or asking a question–and they might answer or chat pleasantly for a minute–but then they go back to their own group. If they even let you in at all. It’s exhausting and annoying and depressing and I get tired of it duty station after duty station.

Which is why when someone actually takes a minute to talk with you and connect with you AND OPENS THE CIRCLE, you have made a friend (or friends) for life.

Spring Break Day 5

☀️I kinda got to sleep in today…not as late as I’d hoped but at least it was after 5. But I did hear Tom home so that confused me… Turns out he tried pullups yesterday and screwed up his screwed up back. I tell him quit exercising so he doesn’t kill himself. I mean duh. 🤪

☀️ Then we realized Owen needed to go to the doctor but my only choices for appointments were in 20 minutes (impossible) or tomorrow at 8 (yuck). It’s a good thing he’s not critically sick.

☀️Then it was off to get my nails done and I ended up with about the same color I’d had one time before which is fine but not quite what I wanted but didn’t realize until it was too late. #firstworldproblems

☀️ My next stop was a new (to me) liquor store because we are out of Absolut Peppar and it’s crucial for Bloody Marys and regular stores don’t seem to carry it. Of course I checked out the margarita selection because duh.

☀️ Then a nearby playground with the kids and a friend because it’s 60-freaking-degrees and unbelievably I was actually almost too warm sitting in the sun. Like I had to take off my cardigan too warm. But I wasn’t complaining.

☀️ And lastly home to sit in my new hanging chair to enjoy the weather and read a book, at which point the sun went away and it got too cold without a coat. (Now I’m complaining.) 😂

Parenting struggle #3,471:

Katie decided it would be a great idea to empty the entire 64-crayon box into another box so she could use the individual inner crayon boxes for some game she created with her jewelry. Seriously?

I love that she’s creative but things like this make me insane. I know I shouldn’t care because it’s just a damn crayon box but I just know the boxes will likely get ruined (never put away), the crayons will never go back in their original boxes, and the crayons will likely end up all over the house, broken and lost, because nothing ever gets put away because KIDS.

And now I’m feeling guilty that I’ve stifled her creativity over a $4 box of crayons. Ugh.

Spouse Confessions: I am weary.

Every since we moved here, I’ve said this move really felt off. I wondered why everything just felt…harder. Like I can’t get organized and nothing feels easy or settled. And it’s because I’m tired. Of lots of things, big and little. This article hits it dead on.

From MilitarySpouse.com: Spouse Confessions: I am weary.

It kind of feels like a gradual thing … each deployment, each TDY, each PCS move, each homecoming … all chipped away at me. Wore my skin thin. Made me more tired by the minute. And now, I just feel weary … all of the time.

Not every single thing in the article is exact for my life, but enough of it is. It sucks that anyone has to feel like this, but it’s good to know I’m not alone and it’s normal.

Three things on my mind today.

1️⃣ I almost hate to admit it, but if I’m being 100% honest, I usually feel better about myself with straight hair. Yes, I like the wavy SOMETIMES but if I could snap my fingers and have straight hair forever, I totally would. TOTALLY. I just wish it didn’t take me 40 minutes and give me sore arms (I even have a lightweight dryer).

2️⃣ One of my new year’s resolutions was to get better at applying makeup. I suck at following YouTube videos so I really just keep winging it and hope I end up with something good. 😂 (Anyone else completely unsuccessful following YouTube videos? It can’t be just me. Maybe my face is broken. 😂) The weird thing is that in the bathroom and up close? It always seems kinda janky. But in pics? It doesn’t seem half bad. Like today.

3️⃣ I wasn’t going to go anywhere today but now that I have THIS hair and THIS face, I feel like I kinda have to. (Is anyone else like this? I can’t waste all this effort on the animals.)

Love on a military kid. It’s worth it. I promise.

Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. Every three years I get extreme mom guilt ripping my kids away from their good friends and wondering if and when they will meet new friends.

From Kayln Silva on Facebook:

I was talking to a civilian friend this morning and we were agreeing how hard it is to say goodbye to military families, and she jokingly says, yeah I always tell my kids don’t get too close because you know what will happen!! They just move away!!!

And with that my heart just sank, I know she was kidding and I know what she means, because she doesn’t understand, but I beg you please please don’t ever view military kids like this.

Please don’t distance yourself from them because it’s just a matter of time before they’re gone….again.

If we walk around this life viewing every relationship like that how would we get close to anyone? I understand this life is unique, and most military families jump into each new adventure with both feet, but for the rest of the world watching us, know that it’s hard.

Really hard. It breaks my heart every time we have to say good bye to yet another friend, someone they’ve connected with and someone they‘ve cared about.

If you have the opportunity to know a military child, please take a moment to realize that the constant state of transitions and unknowns is tough. We smile and laugh and make the most of every day we are together because the reality is, it very well could be. You never know when orders drop, or news comes that someone is moving away.

If you know a military child, take the time to hug them, understand them, invest in them.

Whether they are here for a few months or 4 years, to know that someone genuinely cares about them means so much to their little hearts 💕

TRUTH BOMB TIME

I’ve been struggling with my weight loss reboot. I’ll lose 5-10 then gain it back. Lather, rinse, repeat. (Lather, rinse, repeat.) I partially blame margaritas because DAMN they’re just so good. And I blame my own attitude: I’ve still lost 110# overall and holy crap that’s awesome…right? But I feel blah lots of the time…and fat (some of my clothes are way tighter than they should be). I created a Facebook group (for friends in the same boat) to help with accountability but even that hasn’t helped as much as I’d hoped. I am annoyed at myself for slacking on the NS principles and letting my weight balloon up 30# because I KNOW BETTER and NS couldn’t be easier. I feel guilty I have just seemingly lost any willpower I’ve had. I know I can do this…I just need to DO IT. So I keep trying. All I can ever do is keep trying.

What is life like without kids around?

If I had to pick ONE word (other than amazing), it’s quiet. And it’s wonderful. Most days I don’t even put any music on. It’s so nice to not hear fighting or asking for snacks every 20 minutes or having to be a referee or negotiator or repeating myself 13 times to get anything done.

I tell people that I haven’t missed the kids at all…and I’m not joking. I love them with ever fiber of my being, but I don’t miss having to be on duty 24/7. (Tom misses them but he only gets to see them a few hours between when he gets home and they go to bed. I get them ALL DAY. And therein lies the difference.)

How else is life different?

  • We can cook whatever we want for a meal at the drop of a hat. We don’t need to discuss anything or think if either kid will like it or what they might get as an alternative (or make an alternative). Consequently meals are super easy and relaxing as there’s no whining or complaining about what there is to eat.
  • We can watch a full non-PG movie before bedtime! We can start it right after dinner and be done by 9! We can never attempt this with the kids there because they always meander back into the room. I think we watched three this week.
  • We can binge watch a TV series. This week it’s The Handmaid’s Tale.
  • We can go anywhere together at the drop of a hat. No wondering where the kids are and trying to get them home or asking other parents if the kids can hang out while we run an errand…or negotiating which of us is going and which is staying or listening to them whine about having to go with us.
  • And we can have sex at a reasonable hour (LOL).

And I’m sure I’m forgetting stuff.

I just know the kids are having a great time and we haven’t been alone alone like this since before Owen was born. And it was much needed.

And it’s going to happen next summer, too. 🙂

PLEASE be that one person for someone.

“One person can instantly make you feel unalone, uninvisible … like you belong.”

This is the one thing I hope for with every. single. move. Sometimes it happens more quickly than others. Sometimes it never happens at all. But when it does, life is SOOOO much better. PLEASE be that one person for someone.

Am I invisible? One mom’s pain-relieving response to being excluded