I would honestly have to rank today as one of the worst days, if not THE worst day, of my life so far.
Yes, he’s gone.
And yes, I know there have been bad days in my life, but there is nothing—just NOTHING—like knowing you are saying goodbye to someone for A YEAR. And that someone is your spouse. And knowing they are going to a war zone.
For a year.
A @#*$ year. :'(
So, aside from that alone being enough to rank this as the worst day ever, the weather is horrid—35° and rainy (which, actually, is perfect weather to remain morose all afternoon, so goody for me).
And apparently, I am the most emotional person on earth—no one else I saw dropping off their marines was shedding a tear—or even looked upset or depressed. I, on the other hand, couldn’t even get out of the car because I was so torn up. :'( I guess I am being emotional enough to cover everyone else’s lack of emotion.
Which leads me to the next thing—I feel absolutely horrible (HORRIBLE!) that I couldn’t stay there with Tom. Now, don’t get me wrong—I was ALLOWED to…but I just couldn’t! There is NO WAY ON EARTH I could sit there for four hours with him—in the midst of all those people—and THEN watch the buses leave! Talk about torture!! You might as well just shoot me and get it over with. But I just feel bad, because there were lots of people who WERE staying, and I’m sure Tom would have liked me to stay—although, you gotta love him—he wanted me to do what I was comfortable with. And unfortunately, I just couldn’t stay.
So it was a looooooooooong drive home. In the rain. Crying. And I have to say coming home to an empty house is just about the most depressing thing ever. Of course, Maggie was happy to see me and get out of her crate (and gave me kisses!), but I can’t take anything at face value right now, so I just see her and think about how much Tom loves her and how much he misses her and how I love to see them playing and how he won’t be able to play with her for a year. And just when I think my head hurts so much I can’t possibly cry any more, I start crying again.
It’s going to be a long day.
But like I told mom this morning…today will be horrible, tomorrow will be awful, this weekend will suck, but then it will start getting better! I hope.