Hilarious blog post that anyone who has given birth will surely appreciate. Click through the link for the whole story, but here are a few of my favorites (even though I personally wasn’t worried about them):
My water breaking
I was utterly frozen with fear that my water would break at the most embarrassing possible moment. Like, in the middle of a business meeting, in the checkout line at the supermarket, while having sex with my husband (although, of course, who’s really having sex during the time in which they think they might be eligible for their water to break?).
As it turns out, when I was pregnant with my older daughter, my water broke at 2 in the morning when I was dead asleep and it took me four hours, three books, two calls to my obstetrician and, ultimately, a test in the hospital to determine that, yes, in fact, my water had broken and I hadn’t just peed the bed.
In retrospect, given that only something like 13 percent of pregnant women actually have their water break, it was a pretty silly thing about which to worry.
What to wear
What to wear? What to wear? This isn’t the prom, people. The jig is up. I’m giving birth for chrissakes. What I’m wearing is whatever the hell is going to get that baby out of me fastest and with the least amount of pain.
What I’m wearing? Sheesh.
Everyone looking at me down there
I was all insecure at my vagina hanging out for so many people to see, what, with nurses and doctors and other strangers walking in and out of the hospital room.
When it came down to it, however, I was all, like, “If you staring at my vagina is going to get this thing out of me faster, then let’s make it the 8 p.m. showing at the local movie theater. Hell, let’s turn it into a freakin’ national release.”