I used an app tonight to upload 6 photos of me to turn into avatars. Not a single one of the 30 it created looks anything even remotely like me. I guess the chuckle was maybe worth the $1.99?
Category Archives: Fails
THESE DAMN DOGS
I mistakenly left some products on the floor inside of a box and these damn dogs got into it and chewed it all up out of the backyard.
Tell me you have kids without telling me you have kids.
This was in the cheese drawer. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Exploding watermelon!
Well this is a new one. I had the watermelon sitting on the dining room table for a few days in preparation for the party. I went to get it today to cut it and saw the entire table was soaked. And then I heard bubbling and gurgling…and I went to roll it over and it exploded and gushed all over. Dripping through the table, puddles on the floor!
Turns out it’s a real thing. Lots of people have been posting videos of this craziness.
The rind was paper thin and was just so bizarre.
Taking a quick extra ride on the escalator… DOH!
Katie was losing her shit because I would not let her get these.
We ran into Kohl’s to see if they had any great clearance stuff. Then Katie saw these and was PISSED I would not let her get them.
I had to threaten to leave the cart and walk out of the store with nothing if she didn’t change her attitude.
Good times.
School shopping was a challenge
So I took Katie school shopping and let’s just say it was…challenging.
Surprise! She didn’t like a single thing I picked out.
You’d think tennis shoes would be easy, right? She doesn’t like black. She doesn’t like bright colors. She didn’t like gray, aqua, or mauve. Oh she likes those—but nope, I’m not spending $60. She actually told me everything was mom shoes. What?
These are cute.
No, they’re mom shoes.
How are these mom shoes?
Ugh. You’re a mom—if you like them they’re mom shoes.
She finally accepted a beige pair.
And then HAD TO HAVE a pair of combat-looking boots pretty much exactly like the $60 Doc Martens she had to have last year (that still fit, mind you, but she doesn’t like them). I made her spend her own money on those. And then I had to say ABSOLUTELY NOT to a pair of black platform heels that she claimed were her most favorite shoes ever—when that’s what she said about the pink platform heels she got earlier this year. I had to keep saying “We’re filling holes in your wardrobe with things you can wear to school.”
And clothes? I think she liked one of 32 things I suggested. She just wanted 12 more Stitch t-shirts. No.
I texted Anna and told her this was her job next year.
Calgon, take me away!
Owen’s baseball stuff is in Tom’s truck BECAUSE OF COURSE IT IS.
I don’t have enough time to go get his stuff and make it back to pick him up from strength training and then get to baseball camp.
Owen doesn’t want to go to baseball camp anyway because his arm hurts.
Oh, and he doesn’t want to go to baseball camp at all anymore because “he knows everything already” — forget that we spent $200 on it.
Tom isn’t answering his texts.
I checked Owen’s summer health class scores and they are not where they should be.
The housekeepers come tomorrow, and I just want to burn the house down.
And the new swipe keyboard I’m testing is a disaster.
I’m feeling murderous right now.
I left a cabinet open and somehow the dogs got into a bag AND a box and…Katie just found this.
This is what it originally looked like:
It’s just a ‘thing’ so it probably shouldn’t bother me as much as it did—but it was one of my souvenirs from the week I spent with my mom at Pysanky On The River last year and I met the artist (Theresa Somerset, who is amazing) and she had so many beautiful eggs that it took awhile for me to decide and pick this one… And it was expensive and can’t be replaced (I asked).
Stupid dogs.
Trying to start new habits over summer.
After he picked out books, he wanted to play. I haven’t played in 30 years. I lost in under a minute.
They are always super excited to pick out the books, then they sit in a pile until it’s time to return them. This summer phone use will be tied to reading…
I’m officially old.
I legit just asked Tom if he could see my glasses anywhere.
Katie’s room part 742.
Well. It’s time. Katie has ignored all requests to clean up her room so it’s being emptied. I even gave her two extras afternoons and she didn’t do a single thing.
I literally scooped piles of shit from her closet, using my feet as rakes because it was legit a foot deep. Including dishes, MY SHOES, actual garbage, and lots of stuff she’s gonna miss.
I’m making her sort it now so she can see everything she’s losing.
She pretty much admitted she thought I was going to pull stuff out and she’d get to pick what she wanted to keep. Hahahahahahahaha I told her she lost that option a long time ago. She’s losing A LOT OF STUFF.
Spring Break Day 2
Grannie surprised the kids with a longer golf cart drive…for Johnny Rockets for brunch — somewhere we ate on the cruise! They loved it! Grannie and I enjoyed adult shakes.
Then we walked around a little, Katie named two turtles in the bay, we got some souvenirs, and then went to another pool.
I had this exchange with the waitress:
Waitress: So that's a strawberry daiquiri.
Me: Margarita.
Waitress: Yes, daiquiri.
Me: Not daiquiri, margarita.
Waitress: Yes I know what you mean.
Aaaand it tasted like a daiquiri to me! (Not bad but…not a margarita!)
Back to the pool after dinner…
Unfortunately someone got a little too much sun…
Soooo happy to be able to wash my face tonight!
It must be gremlins, then?
I discovered this mess today. No one claims it. Not even Owen, the only person in charge of emptying the dishwasher.
Omg. Look what’s still up.
I just happened to be sitting on the couch (Nott my normal seat) add looked up. Oh. My. We were going to take them down at one point but got sidetracked. ..
BrickFest was a dud.
We’ve been to a BrickFest before in Virginia and it was AMAZING. So we were excited to go again… Except this one was a complete dud compared to that. Super SUPER disappointing.
There were basically NO displays—the previous one had city blocks, automation (think roller coaster), big things, little things, selfie stations…
This one had some giant creations:
and a very small area of smaller creations like this:
but that was about it. Most of it was lame (for older kids) stuff like “make and race a Lego car”
or “create a glow in the dark Lego” (which Owen did to at least do something).
The kids also did one square of a bigger design—which we would never see.
But man did the store and checkout lines take up a ton of space (conservatively 1/4 of the venue):
This was the best part for me—a local artist who did lilacs. I’m going to need that ASAP.
What was even more disappointing is that we were supposed to go with Anna and family—but long story short they got there after us and got stuck in a huge line and then we discovered it sucked so they just gave up and never made it in.
After we got home I decided to look up the last one we went to…and discovered it wasn’t BrickFest, but was BrickFair. UGHHHHH.
I hadn’t looked in Katie’s room in a while…
I can’t even.
I have to admit things like this make my blood boil.
I was looking for something in the upstairs hallway cabinets when I found this.
You have got to be kidding me.
So instead of putting her clean clothes away… Katie decided to stuff the entire bag into the cupboards. By process of elimination I figured they’d been there about a week.
This got Katie grounded.
I had asked her to make sure the bathroom was picked up for the housekeepers. She said it was done. So imagine my surprise when I walked by this morning and saw this disaster.
And I was even more shocked when I looked under the sink (I was shoving stuff in there to quickly get it out of the way).
And these disgusting glasses filled with who knows what.
And this is where she thought it was appropriate to put dishes.
There was more like this but you get the idea.
UGHHH.
OMG you guys.
Noooooo! I don’t know how I missed a day of Wordle!
Guess who’s learning to jump on the couch?
After a few fails, she finally got it!
Olive is an escape artist.
Today I came back from the movie and lunch…and she was on the couch (and I had to clean up accidents). We thought it was a random thing but no, when we came back from gymnastics, she was out again.
So tonight at bedtime Tom clamped the blanket over the top of her crate area. Katie happened to go down to get water and…she was out again. Gahhhhhhhh. So Tom put more clamps on for the night and we get to figure out a better/less ghetto solution going forward.
This isn’t going to be fun.
I’m glad they’re taking care of it, but 1) it wasn’t that bad to start with and 2) they really made a huge mess out of our driveway.
I can’t imagine what they’re going to do to fix it. The whole thing looks like this.
This is karma for the empty park on opening day.
Just shoot me. I am in my own personal hell today. A full park. No seats anywhere—let alone in the shade. So I’m stuck in a tiny sliver of shade on a steep hill so that I’m constantly sliding down. And there are ants.
Both kids were sleeping in the basement…
So OBVIOUSLY both of their bedroom lights were still on when I went to bed.
Slowly but surely!
Tom started the install of my pull out drawers for the Tupperware cabinet on March 20. Unfortunately he wasn’t happy with how one drawer was sliding so said he’d fix it—so I left all the contents on the island. Fast forward a week and he tells me it’s fine and I can put everything away. Men!
And somehow we’re missing the bottoms to ALL of these since the kids last fixed the cabinet. Imagine that. Noone has any idea. So either they’re lying about what they did the last time or they’ve managed to lose 11 bottoms in two weeks.
Methinks the translation software hiccuped.
The story of my life.
I got this puzzle from Amazon Vine and it was a big fail.
We thought we were missing pieces after our first edge-piece sort so sorted again. And then again when we only found one additional piece. And a third time just because we couldn’t believe it. We talked about not even doing it, but it really was a fun and somewhat easy puzzle so we continued.
And this is what we ended up with. I didn’t even count the missing pieces because it was so crazy. Not just a piece. Not just an edge. But a ton of random pieces!! Sooo disappointing!
Needless to say it got a 1-star review.